.SOMETIMES RAW.

“A healthy outside starts from the inside.” Robert Urich

A lovely summer is slowly coming to an end. I realized this last night when I actually needed a thicker blanket and felt how the air and warmth of the sunlight changed. There are many things I am very grateful for these days and not many things I need in my life because all I need is …. actually less. When I cut out the things I don’t need, I leave room for the positive and beneficial things I want to focus on. The same principle helps me to strip away the, for example, unhealthy elements of my diet and replace them with nutritious alternatives or to identify some weirdness in my relationships with people and put them behind me. By learning to prioritize and pare things down I fell the benefits across all areas of my life. So, I want to share how I found my pleasure dome:

• I worry less and take action instead. I meditate. I lighten the load by chatting with the people who matter in my life. I write about what worries and bothers me.
• I get active. Physical exercise is an effective way to de-stress quickly as it releases endorphins (Oh yeah, I forgot, I am a Certified Holistic Nutritionist: -> endorphins are “feel-good hormones” that make one calmer). I love to run, swim and practice Yoga.
• I rationalize my worries and be realistic. I don’t let my worries take control so they can get blown up out of proportion. Honestly, if it is pretty unlikely to happen, I focus on the present instead and decide then if I will actually cross that bridge if it (ever) comes to me.
• I don’t dwell on decisions. I trust my instinct, bite the bullet, and decide. I commit to my plan and take action. With the right partner, this is even easier.
• I let go of control. There are some things in life I can control and others that I just can’t. I leave for work on time but I cannot prevent the train from not running due to construction. I can always control the way I react to these situations though.
• I have less clutter. I have access to so much stuff. I can purchase things with a mouse-click. But what do I really need? Most unnecessary things, instead of making me feel happy, have a detrimental effect on my mood. I love a clutter-free home because it is calm, relaxed, and creates a happy haven. When I moved from Canada to Austria, I thought about decluttering my home as therapy, rather than a tedious task. It instantly boosted my mood and encouraged me to go on and score in other areas of my life. I was realistic about what to keep because everything my son and I could take was supposed to fit into two suitcases each.

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris

• I rethink my gifting. I consider giving time or experiences instead of items. Tickets to the Opera (For some who might not know – Vienna has an Opera), a hot-air balloon ride, a trip to some awesome place, or a SPA-afternoon. For kids: ONE gift that they really want.
• I take myself on a date. I take along my favorite book, eat something awesome, visit a museum after or see a movie.
• I declutter “beauty” products because there are so many additives and chemicals in those that are easily absorbed through the skin. I make my products or switch to the ones as natural as possible.
• I detoxed my friendship group. My free time is precious and it is important to spend it with positive people. My friends should boost me, encourage me, and make me feel better and valued. And I should do the same for them. I trust my gut instinct. If I am dreading a meeting with someone, I don’t do it unless I have to.
• I always make time for loved ones.
• I practice seeing someone. I find a peaceful space and stand or sit cross-legged toe-to-toe with my partner, then simply look into their eyes silently for at least a minute. There are always the initial giggles but once I relax I find that letting someone “see” me in this way is very powerful and I feel equally honored to see my partner, too. It brings us much closer together.

“Bring awareness to the many subtle sounds of nature: The rustling of leaves in the wind, raindrops falling, the humming of an insect, the first birdsong at dawn.” – Eckhart Tolle

• I don’t take things personally anymore. If people have behaved badly toward me, it is not a personal vendetta but just a sign that they were not able to handle things better. Issues like this are almost always about the other person, rather than me. I might never know exactly why people have behaved in a certain way, but they are motivated by their own fears and are a victim of their own weakness. I rise above these situations and don’t become embroiled in analyzing why they have happened. Life is tricky enough without picking up another person’s baggage. And in the midst of movement, chaos, insanity, and more, I am able to keep stillness inside because solitude has its own very strange beauty to it.

Stay Sane. Stay Happy. Stay Healthy.

As requested, I constructed a list of “What I have learned” and things that you don’t know about me. Here is an attempt:

