{"id":6825,"date":"2025-10-24T04:48:22","date_gmt":"2025-10-24T04:48:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6825"},"modified":"2025-10-24T04:48:53","modified_gmt":"2025-10-24T04:48:53","slug":"hello-its-me-the-french-louvre-thief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6825","title":{"rendered":".Hello, It’s Me, the French Louvre Thief."},"content":{"rendered":"
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via The New Yorker <\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThieves in balaclavas broke into Paris\u2019 Louvre museum on Sunday morning, using a crane to smash an upstairs window, then stealing priceless objects from an area that houses the French crown jewels before escaping on motorbikes.\u201d\u00a0
\u2014\u00a0Reuters<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

– – –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am the best at what I do. I move with precision, each step a carefully choreographed ballet. I do not simply steal things like a common pickpocket; I perform. I create. I inspire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But not before 9:30 a.m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I were to, say, steal the crown jewels from the Louvre, I would not get up at the crack of dawn to do it. Mais non!<\/em> How could I be expected to perform my best work without a good night\u2019s sleep? Heist days are long, and a sleepy thief is a grouchy thief. And what of my petit dejeuner<\/em>? Am I to rappel from the roof of the museum\u2019s jewel wing without having enjoyed my pain au chocolat<\/em>? I may be a thief, but I am not an animal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In France, we pride ourselves on enjoying life\u2019s simple pleasures: food, drink, and the occasional grand larceny. To rush through these things would not just disrupt our leisurely schedule; it would be a sin. One must savor the moment, not run from robbery to robbery like a buffoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My typical heist morning routine goes like this: wake at leisure, cigarette, croissant and cafe au lait, read a chapter of Voltaire, stroll along the Seine, browse the Paris flea market,\u00a0THEN\u00a0robbery. Eliminating any one of those activities would sap the pleasure from my day, making me no better than those fools and amateurs from\u00a0Ocean\u2019s Eleven<\/em>. Twelve. Thirteen…<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s not even taking union rules into account. According to union bylaws, jewel thieves are to begin work no earlier than 9 a.m. and finish no later than 1 p.m. We have a strict ten-hour work week, overtime for weekends, and paid leave for polishing and jewelry dismantling. Years ago, the government attempted to raise the retirement age to forty-five, prompting us to go on strike for weeks until they caved. It may sound strange for the government to negotiate with robbers, but trust me, they need us for the intrigue. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have read of other cat burglars who work in the dead of night, and all I can tell you is they are not French. Miss a night of passionate lovemaking to steal some jewels that will still be there the next morning at a reasonable hour? C\u2019est impossible!<\/em> As exquisite as the curve of a perfectly cut diamond is, it will never compare with the curve of your lover\u2019s back. Besides, life is too short to get caught up in the rat race. At some point, you have to realize that blindly chasing down jewels takes you nowhere, except maybe prison if you\u2019re an amateur. Your life has to be about more than just your work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, as with every industry, technology is threatening to take my job away as well. No one wants to pay for centuries-old diamonds anymore, what with 3D-printed versions available at a fraction of the cost. Quelle dommage!<\/em> It makes my blood boil to think that people cannot see the difference between a piece of plastic and a sapphire tiara worn by Marie Antoinette. But this new generation wants only the quick and easy, not the exquisite. My work is becoming a lost art, along with all those pieces of lost art I stole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u2019est la vie<\/em>. In the meantime, I will enjoy myself for as long as I can as the last of a dying breed of hardworking\u2014but not too<\/em> hardworking\u2014thieves. A ragtag troupe of misfits, off on one last caper to knock the bumbling inspecteur<\/em> off his guard as he shakes his fist at us while we zip away on our mopeds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

via The New Yorker \u201cThieves in balaclavas broke into Paris\u2019 Louvre museum on Sunday morning, using a crane to smash an upstairs window, then stealing priceless objects from an area that houses the French crown jewels before escaping on motorbikes.\u201d\u00a0\u2014\u00a0Reuters – – – I am the best at what I do. I move with precision, … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “.Hello, It’s Me, the French Louvre Thief.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6825","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t