.SOMETIMES RAW.

I love lists. Writing them has something satisfying so I will share one of my latest ones here with you but first something pretty big happened in my life the other day which will push me in a new direction. I have always been a person who embraces life and rolls with its punches but the last year and trip around the sun was a rather difficult one for me to swallow. This summer especially has been an interesting, albeit emotional, yet somewhat beautiful season for my son and I but now it is time to move in a new direction.

When I decided to move back to Germany it was one of the greatest birthday gifts I could have given myself. I spent my days walking, meeting friends, popping into my favorite bookstore and discovering new ones. I spent my time reading and soaking up the sun whenever I got a chance. I had no expectations, nowhere to be, and no commitments in place even though my brain worked, in a seemingly relaxed stage, to figure things out for the future. Does this sound like a dream to you? It truly felt like one. This time away from Canada helped me settle much of my pain, stress, worry-state of mind or whatever that was and pushed me forward to say: bring it on, I am ready! Are you curious what else I did? I am learning a new language and will publish my second book in a week or two. Superwoman with superpowers? You bet!

And here is my latest survival list for you if you would like to read:

1. Mental clarity: Drink a lot of water. Get sun. Practise Yoga. Be nice to the neighbors. Cook from home as often as possible. Read and buy more books. Take care of your skin and go to bed early.
2. Work hard. Play hard. Work harder. Play harder. In that exact order.
3. Do things that scare you and make you step out of your comfort zone because this is how you grow.
4. Whenever in doubt, throw on jeans, a white t-shirt, and TOMS shoes. Done.
5. Take your time. Relax.
6. Always go with your guts!
7. Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
8. Singing and dancing to your favorite song will cure any bad mood.
9. Do not wear too much make-up. It will dry out your skin.
10. It is okay to admit that you are wrong.
11. Educate yourself. Pay attention to what is going on in the world around you and form educated opinions. Help others. Donate your time. Sign up for programs at universities.
12. A hangover is not really worth it but sometimes the party is just too good.
13. Don’t compare yourself to others.
14. Get off your stupid phone, go outside, play and live your life.
15. Learn how to cook and know at least three delicious recipes by heart.
16. Wear whatever you damn well please and what makes you happy.
17. Never rub your eyes after chopping jalapeños.
18. Call your parents/grandparents and tell them you love them.
19. Keep in mind that the most interesting thing about you is how you look and stop counting calories. Invest in health and wisdom.
20. The skeletons from your past made you who you are. Don’t regret.
21. It does not matter what other people think of you.
22. Don’t ever piss off people who bring you cold, heat, mail or food.
23. Every woman should own a vibrator.
24. Try that thing you are curious about no matter what it may be: a new food, a new style, a new hair color, a new hobby, a new career path.
25. Always speak to your children the way you would like to be spoken to.
26. Fall down, get up, move on. Rinse, lather, but don’t necessarily repeat.
27. Live debt-free. The feeling is amazing.
28. Find the humor in the situation.
29. Focus on your values instead of your fears.
30. Accept the past, but fight for the future.

I am writing this from the kitchen table. It is 9am, around 25 degrees celsius and looks like we are in for yet another classic summer day. Note that I am not complaining. I enjoy the summer. I enjoy the change. I enjoy Germany. The weather is similar to what I would be experiencing in Canada. I have been in Germany for two weeks now, and it’s taken that long to feel like I can settle in. That’s nothing good or bad. I needed this time to continue to map out my next steps. Because I grew up here and have been home many times throughout the years, I assumed I would be able to quickly settle into a routine of writing, going for long walks, working out, cooking, meeting all my friends but it turned out that it is not as simple as I wanted it to be.

Within two weeks of being here, I reconnected with someone I met many years ago and our first conversation quickly opened my eyes and shifted one of my priorities. At the same time, it only took one trip to the grocery store and bakery for me to be faced with the truth: Food tastes so much better here and is a lot cheaper. I feel healthier and more comfortable already.

Before I left Germany many years ago, I had coffee with an old friend. When we said goodbye, she hugged me and whispered, “you know you are going to come back changed, right?” This hit me hard, and at that moment it felt like the most honest thing someone had ever said to me. I nodded, and one month later after, I confirmed that she was right. But it is also true that I changed even before I left but I just didn’t know it, until I returned to somewhere I had been before and saw it with new eyes. You know this feeling when you return home from a two-week vacation? Well, try years. I left Germany in 2005 and never regretted the experience of traveling the world.

