.SOMETIMES RAW.

“My mother was right. When you have nothing left, all you can do is to get into silk underwear and start reading Proust” – Jane Birkin

What is your “Quarantine-Read”? My neighbors don’t seem to read. Yesterday, they had a huge fight. Their window was open. So was mine. Being stuck inside is getting to everyone eventually I guess. The woman: “I CANNOT believe I got married to you! I must have been completely drugged up! YOU SUCK! I want a DIVORCE!” The man: “I would leave right now, but I cannot. I AM STUCK HERE WITH YOU, F*** you, Corona!” (Ha! Not the wifey’s name!)

When I think about romance, I think of two kinds of relationships: the “opposite attracts” and the “kindred spirits” relationships. The former is the classic, the one we are taught to aspire to as kids. This couple is made up of two opposites, centered around the passion and attraction that mystery causes. We are curious about and drawn to other beings because of their dissimilarities to ourselves. It makes sense to be fascinated by our counterparts, and we can learn a lot by hanging out with our opposite. Not to mention the biological sense behind falling in love with someone physically different from us to have happy, healthy, genetically mixed babies with. I like to be with my “kindred spirit”. I am sure this type of relationship has been around for as long as the “opposite attract” version, but it seems to be going through a renaissance. In a society where feminism is becoming mainstream, and where equality is slowly starting to be valued over tradition, a new type of #relationshipgoals is natural.

For those of us who care very little about tradition and gender, and a lot more about self-realization and freedom of societal demands, a romance is less about who opens the door for whom and who picks up the check on the date. Instead, it is more about being heard and seen and encouraged and wanted. For you. Not for the typical properties of your gender. To be honest, I never want to be treated as The Woman of the relationship. I want to be treated as Daniela – an equal. And when I look at my partner, I don’t see the man/the woman. I see my partner. I see a person I am passionately in love with. I couldn’t care less about his masculinity/femininity. I still wonder what that could possibly have to do with anything? At all?

When I look at my partner I want to see my teammate and my coach. My manager and best friend, my personal trainer and my inspiration. I want to see someone who’s got my back (no pun intended, stupid pinched nerve) and makes me feel courageous. I want to see a capable, beautiful, fascinating human being whom I cannot get enough of, but sometimes get completely fed up with. This type of relationship might not be for everyone, but it works for me. A partner and I are still two people, but we would share one life. Crazy, no? We would sometimes get on each other’s nerves, argue, and make up after. But we always communicate. I want someone who, whatever my next semi-brilliant idea will be, won’t ask why? He will ask why not.

Here some ideas for the making of a happy relationship. Just in case you need it. Again, being stuck at home calls for a lot of thinking. Don’t kill your significant other just yet.

Don’t fear change. In this crazy time, this is very important. Things change. Situations change. It is vital that the person I am with is not holding me back or is scared of me changing and trying new things. It can be terrifying to see people you love move in a new direction, but it is all about trust.

Learn how to fight properly. We all get annoyed and stressed out. Even if we don’t want to, it happens. There is no perfect couple, but there are happy couples. Those are the ones who respect each other enough to never get out of line and become truly mean. No name-calling, issue threats or ultimatums or go after each other’s sore spots on purpose. Even when arguing, I want to know that my partner is not out to hurt me. Also, happy couples are good at apologizing and forgiving. If there is real love for one another, it is easy to move on.

Having the same rhythm. This could mean anything from being on the same page with our views and philosophies or what my dreams and hopes are. How much hang-out time versus alone time we need or how we both get inspired by the same movies, books etc. The more I am feeling the same beat, the easier things will be. Not that you cannot have a happy relationship with someone you are completely different from (loves tomatoes/detests tomatoes). I believe you can. Whatever works for you. I am sharing what works for me.

