.Emails From My Dentist that Would Actually Make me Schedule an Appointment.

I hate going to the dentist. Hate it! With a passion! And I am always scared and avoid appointments like the plague. There were times when I was in so much pain but I still didn’t go. Every thought of going to a dentist’s office creates immense stress and discomfort in me. This is due to many traumatizing dentist visits in my childhood. I am not exaggerating. Did I mention that I hate dentists? Will this ever get better? Maybe if my dentist would send me an email like these listed below I would agree to schedule an appointment to overcome my trauma. Maybe.

Possible emails:

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Jennifer at reception started having an affair with one of the dentists, and her husband will be storming into the office to confront them about it during your appointment.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Our new latex gloves are chocolate-flavored.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We are going to start publicly posting on our website when all of our patients’ last appointments were, so you can’t lie when your mom asks. 

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! The TV in our waiting room is playing Notting Hill and Die Hard 1.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but did you know that Dwayne Johnson is one of our patients, too? Who knows, maybe you might bump into him here.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Your teeth look disgusting when you wear a white shirt. Everybody thinks so.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We promise we won’t annoy you about getting your wisdom teeth removed this time. And won’t even ask you how often you floss. That’s none of our business.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We’ll let you take a silly one on the X-ray and ask as many silly questions as you want (and even more than you usually do).

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! One time, somebody put off their cleaning for an extra month, and all of their teeth fell out, and they died. I’m sure that won’t happen to you though… but you never know.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! There’s a bouncing castle in the parking lot now.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! There is caramel toffee and champagne in the waiting room.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Honestly, forget about posting it to our website. How about we call your mom directly and tell her when you last came in? We have her phone number since she’s your emergency contact. Guess that means you’re probably single, huh? Maybe you wouldn’t be if you had a better smile… just saying.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We taught the fish in the lobby’s aquarium how to do a loop-the-loop—you gotta come check this out.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Help! We’re trapped under something heavy and need you to come free us. We’re only able to reach our keyboard to send this one email, and the battery is about to die, so you’re our only hope.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! In the mood to have a neck and foot massage in the waiting room? Come on down!

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