Big chapters in my life are closing while new ones open up. In the meantime, the summer approaches. I anticipate the best for me and my son to an unreasonable degree. My heart, body, and mind enjoy the idyllic weather every day, awesome music (Jazz festival) that makes me feel like being in a Chaka Khan video. If I were to reflect on memories and events of the past couple of months, there would only be one overwhelming theme: uncertainty.
For me, this spring and summer is just ripe with big hopes, changes, and set up with high expectations that won’t end with “if
Now that his school year and mine comes to an end, I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. This past year went by in a heartbeat. My birthday is around the corner, and I always expect that as I get older
and wiser I become less interested in staying up past 1 a.m., but this won’t happen. I love my life. Every single second of it. All the ups and downs, sleepless nights spent with a good book, long conversations with friends, good and bad decisions were all part of the journey that got me where I am today. Reassessing the last year, I have to say that I truly made the most possible of every single month. All it sometimes takes is just a simple mindset-shift.
This morning, my son and I walked to school together. I dropped him off and realized that something new is around the corner for him, too. One last walk, one more time at his playground, one more time with his friends who accompanied him for one year. And he is excited about his new chapter of uncertainty while looking at it all with a playful approach. And so should we all. When I realized, I walked out of my school for the last time, it did it with a bit of emotions that made my heart heavy. But as my son says, “It is all good!”
I am excited for us and ready for it. And if I am being honest, I am not nervous because I have been working hard on my self and the future and what is best for us. As we walked across the street together he grabbed my hand. We walked into this new and foreign space full of uncertainty but as he grabbed my hand, the feeling that came over me what happiness. I know as long as I can hold his tiny hand, everything will be okay. We love each other unconditionally and give each other strength. Suddenly, he let go of my hand and I know that he will need me less and less by his side. He has grown up so much.
I am grateful for it all because I know I do not have much time left to hold his tiny hand. It is just a matter of time before his hand outgrows mine. It is inevitable. I cannot stop it. But I also would not want to if I could. So every feeling of surprise is matched with a feeling of gratitude. Watching him, by my side growing into his own independent, self-sufficient, amazing person is the sweetest gift I could have asked for. Regardless, now or later, if he needs my hand, is will be there.
Together we walk to new adventures. Time is too short and flies by. We might as well enjoy the sweet stuff while having a summer night of celebrations, putting our feet in the grass and having an impromptu ice cream. Because this is excatly what we need.
Stay happy. Stay healthy.