This year, we planned something slightly different for Halloween. Romania, with Transylvania as the main destination. We arrived in Timisoara and explored, headed to Brasov and Bran Castle, Poenari Fortress, and Transfagarasan road, and slept in a Bed & Breakfast in the middle of nowhere, which was probably more terrifying than anything else!
Transylvania is famous for its vampire legends and bloodthirsty Count Dracula, popularized by Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel, Dracula. But the Vlad Ţepeş that inspired the book was very real – referred to throughout history as “Vlad the Impaler” for his agonizing method of impaling his enemies and criminals on long spikes.
In fact, Vlad never lived at the clifftop Bran Castle. Where Dracula did live, though, was Poenari Castle, also known as Poenari Fortress, which was a principal residence. Poenari served as a strategic stronghold for Vlad during his reign.
So, after we discovered all those castles, we headed to the Transfagarasan road, which is mostly closed for the winter season already. Because of this, and since we got tired, we decided to stay at a Bed and Breakfast deep in the Carpathian woods. Let’s call the place The Garlic Not. The listing said “easily accessible by car,” but I only got there after being stuffed into a haunted rental car (was it even an official rental car?) by some Carpathian peasants surrounded by hundreds of stray dogs and had to drive through the deepest, darkest woods for hours.
We got to The Garlic Not, and the place was deserted. We were the only guests. This B&B was run by an 86-year-old mother and her son, and a cook which reminded me of Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. We decided to sit in their restaurant to eat something, write a bit on my novel, take some notes, and talk to my son, when the old woman with the fewest teeth I’ve ever seen handed me a menu.
“For our guests – on the house,” she said, and passed us the menu and two goblets of something red to drink. We took a sip, and it was not bad. We ordered the paprika hendl (traditional and national dish) and decided not to ask her about the weird drink thing.
I looked around, and this place was spooky. Outside, some stray dogs howled, and the old lady told us that they would protect us from the bears. Bears that are still everywhere because they don’t hibernate yet. “They come really close to this bed and breakfast. If you guys go outside again, make sure to close the main gates and don’t go too far away. We have all kinds of guns here to protect you. These bears are no joke,” she added. I’ve only been in Transylvania for three days, and the omnipresent fog, eerie wind chimes, and sinking feeling that something horrible is about to happen started to feel normal.
I took a sip of my cocktail and wondered how I would continue the conversation with the old lady owner. I started nonchalantly and asked if there were hiking trails. She said a simple, “no,” and added that “her brother went missing three years ago. And his fiancée. And her dad. And his fiancée. And several other visitors -mostly Germans who thought they could run away from bears with Birkenstock sandals and ugly socks”. I sipped my cocktail slowly while my son kicked me under the table and whispered, “Mom, I told you not to come here! It is too spooky. And look at this weird guy sitting in this corner of the restaurant. Didn’t the old lady say we are the only customers?”
That’s when I saw him. His razor-sharp, marble-like cheekbones, his jet black eyes, and the fourteenth-century cape he wore. He sat in the back of the restaurant and also drank a big glass of something red. He stared at me until I picked up my weird drink and walked over to his table. “Mom, nooooo….!” my son screamed, but it was too late. We both walked over to meet the Count.
“Count Dracula is my name. Daniela and Joel (how did he know our names?), welcome. Sit!” he said, still glowering. We took a seat. We had no choice.
“Why are you guys here? So far out in the wild?” he asked.
“Oh, we are actually here on vacation, but I got tired driving, so we stopped here,” I replied.
It’s hard even to believe he’s here in front of me. Count Dracula opened his mouth again, and I saw those long, long, very pointy teeth, and I got that weird feeling in my chest again. My son whispered, “Mom, let’s go!”
“You know, I could help you with your novel if you want,” Dracula offered when he saw that my son wanted to leave and pulled me away.
“I think I am okay. It is awfully late and we are tired. We should go to bed now, “I replied.
“But I stay up all night,” he responded.
“Uh-huh. Doing what? Playing creepy organ songs?” I joked.
“I can play something for you guys,” he smiled, the first time he smiled.
Dracula reached out and touched my shoulder. His fingers were eight centimeters long, and just as pointy as his teeth. His touch was ice cold. My son screamed, and it broke his evil spell. I looked at my son, who yelled and tried to distract Dracula: “Mom, now, run!”
“My son is right. I should go,” I told him. I got up and ran for the door.
“Wait!” Dracula yelled across The Garlic Not in a very spooky voice.
Count Dracula ran (flew?) towards me.
A bat flew by my head, and I lost my balance. Count Dracula caught me, and I stared into his translucent white face. He leaned in and kissed me. His mouth was hungry, impatient. But he wasn’t kissing me the usual way. He bit into my neck, and blood started spurting everywhere. Then I passed out and found myself the next day in my bed. Nicely tucked in, my son next to me. “Mom, I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed we met Dracula in the restaurant!” he said. “I had the same dream. Weird. Let’s go downstairs, have breakfast, and check out of here. What a weird place,” I replied.
When we pulled out of the driveway a couple of hours later, it was when I knew.
The weird thing is, I now have night vision and can levitate. I am also most active at night and sleep in a coffin during the day. It is just more comfortable this way. My son feels the same way. But overall, what a cool trip to Romania. The food was great, and from now on, everything we do is going to be all-vampire, all the time.
For the Bed & Breakfast review online: I gave two stars instead of one because the Count didn’t charge me for the extra day and provided free breakfast, but tbh if you’re looking for a place in Transylvania, you should probably just stay at the Holiday Inn in a big city instead of going so deep into the Carpathian woods, unless you want the full Dracula experience of course.
Days later, I checked if my review ever went online, but The Garlic Not does not exist.
