Aging.

I woke up this morning, earlier than usual for a Sunday, and looked out of the window. I felt like crawling right back into bed. A draining mix of grey, cold and rain was what I saw first. On my bedside table: Bakhtin’s Speech Genre and other late essays. “What a great start,” I mumbled. I put on some comfortable clothes, dragged myself to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and realized that more sleep would have definitely been good for me. The last couple of weeks and days just sucked a lot of energy out of me.  Today, I definitely look older than I feel. While I searched for some lotions and potions I heard that Petit Joel is up reading loud in his room. 

He greeted me by asking, “How old are you again, Mommy? I am almost four years-old but you are ooooooold, right?” Exactly what I needed to hear. “I am almost 36, so maybe I am a little bit old”, I told him while I rolled my eyes. I gave him his clothes to change and realized that he needs new ones. Did this kid outgrow most of his things over night? He eats way more than usual, sleeps longer and tells me here and there that his knees hurt but c’mooooon. 

I went downstairs to prepare breakfast for us but the thought of getting older followed me quietly like a shadow. While I made coffee I thought that I wouldn’t call it wrinkles since they only appear when I am laughing and ONLY on the side of my eyes. Laugh-lines are a good thing and I usually don’t have frown lines unless I have to get really angry. I also found ONE grey hair so far. Sometimes my knees hurt but this is usually only after sitting in the library for hours. I chase my son up the slide and down and all over the playground without a problem but when other kids call me Ma’am, I sort of cringe. I am up to date with all the apps, gadgets on the iPad, phone and I know what’s hot on the kid’s channel. What I however will never understand is Snapchat. I just don’t. 

My son comes downstairs, fully dressed with just minor adjustments necessary. Okay, I had to change him completely since he decided to put on his Halloween costume that he found in his closet. I realized that not too long ago, I had to dress him daily, nurse him, change his diapers, do everything from scratch. He grew up so quickly and looking at him I realize that I am indeed getting older but this is a good thing. I am learning and I am changing. Some things that used to keep me up at night so I can worry about them (German Angst again) have been replaced by others since the former are not significant anymore. Certain parenting-related or social issues are over and new ones arrived. I found out that I love to talk to my 80 year-old neighbors who sit by the window and observe the birch tree, flowers, birds and have so much knowledge and experience and they do remember the past so vividly. 

Isn’t it amazing how life goes in chapters? In one chapter I am a heartbroken girl who had been left by her boyfriend who cheated. In the next chapter I joined police academy; then I am a traveller and explorer; then a college student, a wife, a mother, a grad student and a thirtysomething woman writing all this. Things always change. Sometimes hard, difficult times feel rather endless but I always keep a very good friend and her tattoo in mind that says,”this too shall pass”. Who knows what will be written in the next chapter? 



2 thoughts on “Aging.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Follow by Email
LinkedIn
Instagram