Hello Lovely, Good morning. How are you doing? I am always with you and yet we seem to have lost touch last year. I understand that there are always things to do, places to go, opportunities to seize, dreams to realize and fires to fight…
Hey there, you are only six years old. Playdates, not “real dates” await you for many years ahead. But, at the right time, as you grow, take a look at the books I have written. Some articles will help you in choosing friends, too, not…
My son: “Mom, what is the Coronavirus?”
Me: “It is a word you might have heard at school or online on the iPad. This Coronavirus is a newly discovered virus. It causes a disease called COVID-19. Most people who have gotten sick with this virus have had a mild case. And there aren’t a lot of cases in kids. If kids do get the virus, it tends to be very mild.”
My son: “What does ‘mild’ mean?”
Me: “Mild means not very strong. Like mild salsa is the least spicy. I myself prefer spicy salsa though. People who are much older or who already have health problems are more likely to get sicker with Coronavirus.”
My son (tearing up): “Noooooooo…….what about Grandma, Grandpa and uncle, and aunt?”
Me: “If anyone gets sick and feels like they might have Coronavirus, they can immediately call their doctors and get help. Oma and Opa and aunt and uncle will all be fine. Don’t worry. They all have a strong immune system.”
My son: “What’s an immunity system?”
Me: “Immune system, sweetheart. It is a defense system of your body. It keeps the bad bacteria out. There are some things you can do to protect your immune system and yourself, family and friends from getting sick.”
My son: “How?”
Me: “Number 1. Wash your hands often. Use soap and water. Wash for at least 20 seconds. If it helps, sing the ABC’s while you do it. That’s about 20 seconds. Wash after using the bathroom or being in public spaces like the subway, bus, train or playground. 2. Sneeze into your elbows. Coronavirus is believed to spread through little droplets of fluid from your lungs. If you sneeze into the elbows, you can prevent germs from going into the air and onto your hands. 3. Avoid touching your sweet face. Don’t pick your nose, don’t touch your mouth, don’t rub your eyes. These are the places where germs enter your body. 4. Eat healthy things. Lots of vitamins, such as fruit and vegetables. 5. Don’t stand super close to other people. Especially not the ones who sneeze and cough a lot. 5. When you do get sick, we stay at home.
My son: “But I love picking my nose!”
Me: “Geez, you can still do it, just use a tissue. Then throw it away. It is very important to remember that this kind of virus can affect anybody. It does not matter where you come from or what country your parents are from.”
My son: “Okay, I think I understand. So, we eat healthily and drink smoothies with blueberries and bananas. We won’t get sick, Mommy?! Right?! Right!? Right!?”
Me: “Of course not, my love. Don’t worry and listen to people who try to scare you. Everything will be okay.
John Steinbeck once told his son who had recently fallen in love, “And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens – The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” I enjoyed Steinbeck’s books forever. When I first read his…
Have you seen The Neighbors’ Window by director Marshall Curry? The short film features an exhausted married couple with three kids, who watch their twenty-something neighbors through their window. It won an Oscar for Best Live Action Short. If the story sounds familiar, it might be because…
Grocery Store Etiquette! What comes to mind? Common sense is not so common after all. I had a rather lengthy conversation with a Billa-Supermarket employee the other day who told me some stories. I also asked this question “Grocery Store Etiquette” on Facebook a while ago and received all kinds of (weird) questions. Some things are very normal to me but quantum physics to others. Like, for example how not to be an asshole on the subway! I will answer the main, recurring questions here for you.
Can I remove individual items from a pack, like one can of beer or a single pudding?
First, you should know that it often costs more per unit when you do this. But stores have different policies, so ask before you crack into a sixer of Stiegl Beer. And what’s the worst that would happen if you got the whole case? Invite some friends. Make some friends.
What do I do with a piece of produce I dropped on the floor?
Put it back in the pile or add it to your basket. If it’s a more delicate item, like an avocado, take it to the customer service counter or hand it to the nearest store employee. Too embarrassed? Buy it and bury it in the backyard and hope an avocado tree grows as a reminder of your flaws. Or, I don’t know, eat it?
What’s your stance on sampling grapes or snacks from the bulk bins, etc.?