• I have a scar on my right index finger. My pet turtle bit me when I was a teenager.
• I speak a bit of sign language. I am not crazy fluent, but I can communicate. I have learned the hard way that not all deaf people want to talk to you just because you can sign.
• I am working on my P.h.D. in Linguistics and will be a Doctor in about two years but I won’t be able to perform open-heart surgery.
• I am terrified of raccoons. They are so scary. Period.
• I am not allergic to food but eating pineapple hurts my mouth.
• I have been pregnant once and never want to do this again. I am fine with one child.
• My favorite food is fish, salad, and veggies.
• And Dark Chocolate.
• I would love to go skydiving but then again I would have to JUMP OUT OF A FUCKING AIRPLANE.
• I cannot stand Rod Stewart’s voice.
• I practice yoga almost daily.
• I faked injuring my ankle to get out fo running a couple of miles in police academy. I lay in the dirt until someone found me.
• I don’t like crowds of people. I don’t like big, crazy parties.
• What’s mostly on my mind is my family.
• I have a thing for guys who make me laugh and let me be myself.
• I am not sure when I have laughed the hardest in my life, but these days, I am laughing so much that my belly hurts. Also, at work.
• The best things I have ever bought were books and a comfy bed.
• I love being in museums, art galleries, vernissages, and actually anything artsy.
• I love to read and write.
• I meditate at least twice a day. It helps me clear my mind, get rid of stress and gives me energy.
• I am a pathological liar.
• Just kidding.
• I am an introvert rather than an extrovert.
• My apartment is a place to chill, read, enjoy good food, laugh, relax, and so much more.
• I enjoy a minimalistic lifestyle. Owning less makes me happy.
• I have no debt and rarely use my credit card.
• My third book is available for purchase in one or two weeks.
• I like to be honest and fair, and demand the same from others.
• I like to laugh and make everything more fun and exciting.
• I would give you the shirt off my back, even if you didn’t ask for it.
• I am generous and mostly calm. Unless the Air-condition breaks down at work.
• I can make people feel better.
• As a child, I had the creepiest clown as a stuffy in my bed and actually took it along at all times.
• Sex is awesome with the right partner.
• Sex is fun, but have you ever canceled an invitation to a baby shower?
• I hate it when people call me sweetheart or honey.
• I am proud of myself and what I have accomplished.
• I love my son so much.
• I have many male friends because it is easier to get along with them than with most women.
• I don’t want to be the “obvious” sexy mom. Still waters run deep.
• I dyed my hair blonde once when I was nineteen and will never do it again. Being natural is awesome.
• TV in the bedroom is not okay.
• I always ask for what I want. Or I go for it.
• I keep trying.
• I barely remember anyone’s name but I never forget their face.
• Street smart is as important as book smart.
• Don’t work too hard.
• I don’t ask people what they are doing for a living but rather who they are and what makes them happy.
• It is okay to cry.
• It is not okay to beat each other up after an argument. It is also not okay to take the phone of your partner and control all their moves.
• Whenever something feels weird, it usually is.
• Everything in moderation.
• Don’t listen to “experts”.
• Trust your gut. Not your brain.
• If it is not funny, you don’t have to laugh.
• I love brilliant writers like David Sedaris and David Rakoff.
• Nobody is looking stupid when they are having fun.
• Short people don’t want to be picked up.
• Relax and let them win. Who cares.
• WhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocares.
• Make “no” a complete sentence.

How does your list look? What would you add?

Even though COVID restrictions are not as “strict” anymore, things feel weird here in Vienna. I don’t quite know how to put it, but something is off. While a bookstore owner around the corner tries to survive, I strangely catch myself buying fewer books. With the demands of this pandemic, no wonder people are looking for alternative ways to live and to save money. We adapt. We change. I changed to an even simpler living. For me, simple living encompasses all the fundamental values that help me live a more wholehearted life. From being connected to the present moment to appreciating the little things, and taking time to enjoy and celebrate this awesome life.

Of course, there are many things that can hinder us on this quest to live more simply, this glorification of being “busy all the time”, consumer culture and materialism, digital and virtual consumption. I mean all those things that we seem to need to evaluate in our lives and then decide whether we want and/or need a lifestyle change.

The other day a friend asked why some people don’t work overtime. Because this way they could make some extra money to buy new things. Honestly, I rather purchase less and have more time for myself and the ones I love. This conversation then took a turn to success and if it is correlated to how busy we all are and how much time we spend at work. What does busy even mean? Explanations why someone never calls are: He is very busy at work. Some wear it like a badge of honor, taking pride in the fact that being busy implies that they are important. But they are not. Nobody is that important. The thing is that we cannot be busy every hour of every day.

Many people share every step they take and give status updates and let people know what they are doing at all times. People also share their positive stuff, their purchases, their achievements, and that they have the best time traveling the world with two motorcycles at the same time. Many just need to leave or share a feeling of a “picture-perfect” portrait of existence which is most likely not the case. I believe what it does is it leaves them with a feeling like their lives don’t quite measure up. Look at me, world! Look what I did/bought!” Please “like” and leave a comment below.

Others think they are more loved if they own “cool” things”. One of the reasons that consumerism has become such a fundamental part of people’s lives is the fact that shopping and buying things gives a sense of identity, and most importantly, a sense of worth comes from the “stuff” we consume. But hasn’t this crazy pandemic shown us what we actually need? That there is nothing lacking? That we have everything we need? Often, this urge to buy new things is because something is lacking from within, and whatever is consumed will fill that void and fix us.

I think that there is a deeper fear that if we stop being “busy” or buying stuff, for just a moment, we would be confronted by silence, and even more terrifying, we would have to face the fact that perhaps what we are “busy” doing isn’t actually that important at all.

But, what does it mean to be successful in life if it is not the things we own? It is important to remember that success doesn’t just have to be defined by the big moments in our lives or by collecting material possessions. There can be great significance in the small, quiet moments and in life’s little details. If we stop and think about it, there are other ways to evaluate how successful we or our lives are. For example, the time we spend with awesome people, the connection we make with others, how much love and happiness we inspire, the impact we have on our surroundings. By learning to relish the small, simple pleasures along the way, we can all find more meaning and joy in our lives.

It is easy to get caught in the loop of working to earn money, to buy material possessions (that fuel the economy), and to improve social status and happiness by working yet more again to buy more things. But material possessions and consuming things doesn’t do this. Experiences and people, not things make us happy.