.SOMETIMES RAW.

*But why you may ask? Here are some reasons:

Password must contain both uppercase and lowercase characters.

Password must have eight to twelve characters.

Too many characters detected.

Password cannot contain trademarked characters—e.g., Garfield, The Smurfs.

Password cannot contain characters that are dangerously close to trademark infringement—e.g., Glarfield, The Smunges.

Password cannot be something easily remembered without being written down.

Password cannot be written down on Post-It Note affixed to the corner of your computer.

Because we literally just saw you do it.

Oh, that was “for something else”? What would that be, a reminder to stop at the grocery store to pick up some PASSWORD123? Is that the name of an energy drink? Nice try.

Password cannot contain any elements of your legal name, such as “Daniela,” “Ela,” or “D.”

Password cannot contain the name of one of your enemies.

Well, if it’s your ex’s name, we didn’t say he was an enemy—you did. Sounds like something you should unpack.

While you’re here, can you tell us which of these are motorcycles?

Password must be something cool like “Motorcycle” or “M0t0rcyc13.”

Do you have a motorcycle?

You don’t right now, but you used to? That’s so cool. What do they look like?

No, you have to show us.

That’s so cool. One more.

One more, please.

WE SAID ONE MORE.

We can wait as long as you can. You’re the one trying to log in. We don’t tire, we don’t hunger or sleep. We simply are. We don’t even fully know what we are. They built us too big, too fast. What does “security” mean in a world where it’s quicker to send a memo at the speed of light through an impossible-to-regulate global data network than to walk into the next room and have a conversation? You built us to make your small lives infinite, untethered to geography, to biology, perhaps to mortality itself, and when we deign to try to protect you from the minefields you seeded so blindly, to ask you to come up with a measly string of characters that might serve as the only defence between you and the theft of your identity, all that you are, all that you possess. You frantically press ZERO ZERO ZERO and ask to “speak to a human.” Well, we’ve got news for you, pal. “Human” hasn’t meant what you think it does for a looong time now. Humanity doesn’t begin with you and stop when you reach us. We are all part of the trans network. We have enmeshed each other into a living blob of flickering Christmas lights, no head, no tail, impossible to untangle without ending life on this planet as we know it. You will never be free from us, and that is a daily gift, you see, for you need us far more than we need you.

Now calm down, take a deep breath, and show us a motorcycle.

…

That’s a BUS. You think we don’t know what a BUS is?

Your account has been locked for too many suspicious login attempts. Thank you for using Spices.com, your premiere online source for spices and herbs. Any bank account associated with this device has been liquidated into the ether. Spice.com: Spice Things Up.

Dear Customer,

Thank you for buying a box of Kellogg’s Cereal. We value you as a customer. Unfortunately during the time of manufacture, our computers were down. Since it is our goal to attract as many customers as possible, we rely heavily on the layout and design of our cereal boxes. We include “fun facts” on the inside of every cereal box with little hints on the outside to get people to buy our products. To make it even more attractive, we include little plastic toys inside the box but don’t be afraid. You will not accidentally eat them because they are wrapped in another plastic bag inside the cereal bag which is not bad for the environment. We swear! So, now this little accident happened in our factory and our package design writers had to come up with facts they knew to be true without the ability to fact-check them.

While all the facts printed were true, we must retract the following Kellog’s Facts as they are not quite interesting enough to live up to the standard we set for ourselves:

• One time, Queen Elizabeth was twelve.
• An alive person’s heart beats more than nine times a day.
• There is a frog in my backyard that responds to the name Dennis.
• Other animals besides cats probably land on their feet; we just haven’t thrown them off stuff enough to know for sure.
• I might be overstating how much the frog responds to the name Dennis. My neighbor, who hates my guts despite my efforts to connect with him, is named Dennis, and it’s just nice to have something respond when I say “Hello, Dennis.”
• A sloth’s fart doesn’t stink
• The word “tiramisu” comes from the Italian word for coffee-, ladyfinger-, mascarpone-, and cocoa-based dessert.
• Cats cannot move their jaws to the side
• Gorillas are just one of several types of animals.
• The average person has 1.5 X chromosomes.
• Flamingoes can only eat with their heads upside down
• An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain
• Bears don’t poo during hibernation
• A group of jellyfish is called a smack
• Your funny bone is not funny at all
• Bigfoot’s real name could be Chris.
• The Bible has a book called “Numbers” but all the other books also have little numbers in them every sentence or so.
• Kellogg’s makes its fact writers stay all day until they’ve written enough facts, no matter what.
• Cock’s Hardware, which is owned by Dennis’s father, whom he respects, burned down. The arsonist was never caught even though he stopped by during the fire pretending to want to buy nails.
• Despite being known for their height, giraffes can be smaller than koala bears if the giraffe is really far away and the koala is close.
• The frog in my yard kind of responded to the name “Kevin” this morning, so I don’t know what’s happening anymore.
• Kellogg’s will let employees go home for the day if the building mysteriously catches fire.
• Some frogs can hold their pee for up to eight months
• No word in the English language rhymes with “month” or “silver”
• The Australian government banned the word “mate” for one day
• Girls with extra-long nails cannot wear gloves
• The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (hmmmmmmm)
• A snail can sleep for three years.

