{"id":6693,"date":"2025-08-15T04:53:34","date_gmt":"2025-08-15T04:53:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6693"},"modified":"2025-08-15T04:53:39","modified_gmt":"2025-08-15T04:53:39","slug":"kissing-techniques","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6693","title":{"rendered":".Kissing Techniques."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Dating? These techniques might come in handy. You are welcome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Desperado:<\/strong> They get a dreamy look in their eyes, then, before you know it, swoop in quick as a bandit and shove their tongue down your throat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Zombie:<\/strong> Their lips are stiff and dead, and you want to whisper, \u201cPucker up, you lifeless weirdo,\u201d but you can feel yourself become infected, the passion slowly draining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lollipopper:<\/strong> They suck on your tongue like a child sucking on a Lollipop. You want to say, \u201cHey, that\u2019s bad, stop that,\u201d but you can\u2019t speak, because your tongue is vacuum-locked in their death grip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Kubrick:<\/strong> Toward the end of a long, intense make-out, you realize their eyes are open\u2014and you get the creeping sense they\u2019ve been open the whole time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Weirdo:<\/strong>\u00a0You try to get solid contact, but the angles are just wrong. Their head is strangely tilted, and their lips don\u2019t obey the laws of geometry. Nothing makes sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Missing Tongue:<\/strong> You kiss open-mouthed, but their tongue isn\u2019t there. You search for it like a rescuer trying to find a lost German hiker in the Alps. You wonder if it\u2019s hiding somewhere, retracted into a secret chamber.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Mmmmm Yum Yum:<\/strong> They make extremely loud and distracting \u201cmmmm yummy\u201d noises that remind you of a hungry guy devouring spaghetti and meatballs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Duck:<\/strong> They peck you four times on the lips, then they lean back and stare at you like they want some bread.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lizard:<\/strong> They rapidly flick their tongue in and out of your mouth like they\u2019re trying to catch a fly. Then they pull their head back and scurry across the sofa and out of the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Transylvanian:<\/strong> Their seductive nibbles turn into full-on bites. Then, in a thick but commanding Romanian accent you hadn\u2019t noticed before, they say, \u201cTurrrrrn off the lights.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Aggressive Dentist:<\/strong> They perform an invasive, one-by-one inspection of your molars, canines, and primary teeth, then text you an invoice the next day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Abyss:<\/strong> Before the kiss, their mouth opens in a wide mechanical swoop, like a puppet\u2019s. Their mouth-hole is too big, and you fear they will literally swallow your head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Vehicular Manslaughter:<\/strong> They want to kiss while they drive in a residential zone!?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Wes Anderson:<\/strong> They kiss you while playing a ukulele. Just as things start to heat up, they pull away and give you a handwritten note that says, \u201cI have never had sex.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bi-polar Lynch:<\/strong>\u00a0Halfway through the kiss, they call you by the wrong name. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Break-Up:<\/strong> They lean in slowly and sensually, French kissing you first softly, then more urgently. Just as the intensity builds to a crescendo, their lips stiffen, and you feel a hot tear roll down their cheek and onto yours. They whisper, \u201cI don\u2019t love you anymore.\u201d Then they lean in and do it all over again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dating? These techniques might come in handy. You are welcome. The Desperado: They get a dreamy look in their eyes, then, before you know it, swoop in quick as a bandit and shove their tongue down your throat. The Zombie: Their lips are stiff and dead, and you want to whisper, \u201cPucker up, you lifeless weirdo,\u201d but … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “.Kissing Techniques.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t