Anyway, I still have not dug deep enough into those new thoughts and feelings yet to make more sense of them or figure out what is next for me but writing all this down makes me feel good and at ease. The last three years in Canada were good at first, then really bad, then good again but I know I had to leave. There was nothing left for me even though I wish things would have been different. There are days when I wake up and I want to go back because I miss my “family”, friends and all those beautiful experiences and memories. But I know it would not be good at this point in my life. I need to take a different route this time. More adventures to come. Ha!

I compiled a list of 30 thoughts that I would like to share from my first 14 days away.

1. Sometimes meeting someone one time is good enough. I should leave the memory at that.
2. I can change a lot in two weeks.
3. My values can change a lot, too.
4. The people I can sit in silence with, or quietly read books together with, are special. It is strange how being silent with someone can actually be more memorable than forcing my way through a conversation.
5. It feels weird when people say they really miss me and don’t talk to me for days. Cannot be that bad then.
6. It also feels weird that a very close friend won’t read my book or blog.
7. When I meet someone unexpectantly whom I haven’t seen in ages, it is awesome to make plans and meet the next day.
8. If I don’t ask, the answer is always no.
9. There are those who understand and those who never will. I don’t try to force the latter. It is okay if only a few people really understand. It is a gift to have even one.
10. I don’t owe anyone an interaction.
11. Being a beginner sucks most of the time until I am no longer a beginner. When I start to see the early signs of my efforts paying off, I am glad I tried something new.
12. Teaching my son, watching him grow up and adapting to new situations is awesome.
13. Being self-aware is exhausting sometimes but it is also a gift for myself and everyone who comes into my life.
14. I love to show my son things I enjoyed as a child when I grew up here.
15. I now move at the pace that feels natural to me.
16. I treat everyone I meet like an old friend.
17. Rejection is not about me. Even if it seems like it is, it is really not.
18. A breakup or divorce is not the worst thing I have been through. I have survived worse.
19. The kindest thing I can do is to let someone go on their own journey, even if it does not include me.
20. I love to tell people what positive impact they have had on me.
21. I learned that it is important to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
22. I live according to my values and won’t tolerate bullshit anymore!
23. If someone would ask me to go on an adventure, I would not ask too many questions. I would say yes, pack (my son), and go.
24. The state of my space is the state of my mind.
25. Decluttering is just a tool. I needed to dig up the root(s) cause, so it wouldn’t keep spreading and I have to clean the mess again.
26. Nothing matters more than the health of myself and my loved ones.
27. When it comes to big and tough decisions, I take my ego out of the equation and ask myself what I should do.
28. When in doubt, I rent a pedal boat with my son. It is so much fun.
29. When in doubt, I go for a long run. Fresh air clears my mind.
30. Things will always work out in the end. And if they don’t, it is not the end.

How do toxins enter our body?

There are three main ways that toxins enter our body. One is through the lungs via inhalation, for example, exhaust, smog, aerosols, scents, fresheners, and dust. Toxins enter the body through the digestive system via indigestion, for example, food additives and agricultural toxins, toothpaste, mouthwash, residue from dish soap and cosmetics. Toxins also enter the body through our skin via absorption, for example, cosmetics, body care products, oral hygiene products, deodorants and antiperspirant, hair products, cleaning products and the residue of laundry detergent.

What do toxins do in our body?

Toxins work as hormone disruptive chemicals that interfere, block or mimic natural hormones (estrogen, testosterone and thyroid hormones); as carcinogens like cancer-causing or aggravating neurotoxins or as respiratory toxins that affect the respiratory system and may cause bronchitis, emphysema, and other breathing problems.

Clean house sounds good but how clean ?

Advertisements and commercials lead us to believe that we have to kill every germ and should have spotless homes. Anti-bacterial products do not distinguish between the good bacteria and the bad, they kill everything; this suppresses our immune system! Over 95% of bacteria are harmless. We should not disinfect unless someone is ill or if an animal poops inside. If a product has a warning label or skull and crossbones, do you actually really want to you it?

Labelling in Canada

The labeling of household cleaning products in Canada falls under the Consumer Chemicals and Containers Regulations (2001). Under these regulations, all manufacturers, distributors, and importers of cleaning products sold to Canadian consumers must assess the risks of each product they sell, then display hazard symbols, warning statements, instructions and first-aid treatment on their products’ containers. Canadian law does not require cleaning products and many cosmetic to feature a complete ingredient list. It limits the labeling of ingredients to protect the safety of Canadian workers, meaning that only industrial cleaners have to list all their ingredients.

How save are “cleaning” products

In an Environmental Defence study, 14 volunteers homes were tested before and after cleaning with conventional cleaning products. Post-cleaning 12 of the 14 had levels of VOCs that were higher than the German recommended levels for exposure!

