.When Life Hands You Lemons.

I don’t know if you know, but I am a Certified Holistic Nutritionist and have a pretty healthy, balanced lifestyle. Minus the daily occasional Lindt Noisette Chocolate in the evening. One has to admit, there are just so many (food) choices out there. With all the new food trends, superfoods, lotions, supplements, and potions, it is easy to lose track of what to eat and what not. And how to live and how not to. And when to meditate, and practice Yoga, Pilates, go jogging, and work and keep one or more children alive. I try to keep it as simple as possible (with everything in life), use whole foods whenever possible and cook simple recipes, preferably at home. If you have more questions, send me an email if you would like.

To keep it simple, one easy thing that everybody can do is to drink a glass of lemon water first thing in the morning. This is a healthy way to start the day and get the body detox going. You can even add some cucumber slices. On an empty stomach which means before you pound down the half liter of coffee to get you to work and the second liter to keep your eyes open. This won’t be a health article per se but more a funny twist on my morning lemon water drink. So this is what happened the other day when I had my morning glass of lemon water. Or didn’t it happen? I am not so sure anymore. You know by now that funny, weird things tend to happen to me all the time.

So, I wake up and drag my tired body out of the bed, to the bathroom and to the kitchen. There are some lemons, and the faucet. And me. And my eyes barely open. Just a normal morning.

The faucet fills my glass with water, but I don’t dare take a sip yet. As I squeeze the lemon into my drink, I mentally levitate. It’s true that I am now earthier and less judgmental. With just one sip of lemon water, I feel myself become effortlessly radiant. Wow, what is happening to me? So much energy out of a sudden. My eyes are wide open. I feel like Mary Poppins who is about to clean the entire house, split an atom and find a cure for AIDS. Maybe too much energy? Who knows.

I even skip my morning coffee because I’m high on vitamin C. My body is detoxing, and I feel more in tune with the miraculous rhythms of life. I tell my boss I won’t be coming to work today, or ever again. My job has made me so tired lately anyway. When my boss sends me a threatening email to come back ASAP, I don’t answer but have another sip of lemon water instead. My senses feel heightened, and I am suddenly porous to the universe and all it offers me. Besides, I am Mary Poppins, I think while I put my running gear on. Who needs work anyway?

During my eight-kilometer run, I barely sweat. A passerby points at me, asking whether I’ll give the eulogy at his funeral. I am now an empath and tell him his uncurable disease is not actually a death sentence. Has he tried lemon water? I imagine a cable news anchor asking me what it feels like to save lives for a living.

After soaking in the hot tub for an hour, I am pruned and immortal. I fry an egg in a perfect circle. I meditate with my eyes open. I became bilingual after watching a French movie for fifteen minutes. I get Wordle in two guesses. You don’t have Wordle yet? The app? Stop reading any fruther and download it now!

Is this how Neil Armstrong felt when he set foot on the moon?

When my friend walks into the kitchen, I feel more attracted to him than ever. The argument we had last night feels like a poem, abstract and far away.

“Want some lemon water, babe?” I say, giving him a toothy smile.

“No,” he responds, but I can tell he’s super in love with me. I squeeze him a glass anyway, knowing he’ll thank me later.

It’s true that I started the argument for no reason but wasn’t it the Dalai Lama who said forgiveness breaks the cycle of suffering?

I notice my screaming child in the living room, drawing on the walls with a magic marker, but I no longer allow his toxic energy to consume my life. I stare at him and decide this is the moment I shall set him free. I am no longer a mother, a thankless job. I give him a quartz crystal and wish him good luck on his journey.

While sitting under a tree in a hemp muumuu, I ponder whether I should become a novelist or a shaman. Realizing I have only a background in the former I am going with the latter because I no longer have limiting beliefs about my potential. I take a three-hour nap, then buy a journal and five hundred lemons, and sell the rest of my earthly possessions.

I book a one-way ticket to Bali. As the plane’s wheels lift during take off, I smile to myself and muse, “When life hands you lemons…”

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