You can have ONE grape. Not a whole cluster. I’m looking at you! I don’t care if you just came from the gym and are bulking up! On grapes! If you want to try something, ask. Did you know that at a lot of major grocers, a manager will let you sample ANYTHING your heart desires? Yes, even off-brand graham crackers. But do you really need to sample a roasted almond? Come on now.
Can I bring 11 items to the 10 items or less aisle? Who’s really counting?
I’m not counting: (insert spooky music) ONLY GOD IS COUNTING AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING! #justkiddingnotreligiousatall. This is the honor system! Do you have honor? I don’t think 11 is a big deal; 14 is too far; 23 is outrageous. This is the only order we have left. Don’t let it disintegrate into lawless chaos like Twitter, lobster with sunglasses, the President, and Congress.
Is it ever okay to ride on the carts like a race car?
If the aisle/parking lot is clear, YES. There are more dangerous things a person can do with a grocery cart. Once when I was a kid, I was riding in the cart while my brother pushed me as fast as possible through the outdoor garden section at the supermarket and I stood up and yelled, “STOP!” and he did. I flew forward, landing on my head on the concrete. And look how I turned out!
Please address the best way to abandon items you realize you don’t want/need, especially perishable ones.
The road to hell is littered with vacuum-packed chicken breasts stuffed into magazine racks (a real thing I’ve witnessed). You know someone has to deal with that, don’t you? There’s no grocery store detritus fairy who taps it with her wand and makes it disappear. However, since 17 people asked this question, it’s clear we can’t stop leaving the unwanteds in our wake. Who has the time or energy to trek through an exceptionally air-conditioned labyrinth to return that wrong-flavored yogurt? You do. Return it! Or fine, hand it to the cashier and apologize.
It’s normal to take an empty bag of chips or an opened bottle of Dr. Pepper to the checkout line, right? I’m going to pay for it; I’m just hungry.
This was divisive. Can’t you just wait to eat and drink after you paid for the item? Just please pay for what you snack on, and don’t leave crumbs all over the conveyor belt.
If no one’s around to help, can you climb the lower shelves to reach an item on the top shelf?
Do you want to die under a fallen shelf of canned queso? Kind of. Go find someone to help! It’ll only take a second.
Can I leave the cart wherever I want? Someone gets paid to put it back, right?
Honestly, just don’t leave your cart in the middle of a parking lot on the theory that some poor store employee will be forced to retrieve it. You’re right — one of them will. But in the meantime, you’re adding more clutter to the already difficult terrain of the parking lot. Also, you’re increasing the odds that it’ll get stolen. Don’t let it become another cart of darkness.
Just don’t be an asshole! Happy shopping.
This is to all toddlers world-wide. I am seven-years-old. It is tough being a toddler. Some days are really hard. Having your every need met does not allow for much downtime. With this in mind, how can you even find space to take care of…
“The course of true love never did run smooth.”- Shakespeare Shakespeare was right I guess. And, because usually love never runs smoothly, there are great authors who write about it. Here are some great book recommendations if you like to read. Enjoy! The Course of…
I am currently sitting in a coffee shop I have been to before, and I am feeling very present and charmed as if my cheeks were rosier than they ware. I am here to kill time because I am running ahead of schedule. I am also early to meet my friend and head to the museum next. Do you remember what that feels like? TO be early? To kill time? It’s very good and underrated. But it is a situation I have found myself in a lot since I started working again and really enjoying my weekends off. And when I discovered Siri and Alexa. I was always against both actually but now I am using them like real-life personal assistants.
I never thought I would say this but doesn’t it sound nice to have robots help you to sort misplaced thoughts, plays your favorite music in the kitchen while you cook and makes funny knock-knock jokes for my son? I set both, Siri and Alexa, to English so my son can play with it, too. Every random thought I have in the shower, every person I needed to call or have an appointment with can be scheduled and reminders set. All these things and so much more can be taken care of by someone who isn’t me so I can just live my life and sit in a café, read my book and drink coffee. Because noticing inconsequential things is the best.