VOC’s: A large group of carbon-based chemicals that easily evaporate (or “off-gas”) at room temperature. There are thousands of different VOCs – both naturally occurring and human-made. Most scents or odors are made of VOCs. Common VOCs include acetone, benzene, and formaldehyde. In homes, VOCs can emanate from building materials (flooring, paint), furniture (plastic, wood finishes in cheap furniture), exhaled cigarette smoke and products like air fresheners and cleaning supplies. Typically, VOCs have short-term and long-term health effects. Because the concentrations of VOCs are usually relatively low and long-term effects slowly, research on the health impacts of indoor air quality and VOCs is still developing.

Cleaning Products to Avoid

Asthma Triggers

Ammonia compounds (benzalkonium chloride): Found often in fabric softeners and antibacterial cleaners. Ethanolamines in detergents. Bleach and ammonia: separately can trigger asthma, if mixed together create chlorine gas which can cause asthma in a single, large dose

Natural Alternatives

Not all natural products are safe. Do your research and use tools like ewg.org/cleaners and Environmental Defence. Natural and homemade cleaners are just as effective as synthetic chemicals. Not only does this make you healthier, but it also keeps our waterways cleaner. Canadians pour 3 million pounds of household cleaners down the drain every day.

Use these instead: Green Cleaning Recipes

Baking Soda: A fantastic abrasive that won’t scratch the surface, cuts grease, whitens and absorbs bad odors

Washing Soda: More alkaline than baking soda for a stronger cleaning agent. Great for degreasing, removing tough stains and cleaning grout

White vinegar: Antibacterial (kills 80% of germs), cuts through grease, adds shine (great for windows and glass) and deororizes

Hydrogen peroxide: Water with an added oxygen molecule is a strong germ killer. Wipe with hydrogen peroxide (3%), then follow with vinegar spray and leave it to evaporate for strongest germ-killing

Essential oils: Disinfect, deodorize and cut grease. Infuse citrus peels into spray cleaners or fill juiced shell with baking soda for a scrubber

Castile soap: Cuts grease and lifts dirt. Use for dishes, floors, textiles. Is highly concentrated, dilute properly before use (avoid palm oil if possible).

Cosmetics

Women use an average of 15 products; men about 6 or 7. Up to 60% of what you put on your skin is in your bloodstream within 15 minutes! The FDA has authorized the cosmetics industry to police itself through its Cosmetics Ingredient Review (CIP) panel. In its more than 30-year history, the CIR had declared only 11 ingredients or chemical groups to be unsafe. In comparison, the EU had declared thousands. 57% of skincare products contain “penetration enhancers” – chemicals like propylene glycol and sodium lauryl sulfate that bypass the skin and enter the bloodstream. Marketing claims have little meaning. Terms like “natural”, “unsentenced“, “hypoallergenic” and “dermatologist-tested” are meaningless. Even products labeled as organic are not necessarily safe. “Organic” products can contain petrochemicals, and even those “certified organic” can contain as little as 10% organic ingredients by weight or volume. Companies are not required to list ingredients that are “trade secrets”, fragrance components, or nanomaterials.

Dirty Dozen to Avoid and to look out for on labels

Avoid these ingredients in cosmetic products: 1,4 Diozane, Artificial musks, BHA & BHT, Coal-tar derived colour and PPD, Formaldehyde-releasing agents, Triclosane, Petrolatum, Phthalates, Silicon chemicals, Mineral oils, Ethylene oxide, Parabens

Hormone Disrupting Chemicals (EDSs or HDCs)

HDC’s are substances that interfere with the synthesis, secretion, transport, binding, action, or elimination of natural hormones in the body. Hormones are important regulators responsible for the maintenance fo the body’s homeostasis (balance), including optimal metabolism and elimination, reproduction, development and brain and nerve function.

Major Concerns of HDC’s

The main endocrine systems affected are the thyroid, the adrenals and the reproductive glands, resulting in 1) Reprodutive and developmental effects (1 in 6 couples struggle to conceive), 2) Neurological, behavioral and cognitive imbalances, 3) metabloic effects, 4) Immunological and carcinogenic effects, and 5) effects on the stress and sugar metablolism regulation.

Tips: What can be done

Clean indoor air and dust regularly. Eat organic (especially for meats and dairy, choose low mercury fish). Choose natural personal care products. Avoid harmful plastics and BPA. Avoid toxic cleaning products. Avoid toxic lawn care products. Avoid non-stick coatings and get a cast-iron pan to make epic omelets (for the cottage!) instead. Use natural materials for food storage such as wax papers, glass containers, etc. Avoid antibacterial products and cleaners. Avoid stain repellents and flame retardants.

Stay Happy. Stay Healthy.