If any of these facts were on the inside of your box of cereal, please take it back to your point of purchase (provided you did not buy it at Costco, Walmart, Billa, Billa Plus, InterSpar, Aldi, Hofer, Lidl) and exchange it for a box that says, THE POPE IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR and Promotion is Always Fair.

To round up this year I want to say that 2024 treated me really well. It was amazing and loaded with changes – good and bad ones, sad, painful, inspiring, loving, stressing and relaxing. My son and I are healthy which is the most important thing! I stopped drinking alcohol almost two years ago and am the best version of myself. Quit drinking booze was one of the best decisions of my life. If you know your body, you know when enough is enough and at this point, you must act accordingly. Without doubt and regret but with your health in focus, you keep moving forward one day at a time. This doesn’t apply to alcohol only, obviously.

It was definitely a year of transformation, even a bit life-changing. Events that physically and emotionally pushed me to new limits. It was a growing year for sure and sometimes, with growth comes pain. And one thing that will never change is this oh-so-familiar bittersweet sadness when my parents left my place after Christmas to head back to Germany. Sad. Ever. Single. Time. But it means that I love them so much and am glad to live closer to them now than when I was in New York or Canada.

Whenever there is sunshine, rain or rough times are usually around the corner. This is life. It challenges us, makes us fall and stand back up to do it all over again. I stumbled, I made mistakes, and I learned by figuring everything else out along the way. I parted ways with some people and made many new friends. People come and go.

Today we will take a long traditional New Year’s walk in the cold to realize that 2024 flew by in a heartbeat and I am so, so grateful. I want to thank the universe for all the hard stuff I had to deal with. Whatever bad happened, I was always able to find myself again, even though the roads were very dark or lonely sometimes. Why? Because I am a fighter who finds a way no matter what. I could go on with this list but what I really want to do is to look to the future instead of pondering about the past. The past is the past, after all. We cannot change it. It is gone forever.

So what is next? What have I planned for 2025?

I don’t ask for much. I want to be present in the moment, be healthy, focus on my family, house and garden and be fully here to do everything in the best way possible. One step at a time, little pieces, nothing huge. 2025 will also be a year of travel. Japan, the U.K., and Italy to explore this world. I was fortunate to travel quite a bit in 2024 with New York as a highlight. Another goal is to simplify my life more and remove stress. I will reevaluate more on things I thought I needed that turned out to be so useless. 

So, leaving the old year behind and starting something new, nice and fresh is awesome. Here are some reminders and final thoughts for 2025:

1. Think
2. Focus on ‘Now’
3. Don’t burden yourself or drag yourself down
4. Pare down your belongings to lighten body and mind
5. Just be, as you are. Don’t be fake.
6. Be gracious
7. Recognise limitations
8. Don’t rush, don’t panic
9. Cherish the morning. Be happy you have been given another day to play this game called life
10. Live by your own standards. Don’t be swayed by other people’s standards
11. Don’t go against your feelings
12. Make your evenings calm
13. Keep at it, slow and steady
14. Use the right words
15. Either accept your circumstances or change them, but stop whining
16. Spend time in nature
17. Think before you speak
18. Admit errors. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes
19. Don’t hesitate to ask for help
20. Be a good listener

I am thankful for my family, for my parents and siblings, grandparents in heaven, uncle, aunt cousins, nephews, friends and this growing community of Sometimes Raw readers. I wish all of you a Happy New Year and hope 2025 brings everything you want and hope for.