As a writer, self-isolation is nothing new or special to me. Being alone with my thoughts for hours or days is what I love. But, two weeks into quarantine, here are some thoughts that popped up.
What I think about: Am I going to miss my first and favorite season in Vienna/Austria, spring, altogether? Everything is canceled. Which events will be rescheduled and which ones will never happen again or at all? Everyone is going to feel like they need a vacation after this (especially if one they had planned was canceled), but we’re also going to have an economic recession so no one’s going on vacation anytime soon. Is everyone going to be an extrovert for a year? Is everyone going to forget how to behave around other people? If we take before/after photos, how much older will we look by the end (fingers crossed) of this? I am mostly talking about all the parents with children. It’s been more than a week, so how come I can still only do 30, okay 20 pushups? Yoga-Crow-Pose is manageable at this point. Is my dentist still in the office? What if someone had a dental emergency? It must be so weird to be in a profession where you put your hands in people’s mouths right now? What are my deeper, philosophy thoughts at the moment? Are music festivals a thing of the past? Are commencements a thing of the past? What is my password to WordPress? And Amazon? How much can we learn from history to help us? Where is even the best place to start? Is this person not responding to me because they’re trying not to look at their phone or because they’re sick? Will we wish we never posted anything on social media during this time? How much will this experience factor into our process of decision-making in the future? Will we always weigh this when we consider how far we move away from our families, where we decide to live? What’s the shelf life on a pair of pajama pants that you wear every day? Can you hand-wash a towel? A bedsheet? How much should I read to have a realistic sense of what’s going on? How little should I read to prevent myself from completely freaking out? If and when (I wrote this down and then lost my train of thought but I actually think this is an entirely valid question on its own)? If this pandemic “ends,” is it going to resurface again in a few months? Is the first week the worst or is the eighth week the worst? Are we just going to get used to this? When I can pick up the painting I purchased at Galerie KRAS in Vienna?
What I miss: Going to movie theaters and the assumed drink-and recap after the movie. Going to museums and art shows with my friends and our kids. Any dinner conversation at restaurants that keep going way after the check is paid. These days, also signing the check, for some reason. Going to work and hanging out with my friends #LunchhangoutsattheCR. Planning trips. Especially those that include swimming, ocean, and beach. Ordering a Käsekreiner (Austrian sausage with cheese in it), bread and beer at my favorite Würstlstand, being called “Piefke” and hanging out with real Austrians. Also, spending quality time with my friend and artist Geraldine who helped me when things were pretty shitty in my life last year.
What I don’t miss: Feeling guilty for deciding not to go out, ever. TSA agents that yell at to TAKE OUT YOUR LAPTOP and TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES. Buying things from companies I don’t respect when I am being lazy. The U1/U4 train during the morning or afternoon rush. Although, even this has its charms at this point.
What I won’t miss: Cooking every. single. meal or that my thoughts circulate around food, prepping and storing like a planetary ring system. Cooking three times a week= reasonable. Anything more = Excessive. Missing my friends so much while simultaneously feeling burned out on texting/FaceTiming/Skyping with them. Avoiding natural physical contact. Bang-trim purgatory. The phrase “panic buying of toilet paper”. Actually, eliminate the words: toilet paper, social distancing, hand sanitizer, and face masks. Asking my brother Thomas Weiss, CEO of MR Studios on a daily basis to create a virtual face mask for me. I guess he is better working on it at this point. The infinite loop of people feeling pressure to be productive and people telling people not to feel pressure to be productive. Being indecisive about anything happening more than a day in the future. Worrying about whether I am adequately worried.
What I won’t forget: Who was supportive without reservations, to me, my son and to others. Who listened. Who asked how I feel. Who loved me. That I have never seen a sky this blue. Also, that air the smells different and somewhat less polluted. To be grateful for the kind of stability that sometimes bores me. That without the interruptive necessity of having to go to the grocery store, each day is free to stretch out infinitely, bleeding into the next, no obstacles or guardrails. That all my pre-programmed reflexed pertaining to moderation seem to have short-circuited as a result: I cannot stop doing things to excess but try to limit it to reading, writing, cleaning/decluttering. Frantically ticking off every outstanding item on my house chore to-do list. That the publishing date of my 3rd book will be earlier than expected. I won’t forget how I distract myself from my apartment or my own thoughts. But I am glad they still pop up as they do in this time of uncertainty. My brain has something do to, my hands have something to do and my feet still have somewhere to go. Even if it is just to the grocery store.
1 thought on “.I Need That Virtual Face Mask.”