.SOMETIMES RAW.

I love you, mom. Happy birthday. You make the best chicken soup on this planet. Hope to see you soon. <3

Advice My Mom Gave Me: Do what you love but finish school and get a degree.

Me: Go to college or university only if you’ll major in science, engineering, or money. It’s a bleak job market, and majoring in English literature or anything with the word “English” in it has been useless unless you want to become an English teacher.

My Mom: Never show up to a party empty-handed.

Me: Never send a text to the host twenty minutes before the party starts to say that you’re “sooooooo sorry” to cancel but you have stomach issues.

My Mom: You want a job? Write resumes and apply.

Me: Apply to jobs via LinkedIn, ZipRecruiter, nepotism, or Vitamin B. Write a cover letter and attach your résumé, then manually enter the same information through the company’s portal, which looks as though it was designed in Microsoft Paint. Do this twenty times a day for two years, and you’re bound to make it to the third round of phone interviews before getting ghosted. They might let you wait for months, let you redo the test and interview, then re-apply for your post, or don’t call you at all.

My Mom: Don’t put photos of yourself on the Internet. You’ll get kidnapped! Or your child. Also, why do you have to share so much other stuff on Facebook or your blog?

Me: Post thousands of carefully curated photos of your life on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn so you can build a following and attract sponsors who reflect your core values.

My Mom: Spend your twenties finding a partner within a two-mile radius of your village. Someone who is “normal”. Then build a house, settle down, keep your job even though it sucks, build a white fence around your house, get a dog and a cat (optional), two (or more) children, and plant a tree. Come over for coffee and cake anytime.

Me: Spend your twenties and thirties moving between the U.S. and Canada, back to Germany, maybe Italy, and finally Vienna to figure out what you want in an ideal partner by dating as much as possible imagining you found real love. Have one child in between.

My Mom: Never date someone who seems weird to you. Listen to your gut.

Me: Don’t listen to your gut because you know better. Listen to your head that tells you, “He might not be the best but he takes the garbage out if you remind him. And he cooks you dinner if you pay for it because he is broke in the middle of the month. Or he smokes a joint to drive more safely because people on the road make him aggressive.” Date someone who rides a unicycle, is a Fruitarian and shares his apartment with seven cats. Date someone who wants to start ten projects at the same time and gets nothing accomplished in the end. Date someone who has an ego as high as Mount Everest. Then get married to those men and listen to your mom who will say, “I told you so! We all did!” Then get a divorce and pay for everything.

My Mom: Invest early. Get life insurance. Safe money. Don’t overspend and never be in debt unless it is for a car (that you really need) or a house. THOSE are good investments.

Me: Spent all your savings on divorces and books.

My Mom: Never wait to do your taxes.

Me: If you wait long enough to do your taxes, there might be a global crisis/pandemic that forces the federal government to extend the deadline. Then you can wait some more and do them right before the new deadline.

My Mom: Don’t talk to strangers (on the Internet). Avoid eye contact on the bus and subway.

Me: Talk to every stranger (on the Internet), because meeting new real friends is really fucking hard. I spoke to the lady who decided it is okay to eat her seafood lasagna next to me at 7:30 am on the train. She never became my friend.

I wrote about this. ————> [Subway Creatures: How not to be an asshole on the train]

My Mom: Find a good job that pays well so you can save for retirement and enjoy life.

Me: Retirement is something you’ll read about in your history books under the rubric “Abstract Ideas.” Who knows if we all even get there. This damn pandemic taught me to live in the here and now, enjoy life, spend money but all within my means. And I actually consider twice if I really need something before purchasing.

My Mom: Health is the most important thing we have. Invest in health.

Me: THIS I fully agree with. <3

I considered the alternatives and failed many times because you were pretty much right on with everything. Love you, Mom.

Are you overwhelmed with stores opening again? With masses of people everywhere? Don’t get me wrong. I love that life gets somewhat back to “normal” but all these people everywhere freak me out a bit. I got used to “quiet” and am looking for alternative ways to live. Is that weird? To me, it is important to encompass all the fundamental values that help my son and I live a more wholehearted life, from being connected to the present moment to appreciate the little things and taking time to enjoy and celebrate life. Of course, life is life, and there are many things that try to hinder me on my quest to live more in the present, including the glorification of being busy, consumer culture and materialism, our digital age, and virtual consumption.

What does society tell us? That there is an association of being “busy” and being successful which is a dangerous equivalence. We cannot be busy every hour of every day, so when do we stop? How do I know when I have reached the limit of my busyness and the peak of my success? And if I am not achieving anything, for example workwise, does that mean I am failing?

For some, there is a deep fear that if they stop being busy, for just a moment, they could be confronted with silence, and even more terrifying, we would have to face the fact that perhaps what we are “busy” doing isn’t actually that important at all. Think about this for a moment.

