you are only six years old. Playdates, not “real dates” await you for many years ahead. But, at the right time, as you grow, take a look at the books I have written. Some articles will help you in choosing friends, too, not just when seeking a romantic partner. Learn to be intuitive and observant. Believe me, I learned this the hard way throughout my dating “career”. Use your head together with your heart. Quickly size up those around you, to better understand and interact with them. Learn to adapt your approach and dialogue to the different personalities you meet. This way you will get more easily what you want or need, and persuade others of your points of view. Do you know how you can test this? Come to me and convince me that you are right when I think otherwise. The world awaits you. Enjoy your life adventure.
This section is for when you are quite a bit older: Are you searching for the “right” partner, but finding lots of “wrongs?” Listen, avoid dubious dates and walk away from trouble. Say goodbye to heartaches and wasted time. How? Learn how to profile. Believe me, I learned the hard way many times. First: Know Yourself. The deeper you delve into your heart and mind, the better prepared to recognize your ideal match. Be truthful. What is important to you? What do you value? Career, hobbies, pets? Family and friends? Money and material objects? Religion? Sexual preferences? THEN imagine your partner. I believe, qualities that are MUSTS for any partner are supportive, considerate and respectful. There is no exception to this rule! Moving on to shared values, common interests, ways of interacting and communicating. Physical appearance and personality, to morals, values and life vision. My love, don’t worry if you cannot come up with an exact portrait. Think about it and explore because dating is trial and error. Looking for casual relationships and not the “perfect one” yet? That’s ok, but still, choose “good matches”. This way, you will have a better time and maybe make lasting friends.
Examples: You are at work. You see and meet interesting people or are introduced to someone for the first time. Start to observe. Who is the person? What are they communicating to you? Verbally and non-verbally, with their gestures and their eyes. Are they lying or telling the truth? Observe, analyze, think, then decide. Decide to jump in, or walk/run away. I will share some bad date distractions with you. This may be useful whether you meet people online, at a party, bar, or any other venue.
- Take a good look at the other person’s body language or non-verbal expression. They way they move, gesture because the stands communicate a wealth of information about self-confidence and honesty. Take a look at the appearance: clothing, choice of hair color, jewelry, tattoos, tidy or unkempt, arty/hip? But be careful because appearance can also be deceiving. What you wear is not who you are. Very famous people opt for a hoodie and jeans. So, don’t judge on appearance alone.
- Touch/Personal Space: Handshake (stong/limp), eye contact, personal space. Isn’t it nice to get a firm handshake, a smile and good eye contact from a person? These nonverbal cues usually indicate a confident, positive person, at ease with him/herself. Personal space varies of course. A tentative handshake and evasive eyes? May be the body language of a shy or insecure person. Observe.
- Facial expressions. Smile or frown? What is their face telling you about their personality or interest in you? Do they look at you directly or are their eyes shifting away or downward, moving, blinking?
- During conversations: Is it open and respectful? Is he/she facing and focused on you? Is he or she really listening to what you are saying? Is he/she interested in you? I observed that when people are engaged in talks with me, they listen with their eyes – looking directly at me with interest to gauge the other’s response and maintain the flow of conversation. They wait patiently for a response, showing respect and focusing on me. I know that when someone is really comfortable, light touching is included, such as touching the arm or lightly tap on shoulders or back, if this is appropriate. I mean, it is obvious that someone constantly checking their phone while with you is not really interested in what you have to say or who you are. Time to walk away? Could be. Also, watch out for commanding, belittling or controlling personality.
- Posture/Gestures: Leaning forward or back, arms or legs crossed, slouching or sitting up straight? Simple gestures may add to the conversation. Constant wild gestures could be cues to dramatic, center-stage type, attention-seeking personalities. But some foreign cultures use gestures more than others.
- Listen to their tone of voice. I study linguistics so this is very interesting to me. What they say and how they say it. Listen carefully to pitch and loudness. How they pause and stress words. Do they speak clearly? A self-confident person does not mumble. Is their voice overly loud? Annoying? High-pitched? Are they seeking an audience other than you? Possibly and arrogant, self-centered person? But words themselves may not tell the whole story. So, listen carefully to how they are said.
This all may seem challenging but believe me, I have been dealing with these things for many years. But you will be surprised to find you already know many techniques and automatically use them in everyday interactions because I have been teaching you these things. With this little checklist, you can become even more aware of the infinite clues people unconsciously reveal during conversations. Now, get going and look for that special person, my love.