.SOMETIMES RAW.

(Daniel’s Poster, shrimp not depicted.)

Dear Mr. R.,

When you announced that our presentation on Strategy for Gender Equality would be a group project, I knew that I would do all the work and my partner (Daniel cc’d) wouldn’t help and still get a promotion. That’s why I wanted to call out which parts of the group project were mine.

I made the PowerPoint, which included details on the rise of Gender Issues and the entire LGBTQ+ explanations; Daniel made the “poster” with the shrimp taped to it. And when I finished talking about each slide, Daniel would point to a shrimp and say, “That’s-a-what this one represents.”

Gender and LGBTQ+ is one of the most important topics that ever existed, and I feel like Daniel’s shrimp analogies fundamentally confused the audience (and, frankly, me).

Honestly, calling what he made a “poster” is generous. It was just a bunch of shrimp taped to, as I’m sure you noticed, a BMW service coupon with animal hand-shadow puppets on it. And at the end of the presentation, when we were supposed to turn in our work, Daniel carefully peeled the shrimp off his poster and said, “My dad needs this coupon back because he is looking to get a service check. Also, how did everyone like the animals?”

I painstakingly fact-checked our presentation, going so far as to get an appointment with the LGBTQ+ ambassador and training with a linguist to ensure we correctly pronounced all the abbriviations. I made detailed notecards for Daniel to read, but he instead improvised random “facts” in the voice of a loud-mouthed Italian “soup chef” named “Buppi de Beppo.” And when I tried to steer our presentation back on topic, Daniel would randomly interject with things like a loud “Herroooooo everybody!” and “That a fact is like a slice of pizza: extremely rich!”

Unfortunately, he was getting laughs from the listeners, which egged him on, even though he was disrespecting the millions of people going divers gender issues such as transition, queer or non-binary. Those are the ones who are not sure which sex they are. Just in case you wondered. A fact that I’m worried got drowned out by Daniel’s screaming, “Get outta here!” to anyone who raised their hand.

Kind of unrelated, but Mr. Donatello, our supervisor, has asked Daniel to stop doing this character. He says that Daniel “relies too heavily on a somewhat problematic Italian accent,” a “restaurant name ‘Buca di Beppo,’” and his “overwhelming and frankly absurd knowledge of pizza” for laughs. Had Daniel taken these notes, he might not have ruined our presentation by screaming, “Calzone! You need white beans for authentic minestrone flavor—the Chief’s favorite Italiano zuppa!” What’s with his soup issue anyway? Nobody knows.

I tried really hard, Mr. R. I would even go to Daniel’s house to work on the project, and he wouldn’t help, because he was reading soup fact books to have “funny punchlines” for the presentation. While I worked on the one-page handout for everyone, he practised doing a chef’s kiss in his mirror, saying, “It’s-a-me, Buppi de Beppo.” And ultimately, I’m saddened that we couldn’t share this important topic in this conference without Daniel repeatedly screaming, “Fuhgeddaboudit!”

“Forgetting” is the opposite point of gender issues, Mr. R. You are the gender focal point after all. We cannot forget, we have to give people more mandatory gender trainings and workshops. Daniel and I recommnend at least one workshop per week for the entire service.

I appreciate your consideration in giving me the future promotion and not Daniel. I really deserve it. He doesn’t.

Thank you for understanding and for being my favorite Chief. Like in the entire world. You make me a better person, and again I’m sorry about Daniel and the shrimp smell that now permeates your conference room.

—L.

What are some ways to achieve calmness in your life? First, pare away the things you don’t need. Live an infinitely simple life free from unnecessary anxiety or worry, without being swayed by other people’s values. The variety of what people talk about is endless, but if I were to generalize, I would classify the major problems as anxieties, worries and doubts. When I listen carefully to these concerns, here is what I notice: almost all of them are in fact delusions, assumptions, mistaken impressions, or imaginary fears. I might even say they lack any substance. The truth is, if we look at them objectively, I find that we often allow ourselves to fear shadows that aren’t really there. Maybe this sounds familiar: something you were worried about was weighing you down, but then a random comment or occurrence made you realise how insignificant it was and you were amazed by how much lighter you felt. I want to share some thoughts that help me when things get tough.

