Just checking in. We spoke not too long ago. And here we meet again. I have been seeing you from the sidelines on all those long nights you filled with writing, ideas, and reading. The Corona-pandemic is getting to you. I feel it. But you are strong. Remember, I spoke with you whenever you needed it. I know you continue to give yourself whatever it is you are most in need of. Does remembering your fragility help you put things into perspective these days? I hope you hold true to your aspiration of loving deeply. What about your heart? Have you been able to rebuild your home? Nothing can erase the past but time gives you opportunities to make new happy memories over the old painful ones. It may not always make sense but this is how life works. It has taken you your entire life to get to know the real you or at least welcome her home unapologetically. To exclude, include, and see behind the curtain. I know you wouldn’t give up on others so please refuse to give up on yourself and trust this process.
But remember, to be compassionate with yourself too and recognize that not everyone who shakes your hand is a friend. But I am certain you know this. Love and friendship are two-way streets. You cannot go where you need to be with the ghosts of those who chose to harm or weighing you down. There is more love waiting for you. A lot more. This new bridge you are building seems very solid and different from everything else I have seen so far. You are wiser now and this lends strength and not weakness to this bridge. I hope you will continue to do more, invest more, don’t be scared. It will just raise the quality of your life and open up to new experiences. Yes, you can always learn to be better. To be stronger. To feel love.
Hey, life is unfair by design. The world is full of people who lie, cheat, steal, hurt, harm, exploit and even kill others while leading a good life. It should not be like this but it is. I know you wish those who did you wrong were wronged too so they could feel what you felt but life isn’t that obvious or just. There are some humans out there who think they have power, wealth or the ability to control and intervene and materially affect someone else’s life but this effort requires destructive intentionality. Let it be. You have already begun to realize that forgiveness has more to do with yourself than others. It brings you peace and freedom from attachment. All those dreams and hopes that you had pinned on someone else get laid to rest when you forgive them. This is how you must learn to sever yourself from those who do not deserve you. Let them go. Let them live their own life. And I see something better has entered your life because you gave it the opportunity. What did you say? He will understand your heart bit by bit. After all, a home is opened to a stranger but with a slight delay. I love this. I think this was what I needed to hear from you. And it applies as much to ourselves as it does to the strangers we welcome into our lives. You are still making this home. Remember that. It requires tremendous care.
It is joyful to see you learning and stretching yourself with the wisdom of so many people you have already met. They have all moved and challenged you to become kinder and more reflective. You know that words have the ability to outlive us and impact others beyond the conventional limits of space and time. So please do publish your next book. It will probably change your life.
As I see so far, 2020 is a milestone year for you. You will turn 39 this year. You take care of this little soul, your son, with so much love. I remember you had different plans but life rarely works exactly as we want it to but that doesn’t mean the past decade has been any less extraordinary. You have become fully aware of both your gifts and your flaws. Be grateful for the clarity they have brought you and it will serve you well your whole life. Take these lessons and keep pushing forward. You have so many new wonderful experiences to look forward to. During this pandemic, you should know that your attention and emotions are your only currency. Who you choose to spend them with are critically important daily choices so please make them responsibly. On your best days, you are unstoppable, open-minded, loving, wise and kind. Stay this way. Always. But also know that you have some avenues to improve and show up as your best self. Keep asking questions. Being true to yourself and at peace is an everyday choice you are making toward internal happiness. The alternative is to give in to disappointment, anger, and hate. This will only exhaust your limited time and energy. No need for this.
But some things are better the more they stay the same so please keep watching life happen all around you. Your ability to love, live with joy and watch it unravel joyfully is special. You have this gift which is amazing so make sure you use it enough. I cannot wait to see where this new road will lead us.
Breathe. You will be fine. I believe in you.