.SOMETIMES RAW.

I have been taking courses at The Institute of Holistic Nutrition for two months now and since some readers asked me to share what this is all about and my experience, I would like to give a little update here on the blog.

When I sometimes mention that I am studying holistic nutrition, people either give me the sad, puzzled look of, “poor thing, you cannot eat anything” or they ask me “what can you eat? Is this a raw food diet or vegan?” Well, none of the above. First, I would like to elaborate on the perfectionism around food and what people associate with eating, being healthy, self-love and self-care. I also want to share how to find that balance between to indulge happily for the sake of mental health while at the same time kind of simultaneously being strict about what you eat for physical health.

Studying nutrition does not make me perfect in the sense of I do not eat perfectly 100% of the time. I certainly do allow myself wiggle room once in a while because I think this is really important. That nutritionists eat perfectly all the time is somewhat a misconception people have. I definitely put an emphasis on eating and appreciating good, healthy whole food but the reality is different. We live in the real world. We go out with friends, we socialize, eat and drink wine and beer. I believe allowing yourself this wiggle room is really important which means this is also some type of “food freedom” that we all enjoy. Getting into a dogmatic way of thinking about it takes the joy out of eating delicious, good food.

I learned recently that peanuts are not the best type of nuts to eat since they tend to mold easily; especially when they come in plastic containers. Even though I know this, I love peanut butter once in a while. My options here are to get the “freshly made” type for example at Whole Foods. You know these peanut butter machines: peanuts in, bring your own container, place it below and press the button. This peanut butter tastes so delicious. I want some now.

I drink wine; I love wine. When I spend time camping or at a cottage I roast marshmallows. We have to stop getting rid of the idea to reach perfection, especially when it comes to food. Nothing is ever perfect. The only thing that happens is that we get discouraged, lost and stressed out about it all. What we can do though is, we can find the perfect balance for us. The goal is to be as happy and healthy as I can be – finding a balance for ME (and my son).

One important thing I learned is that there is no diet that applies to everyone and no food that applies to everyone because everyone is so different. We just have to experiment what foods are good for us and which ones are not. For example, when I am constipated all the time, I cannot sleep at night, I am overweight and I have dark circles I may want to consider the way I eat and live.

A couple of tips that work for me are to listen to my body by eating food as an opportunity to listen to my body. To understand what feels best for me, what I digest the best or things that react strangely in my system. Listening to symptoms you may have and then making the necessary shift in your diet is key. I know that a glass of wine or 3 is worth it tonight but I will most likely end up with a headache the next day. You have to ultimately decide if it is all worth it for you; food freedom, remember?

FYI: Alcohol is a diuretic (meaning, it makes you pee a lot) and B Vitamins are water soluble. When you pee a lot you are depleting your B Vitamins. So, to avoid a headache, drink water before and after sleeping, take a Vitamin B1 complex and drink fresh beet juice the next morning since it flushes the liver via increased bile production. Please be aware of recommended doses and amounts of use. I am not held responsible for any crazy side effects that may occur! Please supplement responsibly. 🙂

One more point I would like to add is that we learn how to make healthy alternative food choices without having the feeling of missing out. For example, my son loves Nutella and I let him eat it of course but he also eats the Nutella-version I make (Recipe will follow soon!). I enjoy simple home-cooked meals and I enjoy the preparation. When I learned one thing so far it is that healthy eating is so easy when I keep it simple. I also learned from my friend to just go the store, buy some items that are healthy and seem to go well together and throw them in the pan. Throw in some salad leaves too while using a simple wrist movement. Just create things without following a recipe all the time. There are just so many trends and recipes out there that distract from the simplest dishes. Overall for me, food should be real, whole and simple without a label or expiration date attached to it.

For more information on the school click here or send me an email if you have any questions.

Stay healthy.

I am supposed to study lecture One of my Anatomy and Physiology course for tomorrow but I got distracted by the huge amount of snow I saw looking through my window. And it keeps on snowing. Winter in Canada is no joke. This is my second almost fully experienced winter here in Ottawa; almost because I spent three weeks last year of December/January in Germany. It is not even the snow, ice and insane cold (- 38 Celsius for now) that is distracting. It is more the duration or length of it all. Winter literally starts here by the end of October. It gets cold and uncomfortable first and then the snow comes. And it lasts until March/beginning of April but there was still some snow early in May.  This snow never melts. It stays and more gets added. If it melts in May, everything is flooded and then it snows again shortly after or freezes over.

I love sunshine and warmth. Sun makes me happy and I can almost literally feel how my Vitamin D tank gets filled up while laying in the sun. For some reason, the same pattern appears every year. I am at the playground with my son by the end of September and we are playing. The sun is shining, we are laying in the grass still, I look up and see some red and brown leaves. Suddenly something inside of me turns off and reminds me of who I am, where I am and that I live and exist. The leaves remind me who I am. Is this weird? Colder months are approaching and it is visible now. Yet, Australia is still an option. 😉

Now, for me, winter means staying inside or more being trapped inside and not being able to move around freely. I am not a winter-sport person. I like ice-skating but skiing or snowboarding: no thank you. The thought of being outside in the cold just does not make me happy. Don’t get me wrong,  I do have all the Canadian winter survival outfit. From Ski-mask to goggles to winter pants to put on thousands of layers and of course my Canada Goose Jacket my mom bought for me. It all still sucks and is cold after a while. I spent countless hours outside with other moms and their kids building forts, igloos, and slides but c’mon… all we really wanted to do was to go inside and warm up ( and drink wine or eat chocolate and smoke). But, according to the universe, things like this aren’t up for debate once you have a kid, eh.

