I asked my Mum, what happens if everything falls apart. What if I lose everything? I’ll always remember her response: “Well, nobody gave you what you got now. You worked for what you have. Wipe away your tears and believe that you can work for it again.”
I am so sick of hearing people complain about “perfection”. Your blog is perfect! Your life is perfect! With my blog, I would like to show real life. I won’t sugar-coat things and talk about how important fashion is. I rather talk about life and struggles and that things are not perfect. No one sets up any wrong expectations other than the person with those expectations themselves. People do not owe each other to be less perfect than they are, just so other people wouldn’t feel so bad about themselves. When will people stop being so easily offended and stop feeling, like they don’t need to measure up? Get some self-confidence and self-esteem! If somebody says something bad to or about me, and as a response, I feel bad about it, then I’ve given away control of my feelings to that other person. All of a sudden I’ve communicated “Hey you, here’s the passport to my life, and how I feel about my day. Feel free to ruin it.”
If your parents did not do their job instilling in you that you are amazing as long as you work hard at what you do, then do that for your self. Read some books, talk to a therapist, but stop blaming others, family, friends for your own feelings of inadequacy. Personally, I am generally very happy with myself and my life even though it is not perfect. Nothing ever is. I have been through a rough time, too and I set new priorities. But what I don’t do is, hating people for having what I don’t have. You know why? I know my limitations and I also know my priorities. That does not make me feel inferior to anyone for one second. I just realize that I cannot do certain things right now and I accept that.
There are many people who write better, take better pictures and have other superior styles. There are people who are better at all things that I think I am good at, and I often look at their results wistfully knowing I will never be that good. And I am okay with that. As long as I am happy within myself and with the circumstances, it is all good. I have achieved big things in the last couple of months and I am proud of that. Usually, hard work, intelligence, insightfulness are credited for such success but what is often overlooked is the capacity to deal with the uncertain, the uncomfortable, and the uncontrollable. Be unafraid of the uncertain. Instead of hiding when challenged or uncomfortable, choose to seek out the confrontation.
“When you’re uncomfortable, you will learn. When you’re uncomfortable, you’ll grow. I learned early on that I’m only growing and learning when I’m uncomfortable. Yes, it can feel awful, but I think it’s good because it means I’m learning something. I may not always know what I’m learning, but I’m learning something.” – a friend
I have learned that life is all about striving to be your best self, as opposed to your perfect self. It is about learning to believe in yourself and to understand that whatever comes your way you will be able to handle it. Some people are driven by fear, others by trust but you can deal with whatever comes your way. Keep that in mind. Knowing that you will be able to handle it means that you can face uncertainty and instead of being afraid of it, you can look at it as an opportunity. You cannot control what happens, but you can control how you think about it all. Trusting uncertainty means that while we may not be able to control what happens to us, we can control our response to it.
“The only thing you can control in your life is how you respond to a situation. Literally, everything else is outside your control. If you realizee that, yes, maybe certain circumstances may be pushing you to respond in a certain way but, at the end of the day, you have the choice.” – the same friend; he is pretty smart
Guess what? Ultimately, taking control of your response to any situations is what builds resilience. How can I look at this in a way that is positive? How can I make the most of the situation even if it is terrible? When we think about how often we replay a conversation in our minds, how often we worry about what other people think of us, how often we try to please and appease, it’s astonishing how much of ourselves we place in the hands of others. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we should be sheltered from criticism or hide from confrontation. Think about the feedback that you’re given, and think about it critically. But then at the end of the day, you choose how you want to respond. You choose what you let into your life.
This too shall pass. The other side to uncertainty is the knowledge that whether something is good or bad, nothing lasts forever. Again, people look at my life, and they think it has been awesome so far. Let me tell you, it has not. I think the only thing that I can say is that I always try to make the best of every situation. Whatever it may be, this too shall pass, especially if we think deeply about our attitude towards something. At any moment, anything can happen and anything can change. Living our lives consciously and