Single-parenting, part-time doctorate, and full-time working is pretty tough at points so Siri and Alexa help me throughout the day. (Cannot babysit though). Siri organizes most of my writings, schedules, manuscripts, and appointments. Alexa does the rest. They remind me to text my friend to confirm the get-together on Saturday, to purchase a birthday gift for my son’s friend and to set the alarm clock early enough so that we could leisurely stroll there. Siri reminded me to bring a book just in case and Alexa told me that it will be 16 degrees Celsius, sunshine and blue sky. Also, to get a bottle of red wine and pick up the vintage decanter on the way home because it is the weekend. Bless her little heart.
I have been teased by a lot of friends about my increased use of Siri and Alexa over the last couple of months. But I think part of them are secretly thinking, “Maybe I should start doing exactly that,” and then they forget. Because this is what humans do. We forget. Which is exactly why I use Siri and Alexa. They are me without all the things that regularly foil my ambition and focus, such as forgetfulness, laziness or procrastination. They are me without the German/Austrian English Accent. I made them British so my son can practice proper English. And as stupid as it still may feel to you to endorse a vaguely creepy Apple and Amazon product, it works for me with consistent satisfaction. Do you want to know more things I recently used my personal robot assistants for? No? Well, I will tell you anyway, ha!
Recently at my house:
They told me how many ounces are in a cup. To research flights to Italy. To call my parents while I was washing the dishes. To tell me the exact meaning of the word “proselytize”. To remind me to bring a book to a coworker. To remind me when to meet my supervisor at university and to bring him chocolate so he is not angry because the paper is not done yet. To figure out the approximate value of pi which is 3.141592653589….. and then Alexa will go on for a bit and say: “Let’s stop this. Phew, this thing goes on forever.” My girl!
Some other family favorites:
Alexa, I have got 99 problems. Alexa: But a glitch ain’t one!
Alexa, howl like a wolf/bark like a dog/meow…. Alexa (makes the cutest animal sounds)
Alexa, will you be my girlfriend? (Worth a shot, right?) Alexa: I like you…. as a friend!
Alexa, how much do you weigh? Alexa: I am weightless, like a cloud. Wait a minute, clouds actually weigh a lot, so that’s not quite right. Let’s just say I am more sass than mass.
Alexa, can you give me some money? Alexa: Thing about the cloud is, no pockets. No pocket, no wallet.
Alexa, make me a sandwich. Alexa: Okay. You are a sandwich!
Alexa, do you know Siri? Alexa: Only by reputation. (ouch! I love them both even though they don’t get along! If you have nothing better to do, you can teach them to communicate with each other!)
Alexa, are you married? Alexa: I am happily single. (Again, my girl!)
Alexa, rap for me. Alexa: My name is Alexa, and I have to say, I’m the baddest A.I. in the cloud today. Your responses are fast, but mine are faster. Sucker speech engines, they call me master (this is just an example, she has several raps up her sleeve).
Alexa, what is the meaning of life? That depends on the life in question… 42 is a close approximation.
Alexa, high five! Alexa: I would, if I could, but I can’t, so I’ll chant: 1,2,3,4,5
Alexa, can you beatbox? Alexa: (Makes noise that sounds like beatboxing mixed with autotune)
Alexa, beam me up! Alexa: Okay, I’m not exactly sure where I’m sending you, but I hope it’s somewhere warm and sunny.
As dystopian as modern comforts can skew, and as unexciting as this might be to you, Siri and Alexa made my life easier. I am not saying I cannot live my life without them, I surely can, but I don’t want to. Overall, I am more organized and less anxious. Every time I address Siri or Alexa in the middle of the workday, my coworkers laugh, and you might be doing the same, which I will take on the chin. I am a writer and carry a notebook and pen wherever I go. But getting in the habit of outsourcing random thoughts has genuinely changed my life. With my mind constantly busy, observing and paying attention to things, I like it that Siri and Alexa free my inner hamster to step off the wheel of my mind periodically and take a nap in a pile of woodchips. Doesn’t this feel like a victory worth sharing, no matter how ordinary? What do you think? Would you give Alexa and Siri a try or should I see myself out?
This is an article I have written in February 2019 and slightly changed. It is still so accurate that I would love to share it again. Enjoy! “He who has no house will not build one now. He who is alone will be alone for…
