.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello!

“Health is not valued till sickness comes.” – Thomas Fuller

This is the music I am listing to while writing this. I am in love with it ever since my husband listened to it in the car on our way to Canada. My days are filled with change – constant change. Even though it is better now that I am in Germany, but the future is uncertain. The future is mostly uncertain – but with my family these days it is different. We do not come home at night and have dinner together, let’s say. However, we all do have to keep in mind that no matter how awesome a plan for the future may look – it could all change in one second. We do hear stories of someone going to the doctor for a routine check-up and leaves with the most horrible news.

I would consider my lifestyle as healthy. I could exercise more of course – I could eat healthier, but guess what? I feel okay this way. I believe that being healthy is just tied into everything else. I am writing about this because I try to stay positive and focus on solely on my husband since he told me he is not feeling well. Currently, he is working in Kinshasa/Congo for the United Nations. Previously, he worked in Bamako and Gao/Mali. Yep, crazy, I know. Jokingly, upon his departure, we gave each other “the promise” that we won’t let anything happen to us while we are apart. He did not feel 100% himself since Mali actually, but just carried on – he is very strong. How long can you “go on”? Only to a certain extend. At some point, the body tells you to stop and slow down. Last year in July I was a little worried how he looked when he picked us up at the airport in Paris. Not scared or anything – just surprised that he looked pale and just not the way I remembered him. I know my husband and when he admits not feeling well, he really must feel horrible.

To know that he is there and I am here has given me a whole new outlook on life. I have so much time to think and sit and miss him, you know. It is so different to have a relationship like mine. If your partner would be home in the afternoon every day and you could make him a hot soup and a cup of tea if he is not feeling well seems is just not possible for us these days. I think that we do put so much importance in useless stuff or worry about things we cannot change. I close my eyes for a bit and my husband’s face pop’s up. We are indeed very close – even though we are so many miles apart. He really is my best friend and I want him to feel good. I want him to be healthy. I am able to talk and share things with him for so long now and we created this special bond that I don’t want to miss anymore. He is dealing with my bitching (Hello, I am a woman!) sometimes and did not lose his mind yet. Isn’t it sad that we only really wake up, once something bad happens? Do we only pay attention to the love around us when times get rough? To realize that health and family are so important is key. Also, all this negativity is a waste of time and pointless. I keep in mind to treat every days as it would be my last. And my husband will be fine. I know he will!

Je t’aime mon amour.

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello and Happy Sunday! 

We finally have snow in Germany – and where my parents live it snowed enough to build a snowman and make some snow angels. I loved it. We played for quite some time until we got hungry. My mom cooked something awesome for lunch and if it was just yesterday, I felt like a kid again. Like a kid playing outside, then taking our snowsuits off and rushing inside to the warmth of the house, the kitchen and my mom. I am so glad, my son is able to experiences all this. 

Two days ago I wrote that my son hurt himself pretty badly at the couch table. The way he cried I knew that he was in pain. And I felt so helpless at this point and angry at myself that I cannot protect him 24/7. It was one single second, he tripped over the carpet and fell. Just so fast! Parenting is tough – some days are easy and others harder.

I remember when my son was just two days old and we left the hospital – me thinking “Why do they let me take this baby home? I have no clue what I am doing! Does this all or the baby come with a manual?” Fact is that we teach ourselves how to be the best parents. We have all the experiences from our childhood, thinking about the values my parents lived by. Then of course we add a bit of common sense to it all and are simply parents. I am most certainly not a perfect mother and things happen and I do make mistakes. Why? Because I am human. What I do try though is to treat my son like a tiny adult. I show him respect and treat him how I would like to be treated. I talk to him the way I would love to be spoken to which is not screaming or yelling. Sometimes, I do need to raise my voice – again, human! I like him to grow up confident, honest and strong. These days I do feel that we do have a strong, special  bond and that he trusts me blindly. 

Trust is very important in my marriage and of course I want to teach my son these values. I want to teach him that no matter what he does – he must be honest with me. No lying. Period. This is really my only rule. Also for my marriage.  

One more thing! I read an interesting article the other day regarding what kids watch on TV. My son still likes to watch Peppa Pig or Maisy Mouse and he even focuses for a while when we do watch a Pixar or Disney movie. I don’t like to watch too much TV myself – if you haven’t noticed by now, I am addicted to books so my free time is usually spent reading. There is one movie however, that I can watch over and over and truly adore. “The Land Before Time”. 

Have you seen this amazing movie? The main character is Littlefoot, a cute little plant-eating dinosaur, who together with his friends, tries to find the Great Valley, after his mother died. She tried to protect him of Sharptooth, a carnivore. Littlefoot’s mother told him with her last breath how to reach the Great Valley where the rest of his family and friends will wait for him. Initially, Littlefoot and his friend Cera start their journey with great adventures. They meet new friends and are constantly followed by Sharptooth, who tries to kill them. 

This movie makes me tear up every single time. (My husband would say that I should really see a shrink at this point, but I don’t care. It is so beautifully done and the story is amazing.

What are the rules you live by in your relationship/marriage? What tips can you share to stay sane in this whole parenting-business? What are your favorite kids movies? I would love to hear from you. 

Have a great next week. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzf0SFlicN8

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello!

When I was a child, I loved to start new folders. Preferably in school and at home. Organizing and starting something new are still things I like to do to this day. It gives me a great feeling to have the choice to start fresh. A new day, a new book, a new organizer, a new moleskin notebook and whatnot. The same goes for the new year. You leave the old one behind and start nice and fresh – with or without New Year’s resolutions. Honestly, these resolutions never worked for me. From “Tonight I smoke my last cigarette” to “I start working out every day in the new year” made me fall back in my old habits sooner or later. Okay, I did quit smoking for good about four years ago now but not due to a New Year’s resolution. (yaaay!)

The great things about the New Year is that it is a blank, clean slate. We do have the opportunity to start new every single day, right? To remove all the negativity and replacing it with positivity, lessons we have learned, love and happiness. I think with the approaching new year it is just extra special. As I sit here and write, I think and like to reflect on 2015. These 12 months were very special, filled with traveling, changes and challenges. I enjoy these last couple of hours with my parents and my son. My husband is back in Congo and we cannot be together today. Thankfully, he made it back without any trouble. I am thinking also about the next 12 months ahead and what the new year will bring. Looking back at my little blog here and how far it has grown since I started writing in March is amazing and I thank you all for reading and sticking around.

I say goodbye to 2015 and beautiful views, awesome travels, beautiful moments, wonderful days, sunsets and sunrises. But also storms, arguments, tough decisions and changes. Looking at all this I am taken back to all those particular days, scenes and times when they indeed did occur. All these memories are good memories and I don’t want to miss them. They made me to what I am today. I think it is important to reflect on the past year – everything that was good, bad or even ugly and to learn from the experiences. We live and learn and should be able to grow from what we have learned, right? Be thankful and to love.

I am thankful for my family, for my parents and siblings, grandparents, uncle, aunt cousins, nephews and friends. Thank you 2015 for everything I have learned and I welcome 2016 with whatever it will bring. Canada, University, moving, studying, writing and whatnot. I am looking forward to all this and new adventures.  I hope you all have a wonderful, exciting, weird, crazy and enlightening 2016 that will bring you joy, peace, fun and love.

Happy New Year!

Thank you for reading my blog.