Another thing that bothers me about winter is that I feel constantly thirsty and dry. My skin feels itchy and my hair feels frizz or dull. Everything takes forever and it feels like doing anything spontaneously needs a lot of planning. Just getting my kid ready in the morning: wow. To put on his snow-suit takes up ten minutes easily. Getting this kid ready: first major task in the morning.

A friend told me the other day that she loves winter because she feels that there is always a certain kind of safety in the cold. Something that makes you stay indoors and keep to yourself and distracts from this feeling that you need to party. I just looked at her blankly because what does “need to party” feel like? I need a little reminder since I forgot after I had my son. Going out always means to call a babysitter/desperate teen from the neighborhood in need of money. The little things.  But hey, it is so easy to raise a kid some say. Anybody can do it. This is all so much easier than to work in Somalia for example I reckon. It is the daily stuff of being a parent that catches up slowly. Of being a parent. Of being present. Of being off the phone.

Staying in brings comfort yet doing so in the summer incites guilt: one has to go outside and play. Especially here in Canada. Kind of: When the sun is out we are outside because winter is just around the corner. At this point I am just tired of layers of clothing and that the cold seems to separate me from everything. But one good thing about this winter is that I was able to work on my thesis and was somewhat more productive since I  could not do anything else really but work on this project and type along. My thesis analyzed genuine suicide notes and I read a lot of research that suggested that suicide rates increased in the winter months here in Canada since people are generally more depressed; especially up North of Canda where the winter is even worse. The seasonal changes here in Canada are another topic really. There are several emotions that I dealt with last winter. To name a few, there were sadness, laziness, malaise and even loneliness. I do not think that this will be the case or an issue this year since I have support that I have not had before. The help of Intellilink and one special person who gets me Premium Gold if I really want to install it even with red lights blinking and water pouring through the sprinklers and that students do not get grades.

There was a tiny sunset earlier today when the sky just opened up quickly for five minutes or six and it meant my happiness faucet just kept pouring joy realizing how amazing spring and summer will be.

The other day it hit me. I cleaned and went through a bunch of Petit Joel’s things and realized, there is no baby in the house anymore. No high chair, no baby toys, no stroller and no more diapers. I had to buy him new clothes again (he is a four-year-old toddler clothing size 5/6!).  It is just weird and so fast how this all happens even though I only have one child that hits all these milestones so quickly. So, a couple of weeks ago my son told me he would love to have a bunk bed. “A bed where I can climb up a couple of stairs and hide underneath a little tent like my friend Jacob has,” he said. So we did the transition to a twin size loft bed. Something like this. 

I knew he needs a new bed since he had outgrown his crib. To make other moms hate me I have to add that he never tried to climb out of his crib when he was a baby. He stayed in there until I picked him up. I eventually removed the front part so he was able to get in and out by himself to get to the bathroom but this just did not feel right anymore. Whenever he stretched out he touched the end of the bed.

This kid is literally growing in his sleep, I reckon. So, it was time for the transition from crib to bed. I wanted to wait a little longer to get him a new bed and did a lot of research on which one would be the best. I had a bunch of options and ideas and showed them to him since he has obviously a voice in this process. 

Long story short:  He fell in love with the IKEA loft/bunk thing so I bought his dream bed while he played at Småland; I only had 45 minutes to get everything done because this is how long the kids were able to stay in that convenient daycare! There were cases in Germany where parents literally dropped their kids off in the morning but never set one foot into IKEA to buy a LETSFICK mattress, a plant or new bed. They simply used the free daycare. Initially funny, but now they have all these damn strict rules. 

I loaded this bed into my car and drove home rather uncomfortably. It took me four hours to build this thing; in hindsight, it was okay and fun. The instructions are pretty clear but when a four-year-old is running around trying to “help” it is just not easy. He doesn’t understand what it all means and that he cannot climb the stairs if there are no screws adjusted yet. Overall, the bed transition went really well; no incidents, only one accident (the kid is clean for several months now and I am so proud of him; and myself, ha!) I do not want a trophy or anything but I really think I did a great job raising him so far. 

On a different note, the question my father asked was, “How many screws do you have left?” Well, seven but the bed is stable. I spent a rather sleepless night in it; his small body cuddled up next to mine. I have to say that he is the sweetest ever in these difficult past days and weeks since he feels me; we are almost one person. We spent the last four years together, pretty much non-stop. It is so weird because sometimes I think he knows what I need or try to say. The other day he cuddled up next to me on the couch and said, “Everything is going to be okay, mommy!”

And of course, it will be. He is such a good kid who gave me a huge amount of strength when I thought I cannot go on. I did not want to eat but I had to cook because he needs to eat. I did not want to get up but he needed to go to school. I did not want to continue the thesis and thought about throwing it all away but I knew it is the right thing to do for him and me. He showed me that I need to avoid suffering and let go to just play with him and once again I climbed out of this dark hole of self-pity and moved on. The things we are capable of are amazing but only I can realize that potential. The result will be growth and one of the biggest obstacles I have to overcome is myself. A very good friend of mine would say now, “Think about the kids in any slum in South Africa to realize what a problem really is”. The challenges will get tougher but it will all be manageable in the long-run. 

What keeps me going these days is that my son shows me what love is and even though I do not want to use the word unconditional anymore, I feel that he in his little world loves me unconditionally. Change is not scary anymore and I enjoy the present since I don’t get the moments back realizing that all the things I asked to receive for so long I can give to myself; especially love. It is inside where I determine if I am happy and decide what to focus on. 

All I have to do now is to play with trains and build new tracks and slowly ride along on them.