{"id":6657,"date":"2025-05-16T04:53:54","date_gmt":"2025-05-16T04:53:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6657"},"modified":"2025-05-16T13:35:06","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T13:35:06","slug":"things-to-do-at-work-besides-showing-your-penis-to-coworkers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6657","title":{"rendered":".Things to Do at Work Besides Showing Up with a Clown Costume.*"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

*4-Year-Old\u2019s Workday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8:55 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Arrive at office. Hang jacket on sunshine-shaped hook with name on it. Put snack in cubbyhole. Sing \u201cGood Morning\u201d song with co-workers. Tackle a Sudoku. Google \u201cBest Toy Stores in Vienna\u201d to see what\u2019s new on the market. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

9:04 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Forward hilarious e-mail to everyone in address book. Subject line: \u201cPoo-poo.\u201d Skim through all the other emails you received and wonder why you are always cc\u2019d in these informational emails when others get promoted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

9:10 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Take spreadsheets out of\u00a0Star Wars<\/em>\u00a0backpack. Stretch out on floor and begin making notations with crayon. Rearrange desk. Look important by shuffling papers from left to right. Print out funny pictures of coworkers and hang them in your office. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

9:15 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Drink juice box. Eat crackers. Look busy. Always look busy. Ponder the seedless watermelon\u2014 genius or troubling? Call your mom to say hi. Take a selfie in the huge mirror in the restroom. Send it to friends with the hashtag #suchabusydayatwork<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9:25 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Spend hour lining up office supplies on desk in perfect straight line. Toy with idea of sorting them by color but get distracted by imaginary conversation between stapler and three-hole punch. Complicated scenario ensues involving a lion, a puppy, and the mommy Hi-Liter kissing the daddy Hi-Liter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10:40 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Randy from accounting drops by and \u201cborrows\u201d pen with the springy pink feather on top. Grab pen back. Scream in each other\u2019s faces until Randy takes a swing with copy of\u00a0Needs-Assessment Analysis<\/em>. Supervisor intervenes and sends Randy to the smoke room for a time-out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11:05 a.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Intend to begin debugging online program for gender equality and nepotism. Get caught up in Polly Pocket website instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12:00 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Lunch. Trade PB&J for tuna with Jerry from human resources. Friendly banter about who could take who in a fight: the Poky Little Puppy or the Cat in the Hat. Notice Donna is wearing\u00a0Finding Nemo<\/em>\u00a0T-shirt for fourth straight day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1:00 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Write up statistical profile of user satisfaction based on regional trends. Entitle report \u201cI Like Stickers.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1:30 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Naptime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2:12 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Another Important Budget Staff meeting (that could have been an email) proves unproductive due to constant requests to go pee. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2:40 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Telephone headquarters to discuss department budget for upcoming fiscal year. While talking, draw picture of house. Feel special pride in the way the smoke spirals out of chimney. Tape picture to wall next to trophy for company\u2019s Hunger-Games championship in darts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3:00 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Attend mandatory Employees\u2019 Committee workshop entitled \u201cEar Infections Are EVERYBODY\u2019S Business.\u201d Session comes to abrupt halt when manager of finance jams eraser up nose. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3:30 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0E-mail from director of marketing: \u201cI\u2019m not accusing anyone but my blanky was in the copy room and now it\u2019s not. I hope whoever \u2018accidentally\u2019 took it will please return it, no questions asked. Otherwise I\u2019m telling.\u201d Schedule an emergency meeting on this topic. Invite the entire department, cc everybody else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4:05 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Ask Marco in adjoining cubicle to stop making \u201cvroom-vroom\u201d noises when he moves the mouse. Squeeze a stress ball. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4:45 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Try to duck out early, thus avoiding mandatory singing of \u201cCleanup\u201d song with co-workers. Busted by supervisor, who announces that no one is leaving until everyone is sitting quietly. Schedule another meeting, email everybody and discuss this topic. Keep everybody as long as possible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4:55 p.m.<\/strong>\u00a0Retrieve jacket from hook. Supervisor helps with zipper. Wave bye-bye to Dave at the front desk. Step into elevator. Press all the buttons.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*4-Year-Old\u2019s Workday. 8:55 a.m.\u00a0Arrive at office. Hang jacket on sunshine-shaped hook with name on it. Put snack in cubbyhole. Sing \u201cGood Morning\u201d song with co-workers. Tackle a Sudoku. Google \u201cBest Toy Stores in Vienna\u201d to see what\u2019s new on the market. 9:04 a.m.\u00a0Forward hilarious e-mail…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6657","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6657"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6657\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}