“When someone tells me they are getting a divorce, I say, ‘CONGRATULATIONS!’ If you’re doing it, I guess you needed it. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. The best thing that could have happened for my kids. And the best thing that could have happened to my ex. Everyone in my family became who they needed to be from this situation. We all became the heroes of our own journey.” – Eat Pray Love
Many of my readers have noticed that I am divorced. It is not a secret. I do not think it is fair to my ex to discuss specifics on the internet. I also wanted to wait until the divorce was finalized to let my readers know about it here. I want to write this post because many of you have followed our lives from the beginning and because I know some of my friends are going through separations and divorces.
I want to write this post in a way so it may help other women who are going through the same decision-making process. Keep in mind that is is not worth it to spend your life with someone who you don’t love and who doesn’t make you happy for any reason, emotional, financial, kids, cheater, abusive relationship etc.
First of all, no decision to separate a marriage or a long term relationship is easy. And I have to admit that I agonized over it for quite some time but certain things that happened pointed me in that direction that it is the best for myself and my son. While it was a very hard decision, I have to say I have not been this happy with my life for a very long time. It is hard, and it is frustrating at times, but I have a free, happy feeling inside of me that I haven’t felt in years. And it certainly gets projected onto my son.
“Neither of us is happy but neither of us wants to leave so we keep breaking one another and calling it love” – Rumi Kaur
For me, the realization that I was not happy in my marriage came on slowly. I did not know or rather did not want to see what was wrong at first. I felt like I was trapped with no way out and simply unhappy and I wanted something more; something different. It took me months to understand what I was feeling and what it was connected to. And then more time to make a solid decision that I didn’t want to go back and forth anymore. Again, I don’t want to discuss the whys here because it would not be fair to my son’s father. However, the decision felt right. I learned that there is a huge difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you.
At this point in my life, I do not blame anyone and just feel it was for the better. I realized that what I needed to grow and to be a better person and to achieve something in my life wasn’t what I had or what I wanted anymore. Too many things have happened. But in a divorce, especially whenever children are involved, it is important to at least try to agree and stay amicable about everything.
I know that many women out there feel/felt trapped, unhappy with the person they are with, confused and not sure if there is a way out. I felt all those things for a long time until I started making my way out. Sometimes two people just have to separate and move on. For their own sake, for the sake of the child(ren). In some cases, I know that sometimes happy parents apart are better than lifeless, angry parents together.
Wouldn’t you rather be alone instead of being with someone who does not love you or give you what you need? Take your time, listen to your feelings and prepare for your new life. When people found out that my ex and I separated, they were so confused because we seemed so happy together and indeed we were for many years. But in the last years, there was a deep-seated feeling that something was off and it just grew and grew. Things change, people change, feelings change. In my case, this change is a good chance to newfound independence.