• Reduce, let go, leave behind.
• Don’t compare yourself to others.
• Focus on “Now” and cherish yourself
• Don’t burden yourself or drag yourself down
• Pare down your belongings. It will lighten both your mind and body
• Just be, as you are. Don’t focus on things you have no control over
• Be gracious
• Recognise limitations. We can only work within our own abilities
• Concentrate only on things you can achieve here and now. By doing so, you will stop thinking about unnecessary things.
• Reconsider the obvious. You will realize the happiness to be found in the present moment
• Don’t rush, don’t panic. Once a day, make sure to stand still
• Respond positively. It is okay to feel down but get yourself up again soon.
• Cherish the morning – the best way to create mental space.
• Live by your own standards. Don’t be swayed by other people’s values
• Don’t seek out the unnecessary. Stop binging on too much information
• Shine wherever you find yourself. If not now, when?
• Don’t go against your feelings.
• Make your evenings calm. Late at night is not the time to make big decisions.
• Step away from competition and things will fall into place. Everyone is their own person, and I am who I am!
• Don’t fixate on victory or defeat. It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose.
• Keep at it. Slow and steady. Do this before you envy others’ talents.
• Use the right words. Words possess awesome power
• Accept your circumstances, whatever they may be.
• Stop complaining. Change!
• Do today’s things today -the secret to feeling unconstrained in life.
• Be more tolerant. You be you and let others be themselves.
• Go with the flow. Solitude is fine, but isolation is not.
• Don’t just talk for the sake of talking.
• Eat and drink with your whole heart.
• Even when big storms are coming, do not shake.
• Every day is a good day.
• All things come from nothingness.
• Have a flexible mind. Accept things you cannot change.
• Change the air in your home. Do this first thing, as soon as you wake up in the morning.
• Breathe deeply.
• Cherish your connections. It’s no accident that you happened to meet these people.
• Make good connections.
• Spend ten minutes a day in nature.
• Admit errors. Not only in words but make the effort to convey this emotionally as well.
• Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Someone will be there to lend a hand.
• Be a good listener. Relationships are about give and take.
• Don’t base decisions on profits and losses. Relationships not based on personal gain will shine of their own accord.
• Love & Marriage: Words of appreciation make a good relationship. Even in matters of love, moderation is just right.
• Children: Helicopter parenting plants seeds of worry.
• As you prepare to meet your end, what are the words you would like to be remembered by?

I encourage you to consider writing down your own feelings about anything. Like in a notebook, a journal, whatever makes you happy. Please share your comments below.

I love this time of year when leaves change colour and die right in front of me. Nothing prettier than a deceased leaf hanging from a tree in its final few moments on earth. It makes me want to wrap an oversized scarf around my neck and take a walk through the carnage. Stunning.

What I like most in this season of decay is how cozy I feel in a sweater. The air is crisp, the sun is bright, and the death rattle of falling leaves reminds me that there’s a season for everything. And this one is for dying and being dead. Makes me feel like going to an orchard and murdering some apples for pie.

Do you hear the wind gently rustling the trees? That’s the sound of a million leaves meeting their maker. Soon, I’ll rake their shriveled, broken husks, then let them rot and mold on the lawn while repeatedly saying, “I should really bag up those leaves.” What a magical time of year, when the world gives up and dies.

I love when small dogs wear sweaters and boots and shiver uncontrollably. I sit on my front porch with a warm mug of tea between my hands, watching nature fight for its life. The world feels still because it’s slipping into an extended, deep unconsciousness and/or death. Soon, the hearty bear will crawl into a hole and get as close to dying as possible by choice.

Sometimes I feel strangely sad when everything is dark, dead, and frozen. I can’t get my head right while my brain withers and begs for sunlight. Luckily, some holidays are coming up, so I can accrue debt, eat food that gives me gas, and feel anxious around my family. When the new year comes, I’ll declare, “This will be the best year yet!” Then watch new horrors unfold every day from my winter depression nest on the couch.

When the snow finally snuffs out the last bit of life, I look around and think, lovely. Each snowflake is unique, just like me. But without the distress of being different that leads to mental instability. Lucky! I will hurt my back shoveling my car out of the snow, so I can eventually skid into a ditch and call my friend crying.

There is truly a season for everything, and this one is for contracting the flu and every furnace dying on the coldest night of the year, which is the only time we ever need them, but they’re dead. How do you feel about autumn and the winter season? Obviously, there are many really cool things about this season, too. Like reading. All the time. Curled up with as much tea as possible, a blanket, and close to my personal library is bliss.

How about you? Please do share below. Stay warm.