The other day I sat at the dock and realized something. The air and warmth of the sun changed. It was still very hot but something was different from the last couple of weeks. So far, I had an awesome summer, spent with great people, lots of good food and wine, laughs, tears, star-watching and hours and hours of inspiring conversations. I learned that my favorite thing to do is to spend the evening at the lake, just right before dusk. When the lake becomes absolutely glass-like, the sun is setting but I can still see the silhouette of trees – all these conical shapes, beautiful reflections on the water with the last bits of sunlight. It was then when I heard the wailing sound of the loons who are most active (or heard) at dusk and dawn.
First, one individual of a pair gives this long wail of sound. It seems to say, “I am here. Where are you?” What a characteristic, evocative sound. A sound that will stick with me for the rest of my life. “OH MY GOD, is this a coyote?”, I asked my friend. Him: “No, Daniela, it is just a loon. Everything is okay. You are safe.”
Just moments later, I could hear a response from a second loon (the partner?) responding and it sounded like, “I am over here. Everything is okay. You are safe.” It just punctuated the fall of night and really set the mood for what followed. The solid calm and peacefulness. It is all wrapped up in this one vocalization. Reading this, one can pretty much assume, I had a perfect weekend again.
Also, summer is not over! I refuse to believe it, even though school is just about to begin again for my son and me in a little bit over two weeks. September means fall is around the corner, homework, leaves falling and colder weather. But also Halloween and all that good stuff, so who cares. All this is just a perfect example of yet another topic that graces my brain quite often. Impermanence. More specifically, I don’t adapt too well to too much change. I am not afraid of it; something ending does not scare me at all. It just makes me a bit uncomfortable. Also, change is a good thing. It means taking risks, and that something new is around the corner that can be discovered.
Some are very judgemental when people change. Nothing ever stays the same. Things are moving, like waves. Constantly. New ideas form that make so much more sense than what was before. Some are very scared that they are changing themselves. Why do they grasp so tightly to the person that they think they are? Why do they repeat the same story and fall victim to their circumstances blaming others? It is all about choices. It always is.
I have done some research recently on impermanence from various religious perspectives. I am not religious at all, rather spiritual and maybe a little philosophical at points but I connected deeply with these two lines:
“According to Hinduism, impermanence can be overcome by locating and uniting with the center of permanence that exists within oneself. This center is the Soul or the Self that is immortal, permanent and ever stable”.
Ah! I have a Soul. Or energy. I reckon I can be called anything. I was not really aware that I have this energy inside since I began to really meditate a while ago. Yoga also helped but only to a certain degree. To connect with my inner self is so awesome. And this is exactly what I did for the last couple of times at the happy place. The place of calm and peacefulness. This refound soul of mine lets me live more fearlessly. Through meditation, I found out that this energy inside me is my essence and my true self. Whenever I disconnected from this energy, I felt confused, overwhelmed, fearful, anxious, and all those emotions caused me to live in an uncomfortable state. Living in this state is not for me since I am a free spirit, a dreamer, and an overall happy person.
The key is to connect to this energy inside and make peace by sort of befriending it. I reckon, this may look different for everyone but I do it through meditation. By silencing my mind, I can hear my intuition that I often forget I have. I feel at ease, peaceful, fearless, and my dreams not only seem in reach but in fact are not quite big enough.
I swam in the lake. The water was not quite as warm anymore but still very pleasant. I looked at the water glistening in the sun and watched how fast the waves the small boat created moved up and down; so wildly in every direction, it seemed. Water is in a constant state of change. It has no choice but to literally go with the flow. Just as life, I have no control of where situations, people, and things take me. But, if I let the energy inside guide me, I know I will be okay, no matter what happens. See where the waves take me.
We packed out things at the dock and walked up to the cottage. I forgot my book walked back down to look at the sunset one more time. This is when the loons started their conversation.