Miscellaneous things that come to my mind: Ask questions. All of them, even the tough ones. Then listen attentively. Take your partner for a long walk. Reconnect. Look at things together. Sometimes that is all it takes. Surprises: little gifts, spontaneous date nights. Start something together: gym, train for something, courses. Whatever adventure you embark on, make it yours and dream big. Obviously, respect the basics: honesty, loyalty, trust, and adoration. Show them you love them. Telling isn’t enough. Kitchen sessions, meaning: Spend quality time in the kitchen, give them a glass of wine and a kiss. And chocolate. Then talk about stuff. For hours. Put on some music, cook together. Repeat once every two weeks. Tell them you love them. Showing it isn’t enough.

Conquer the world together. Simple, isn’t it?

I am so glad you want to visit me here in Vienna. Good to hear from you. Unfortunately, I am out of town and it is a bummer that we miss each other. I will be missing in action for a while because my boyfriend, my son and I are sneaking away for a bit to travel and purchase a house in Morocco since we think it is a great investment. We will rent it out later on and get security to protect it when we are not in Morocco obviously. Also, while we are there, we write a book together. It is all planned out. The title is “Faster than the Speed of Love”. We are super stoked about it.  Do you like it? But we will discuss all the details when we meet soon. No worries.

In any case, I know you are only around for a couple of days but here are the restaurants you should definitely check out while in town. For breakfast, you have to try French Insanity in the 3rd District. They usually open by 8 am but if you are not in line by  5.30 am, forget it. On their menu is one slice of french toast wrapped in wax paper. You are only allowed to purchase one and they usually run out by  8.10 am. They don’t serve cinnamon, butter or anything else with it. They also hate maple syrup. Sorry, I know, you still claim to live in Canada but their french toast is so good that it does not need maple syrup. Trust me! They do offer ketchup though and for whatever reason three cinnamon-raisin bagels and a large French Vanilla Latte for Euro 20. They say that this is the perfect food for diabetics. No clue why they add that in fine print at the end of the menu because it is actually bad for diabetics. Go figure.

For lunch, I would recommend Antonio’s in the 4th District. Not the Original Antonio’s since the Italian mob burned down the entire building when some gang members wanted to invade and take over. It is still the best Italian food in town though. I go there, like 5 times a week for lunch. Okay, technically it is not in the city. It is actually a little stand at the main concourse of the minor-league soccer team outside of Vienna; close to the suburbs. You also have to take the train to get there and purchase a ticket to see a soccer game, but hey, this should not deter you. You will love it. Everything on the menu is awesome. Try the triple-layer cake. It is ridic. Overall, the food is to die for. FYI: Watch out for any open trunks on cars close to the river.

If you don’t like Italian food, try Holy I Do Not Give A Shit Basil in the 6th District. This is close to where I live. Their food is all vegetarian but you will think it is gluten/dairy free paleo autoimmune diet food. The awesome thing is that they grow all their food right in the restaurant, so you get the real table-to-table experience. Another highlight is that this restaurant is right next to the used-book store that is never open but they have a great selection. Another option for supper: I would recommend the amazingly authentic Pho restaurant PHO-Me-NOW. However, you cannot get in there without a Vietnamese passport. It is kind of difficult to track those down but it is so worth it. Let me know if you need help with this and I introduce you to “my guy”. With him, it is no problem if you cannot get your paperwork in order on time. Trust me. They also change your kid’s passport overnight. Unless you reported your wife at Immigration Austria that she forged your signature on the application for your son’s passport just because you are angry and know that she just tried to get a new passport with an updated picture in it so they recognize the child at the airport. I know of a case when someone actually did that in Canada. Can you believe it? How pathetic is this guy, eh?! I know you would never do such a thing, so check out this Pho Restaurant for sure.

Another alternative for supper is “Le Bukowski’s aka The Buck Typewriter“ which is in the 3rd District. It is another new French restaurant that opened recently by a guy who is going through a divorce and threatens his wife via emails. Word on the street is that he opened this restaurant even though he got kicked off the TV-Show “Top French Onion Soups where Onions Simmer in Red Wine” because one of his recipes killed a judge and someone else made a way better onion soup. It is a little pricey but in the long run, every course will change your life. Some of them in ways you will never expect. It is all so worth it. The baguette they serve made me realize that I am not really afraid of anything anymore and that I am strong. I mean, wow, right? Try the Absinthe or Ricard they served with or before the appetizer. It is stimulating.

