.Pandemonium and Enlightenment.

I care a lot about many things. I worry a lot, too. Especially as a woman, I think I am more prone to care and worry. But to what extent is it healthy? Honestly, I know people who truly don’t care about many, to me, important things at all. Their life must be so much easier. Or isn’t it? Some care about celebrities, what they wear and how they look. Some people at my yoga class care about their expensive outfits, about those extra pounds they want to get rid of by starving themselves or they worry about their unwashed hair. One woman made sure to mention several times that she ran 30k yesterday, that she is so sore and hates running. “Why are you running then,” the Yoga instructor asked. “Because I don’t want to gain weight and I need to prove to my husband that I can do this,” she responded. The Yoga instructor shook her head and said, “Well, then Downward Facing Dog everyone” while the blonde woman in her hot pink spandex tank took sighed.

Others care about their bitchy friends, asshole boyfriends/ husbands or idiot coworkers. We care about being late, being too early, eating that bagel with cream cheese or eating two Cannolis for breakfast. All those things we care and worry about ruin us in the long run. We get miserable and depressed by pushing ourselves to limits we don’t even want to reach.

Taking a closer look at Instagram or Facebook, for example, people strive for validation, views and “likes”. Everybody is supposed to care. When looking at those perfectly staged photoshopped and edited family pictures, yoga poses and some things others do, we start to worry again. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I run a successful business or move to Bali? Why isn’t my house all white and why do other women seem to have it all? ALL THE DAMN TIME?

Now we have to shift our thought patterns and stop filling our days with this fluff. Nothing is perfect, ever. Nobody lives in a spotless, white house with babies or toddlers who make no mess. Take a closer look at those who tell you that their life is perfect and soon you will realize that they try the hardest and it is still all just a big show. Scratch a bit on the surface and capture for yourself what is real and how insecurities reveal themselves. See people without their masks. Look beyond. Shift your focus away from appearances and care about what makes you happy. Is it really that 30k run that you force yourself to run? Take a look inside and see what is going on. Focus on true happiness, and by that, I mean true contentment within yourself. Living in a beautiful big house, driving that Porsche, not having to work or having your kids signed up in private school might not be what you need and what makes you truly happy.

There was a time in my life when I thought everything has to be perfect or at least good enough. Things had to be a certain way. But usually, whenever I thought that this is it or this is perfect, life threw another curveball at me and I had to adjust and move on but sometimes in a completely different direction than I planned. I realized the hard way that worrying and over-analyzing does not help but rather slows me down. Many things are simply out of my control and I have to accept that.

So after an experience that I will not describe here since it is too private, I learned an important lesson: Nothing matters as much as I think it does; not even the most difficult situation, bad events or messages. What matters are people who love and need me, like my son. To me, his happiness matters. My parents matter. My friend and his family matters. But their approval does not. Perfection in a relationship does not since it does not exist. Things we think matter the most, do not matter because, in the end, everything will work out but maybe in the most unexpected way. Whatever makes us truly happy on this journey matters but this means not to lose sight of ourselves by caring and stressing about what we cannot change, is out of our control and what others do/wear/say/have/think or post online.

How about stop caring and worrying so much and start living? Time goes by so fast. I am still here and standing, despite those challenges I face(d). I am not afraid of falling short. No one can tell me what I can and cannot do, what I should and should not expect. And I am most certainly not losing any sleep over the white modern furniture I do not own. I have more important things to do such as feeding my army of squirrels on the balcony with leftover nuts. To soak in this mundane, simple moment is the purest luxury of all.

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