It is important to remember that success does not just have to be defined by the big moments in my life or by collecting material possessions. There can be great significance in the small, quiet moments and in life’s little details. Just stop to think about it, there are other ways to evaluate how successful our lives are. For example, the connection with others, how much love and happiness I inspire, the impact I have on my surroundings.

How we shop and consume things has changed dramatically over the last years, with shopping and buying material items becoming entangles with our identities and social statuses. We are used to consuming things at a rapid rate, not only in terms of our shopping habits and the products we buy but also in how we consume information. Pretty much anything is available at all hours of the day but if it is no longer cool or relevant it simply goes out of style. Whether or not an item is “in fashion” or “in style” remains the driving force behind consumerism. One of the reasons that consumerism has become such a fundamental part of our society is the fact that shopping and buying things gives us a sense of identity, and most importantly, our sense of worth comes from the “stuff” we consume. Often, this is fueled by the idea that something is lacking from within, and whatever we consume can fill that void and fix us. it is also apparent in the way women and men are marketed and portrayed in magazines. Magazines are good at showing impossibly perfect ideals and with the turn of a page, showing products that will help attain this unrealistic definition of “beauty”, whether it is clothing, beauty products, or home decor. Did I get off on a tangent here? 🙂

It is so easy to get caught in the loop of working to earn money, to buy material possessions, to improve social status and happiness. But, of course, material possessions and consuming things don’t actually do this. I keep repeating this but for me, experiences, not things, make me happy. Buying stuff can be fun (books), but it is important to notice what is motivating me to shop and consume. Whether I am buying something because it is an essential item or whether it is a treat or luxury, providing a boost for my sense of identity and self-worth. It is also important to realize that even essential purchases are still wrapped up with my sense of self. Actually, separating my consumer choices from my sense of identity is difficult, but having an awareness of the industry and how we are marketed gives me the understanding to make more conscious choices.

And, there are always things to look forward to. They do not need to be big or extraordinary events but can be really simple pleasures such as cooking dinner and having friends over. Also, spring is around the corner. And summer. And beach. And lake. And BBQs. And strawberry-picking. Just a little reminder in case you forgot. Oh, you are welcome.

The idea: I said to my son, “Let’s make some chocolate muffins. You know how to do it!” We love to cook and bake things. Something you probably don’t know about me: I am a Certified Holistic Nutritionist (CNP) who can practice in Canada and the U.S. but not (yet) in Europe. I will share an article about it all when appropriate.

The scene & utensils: Kitchen, table, large bowl, and a hand-held mixer (since when do I have a hand-held mixer, mom?)

The ingredients: 2 eggs, flour, baking soda, milk, butter, cacao, chocolate sprinkles, and Agave syrup instead of sugar.

The instructions: Place all the ingredients on the table, measure everything with a “food” scale (again, mom?!), and add to bowl. This is where my son comes in. He is in charge of mixing everything together. Here we go:

1. Every single surface of the room is sticky and coated with a fine, white powder within two minutes.
2. I said, “Please don’t touch that! Bag that up right now! Bag! It! Up!” and his name at least a dozen times in the past forty-five minutes. Then I shouted, “Be careful with the mixer!”
3. My mood and attitude are completely at odds with the loud, cheerful music at this radio station mixed with more horrifying Corona news that serves as the soundtrack for our activities. “Ask Alexa to play Best of Patti Smith!”
4. The baking partner assigned to me is covered in flour and chocolate and is constantly asking questions.
5. I think I may be too old for this shit. As a colleague at work said, “Just buy the damn muffins!”
6. My son’s baking methods would be roundly criticized by any fire marshall with half a brain in his head, but it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.
7. The whole apartment is covered in fingerprints.
8. I have said, “Did you wash your hands? DID YOU? Wash! Your! Hands!” at least a million times in the past forty-five minutes.
9. I have shed a few tears while I clean up. It’s not like I am made of stone. This Corona-virus-s*** is getting to me hard but I want to make my son feel good. If I don’t let this stuff out once in a while, it’ll turn me into a monster.
10. He moves things around before I can take photos (to send to my parents). Wait. Is this a Lego figure in the dough and who put it in?
11. Somehow, I have to mold these doughy elements into a cohesive whole — something I can tuck into a neat and tidy box and tie-up with a bow to give some to my neighbor. Something the outside world will accept.
12. Is this chocolate, maybe blood, Lego figures, or PlayDoh?
13. We did it. The muffins look okay. I don’t expect any thanks for what I did and do on a daily basis in this Pandemic. I am also a hairdresser and a teacher now. I can do it all. I can cut my own and my son’s hair. I am also able to teach first-grade mathematics, reading, and writing, art, sports, you name it. Corona made it all possible.
14. Oh, by the way, no one’s getting through this day without a tummy ache because there were indeed tiny pieces of Lego in it. Just get the Corona vaccine and turn into a giant Lego Zombie.