Otherwise, Spinners in the 6th District is a great fun diner (diner/dinner). Heads up: the service is a little slow and do not try to get the black bubble gum from the bubble gum machine to eat there for free. You will waste too much money.  The original staff from the sixties is mostly still there. They only added some desperate students who need money. When a server or cook dies, they do not replace them so the kitchen gets pretty backlogged. Enjoy looking at the pictures all around the restaurant while you desperately wait for your food though. You cannot purchase the artwork. If you want the full Spinners-experience order the “Hungry Man”. They put sawdust in it, which Bob, the owner insists is some kind of old tradition. It tastes horrible at first and you think it is the worst breakfast you ever had. The second bite is better though and then you will end up loving it. Also, do not mention that you are from France. Mr. Bob doesn’t like immigrants and has some “opinions”.

Ready for dessert? How come no matter how full you are, there is always room for dessert? Okay, so there is this great place you have to check out. It is called EXtremely INSecure in the 7th District. It is Japanese I believe. It is close to the hotel where you are staying. Just one block down the road actually. They have this amazing ice cream with savory toppings such as gravy, paprika or balsamic vinegar. The sweet/salty craze is all over town these days since it is so hot.  If you like it, maybe we can go together one day. Let me know what you end up doing while you are in town. And have fun.

My son: “Mom, what is the Coronavirus?”

Me: “It is a word you might have heard at school or online on the iPad. This Coronavirus is a newly discovered virus. It causes a disease called COVID-19. Most people who have gotten sick with this virus have had a mild case. And there aren’t a lot of cases in kids. If kids do get the virus, it tends to be very mild.”

My son: “What does ‘mild’ mean?”

Me: “Mild means not very strong. Like mild salsa is the least spicy. I myself prefer spicy salsa though. People who are much older or who already have health problems are more likely to get sicker with Coronavirus.”

My son (tearing up): “Noooooooo…….what about Grandma, Grandpa and uncle, and aunt?”

Me: “If anyone gets sick and feels like they might have Coronavirus, they can immediately call their doctors and get help. Oma and Opa and aunt and uncle will all be fine. Don’t worry. They all have a strong immune system.”

My son: “What’s an immunity system?”

Me: “Immune system, sweetheart. It is a defense system of your body. It keeps the bad bacteria out. There are some things you can do to protect your immune system and yourself, family and friends from getting sick.”

My son: “How?”

Me: “Number 1. Wash your hands often. Use soap and water. Wash for at least 20 seconds. If it helps, sing the ABC’s while you do it. That’s about 20 seconds. Wash after using the bathroom or being in public spaces like the subway, bus, train or playground. 2. Sneeze into your elbows. Coronavirus is believed to spread through little droplets of fluid from your lungs. If you sneeze into the elbows, you can prevent germs from going into the air and onto your hands. 3. Avoid touching your sweet face. Don’t pick your nose, don’t touch your mouth, don’t rub your eyes. These are the places where germs enter your body. 4. Eat healthy things. Lots of vitamins, such as fruit and vegetables. 5. Don’t stand super close to other people. Especially not the ones who sneeze and cough a lot. 5. When you do get sick, we stay at home.

My son: “But I love picking my nose!”

Me: “Geez, you can still do it, just use a tissue. Then throw it away. It is very important to remember that this kind of virus can affect anybody. It does not matter where you come from or what country your parents are from.”

My son: “Okay, I think I understand. So, we eat healthily and drink smoothies with blueberries and bananas. We won’t get sick, Mommy?! Right?! Right!? Right!?”

Me: “Of course not, my love. Don’t worry and listen to people who try to scare you. Everything will be okay.