“My sorrow, when she’s here with me, thinks these dark days of autumn rain are beautiful as days can be; she loves the bare, the withered tree; she walks the sodden pasture lane” – Robert Frost
There were a couple of really nice, sunny, warm days this week and then suddenly the rain came. And it remained. Today is just one of those days without sunlight, when the sky seems to be just grey and flat and all my eyes can see is grey. This rain persists for two days now and eases from time to time and then intensifies. It just never really stops. How I used to spend days like these? With a good book curled up on the couch. Optional: tea, coffee or chocolate and some John Coltrane playing in the background. Needless to say, this is not possible with a toddler at home. Before, it was just me, myself and I with my books. However, I make it work for quite some time to get him interested and read as well. I think, rainy days are great for stories, a myriad of stories. So talking is essential. Autumn for me means rain and those damp and chilly mornings and cold afternoons that drag themselves slowly and quietly into the evening and night. Those days are just so specific for October and November. [
For some reason, the last sentence made me think of a warm caramel latte or when my siblings and I came home from school on a cold autumn day and my mom had made chicken soup]
When Petit Joel and I came back home this evening I was just overwhelmed by a lot of things that went on throughout the day and realized that I never fully noticed the sound of rain. Thinking about the words I am choosing these days, ‘noticed’ is probably the wrong word. Of course I have noticed it, but I have never really listened. I never really understood it, I reckon. Rain makes me fall asleep better at night and it is so comfortable being curled up under the blanket and listening when the first raindrops start to fall down and how the sound changes. It somewhat calms my anxiety at times. I think I realized and paid more attention to it all today and how peaceful rain sounds while being in this solitude that comes with today’s night and when my son finally fell asleep. Rain is so beautiful and calming.
This is the sound of nature, autumn and maybe just of something so much more than us. What does this rain bring? The certainty or promise that there will be cold, chilly months ahead but with this also so many great indoor activities and changes. Hours of talks or time spend in cafés, bookstore, museum and of course cosy nights curled up on the couch reading and going through my book collection. Or reading next to each other. Ha!
I love to go for walks, especially in the rain. Rain cannot stop me because while walking I get most of my creative ideas to write. There is no one dimensionality here and I know I need to get in touch with my abstract, thoughtful side of myself more often than I actually think. Whenever I am surrounded by nature or when I am sitting at a bench staring at a lake it is this much needed meditation that I am experiencing and practicing. Do you know this nice feeling of calm and contentment? To me, it feels like just being in touch with everything. With myself mostly and with the world around me. Is this all we really need? Just a moment of clarity and peace?
I am not a ‘spiritual’ person but sometimes it is not so bad to get in touch with this side either. To stay grounded throughout it all and to simply “easier” deal with whatever curveball life throws at you. Sometimes it is just a moment to think and reflect and this is all it takes. To think about what currently is and not what might be or what will be is salient. It took me some time to get to this point in my life, but I am there now and it feels awesome. Are you still with me? Good! You think it sounds way to melodramatic or even pseudo-artsy in a way? Maybe it is, but I am a writer, I need to jot these things down. And maybe someone feels inspired. I also might be sick and tired of this rain if this lasts for another week or so but until then, I will make the best out of it. As my father always says, “there is no bad weather, just wrong clothing” and he says it smiling while putting on his rain jacket and hat and heads out the door.
I stepped away from my computer for a bit and opened the window. It is still raining pretty hard and a breeze of chilly air hits my face. I close the window again and go back to my office keeping in mind that the sun will shine again eventually. It always does.