.SOMETIMES RAW.

Big chapters in my life are closing while new ones open up. In the meantime, the summer approaches. I anticipate the best for me and my son to an unreasonable degree. My heart, body, and mind enjoy the idyllic weather every day, awesome music (Jazz festival) that makes me feel like being in a Chaka Khan video. If I were to reflect on memories and events of the past couple of months, there would only be one overwhelming theme: uncertainty.

For me, this spring and summer is just ripe with big hopes, changes, and set up with high expectations that won’t end with “if onlys” anymore. I was long overdue to release emotional pressure and uncertainty and these days it is clearly easier to find the light when the sun stays up past 8 p.m. I called this perfect summer into existence by checking off a couple of things on my to-do list. One was, to take my final exam at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition today, hand in the last assignment and become a Certified Nutritional Practitioner (CNP). Also, to just enjoy the simple things after a long harsh winter such as to sit outside at a fireplace until last at night, roast marshmallows, swim in the lake, enjoy Cottage-time, drink beer with a lime in it, endless conversations, read stories to my son and help him to learn to swim without his life vest.

Now that his school year and mine comes to an end, I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. This past year went by in a heartbeat. My birthday is around the corner, and I always expect that as I get older and wiser I become less interested in staying up past 1 a.m., but this won’t happen. I love my life. Every single second of it. All the ups and downs, sleepless nights spent with a good book, long conversations with friends, good and bad decisions were all part of the journey that got me where I am today. Reassessing the last year, I have to say that I truly made the most possible of every single month. All it sometimes takes is just a simple mindset-shift.

This morning, my son and I walked to school together. I dropped him off and realized that something new is around the corner for him, too. One last walk, one more time at his playground, one more time with his friends who accompanied him for one year. And he is excited about his new chapter of uncertainty while looking at it all with a playful approach. And so should we all. When I realized, I walked out of my school for the last time, it did it with a bit of emotions that made my heart heavy. But as my son says, “It is all good!”

I am excited for us and ready for it. And if I am being honest, I am not nervous because I have been working hard on my self and the future and what is best for us. As we walked across the street together he grabbed my hand. We walked into this new and foreign space full of uncertainty but as he grabbed my hand, the feeling that came over me what happiness. I know as long as I can hold his tiny hand, everything will be okay. We love each other unconditionally and give each other strength. Suddenly, he let go of my hand and I know that he will need me less and less by his side. He has grown up so much.

I am grateful for it all because I know I do not have much time left to hold his tiny hand. It is just a matter of time before his hand outgrows mine. It is inevitable. I cannot stop it. But I also would not want to if I could. So every feeling of surprise is matched with a feeling of gratitude. Watching him, by my side growing into his own independent, self-sufficient, amazing person is the sweetest gift I could have asked for. Regardless, now or later, if he needs my hand, is will be there.

Together we walk to new adventures. Time is too short and flies by. We might as well enjoy the sweet stuff while having a summer night of celebrations, putting our feet in the grass and having an impromptu ice cream. Because this is excatly what we need.

Stay happy. Stay healthy.

“There is a limit to the time assigned to you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself it will be gone and never return” – Marcus Aurelius

Maybe you have had many ups and downs in your life lately. For me, last week was rather overwhelming and packed with events, changes, and adjustments. I am strong. I can deal with it all. Until I just cannot. I was near tears the other day when I entered the Yoga studio for my morning class. It was absurd to cry, I knew that, and yet I felt it in my throat and eyes: the beginning of tears forming and a whimper, which I tried to let out undetectably and quietly but it then began to pace. I do not want to narrate too much about the cause of my state but in addition to my struggles, another 25 little things had gone wrong that day and it was not even 10 am. I just felt like crying and screaming.

My favourite Yoga instructor gave me a hug and said in her rather harsh voice, “Daniela, all this does not matter because don’t forget, you are going to die. We all will eventually. Now wipe away those tears!” I froze, sniffled and considered her point. I saw the days of my life and struggles stretched out in a long, looping sort of domino trail; some happy, some sad, but all lined up nicely in pursuit of a finite conclusion in the end: death. And guess what? My shoulders released. I exhaled. Who cares if X, Y, and Z happened and if A, B, and C will ever happen.

One thing I know about my life. I tend to get caught up in things that do not matter. I may get caught up in some angry thought, voice or in minutiae or in stress or in tons of things that ultimately are not that important. This reminder of my teacher made me take a deep breath and I realized that everything is and will be fine. I don’t have to engage in certain thoughts because I don’t have time for this. I just move on.

Yeah, but the problems are still there, you may say. Yep, you are right and it is not that being angry does not matter, or that bad luck is not important. It is just that death puts all those things that we think matter in perspective when they are pumping cortisol through my veins (which ironically can kill us) like there is no tomorrow.

When I got this reminder today that I am here for just a limited time it was startling and sobering. It also loosened the knot in my chest, dwarfed it with eternity, and made this moment at the Yoga studio just very even sweet. My Yoga instructor encouraged me to just soak it all in, to pause and consider whether what I am doing is in pursuit of something that matters to me. I guess it is somewhat a litmus test for internal alignment rather than Downward Facing Dog.

Life itself is our most unreliable narrator. No one knows where the story is going nor who the heroes in it are going to be; if there are too many or maybe just a few. This is life. And this is what it does. Sometimes, life brings you to your knees. It sometimes brings you lower than you can think you know. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little further, you will always find love. Life is full of surprises. Every single day and whatever worries us today, will too pass. Nothing really matters anyway.

Fun fact: If you don’t have a spiritual Yoga teacher as I do, there is actually an app you can download that reminds you that you are going to die, ha! It is called WeCroak. Get it here.

Stay happy. Stay healthy. And smile.

Readers keep asking me if I could share more healthy, quick and easy to make recipes (not too many ingredients). Your wish is my command. I will share one recipe weekly in addition to my regular blog post. On this blog, check out the Beauty & Food section for more recipes and (homemade) beauty products. Also, big news. My new holistic nutrition website will be up and running in a couple of weeks. Yay!

Hungry? No idea what to eat? How about Kimchi Spring Rolls. There are super easy to make, healthy, insanely delicious and filling. Enjoy this fresh and bold flavoured kimchi and cashew blend from heaven.

Ingredients:

Dipping Sauce:
1 cup raw almond butter
1 Tbsp freshly chopped ginger
1/3 cup water
1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 cloves garlic
add a bit of Cayenne pepper if you want it spicy

Kimchee Filling: Yields 4 cups (makes 7-8 wraps)
2 cups cashews (soaked for 1-2 hours and drained)
1/2 cup sesame oil
1/4 cup raw tahini
1T maple syrup/honey/agave syrup (optional for sweetness)
3-4 cups pre-made kimchi

Fresh veggies of choice
Collard Greens (remove the hard stem) and/or rice paper wrappers

How to:

Process cashews, sesame oil, tahini, maple syrup (if using), and ginger in food processor until chunky consistency is achieved. Mix with roughly chopped kimchi and set aside. I used collard wraps and rolled 2 Tbsp of kimchi filling, organic spring mix and julienned veggies (cucumber, bell pepper, and carrots are best!) For the dipping sauce, blend all ingredients in a blender. So easy and incredibly tasty!

Seriously, you need these wraps in your life!

xx