{"id":6611,"date":"2025-02-21T05:52:32","date_gmt":"2025-02-21T05:52:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6611"},"modified":"2025-02-21T05:56:52","modified_gmt":"2025-02-21T05:56:52","slug":"superpowers-i-wish-i-had","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6611","title":{"rendered":".Superpowers I Wish I Had."},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to understand men <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to fly (away sometimes)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to make some people disappear <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to turn my faults invisible<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to understand why certain things are so fucking expensive (like a new toilet seat! Just the damn seat)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to grow ten times my normal maturity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sonic shield that prevents people from hearing me in the bathroom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to detect when someone is lying (I am pretty good at this but there is room for improvement)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-duplication to create a version of me who genuinely cares about people complaining about work for an hour<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to give up control of Netflix remote control <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to not feel awkward about eating licorice (how come nobody like this?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to convincingly lie about how much I enjoy going to work <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to silence (kill)<\/s> people who snore <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to explain all these different genders to my son. Oh wait, there are only two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Super-sensing when I\u2019m supposed to be dominant<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Underwater breathing ability <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rapid leg-muscle regeneration<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to communicate with pets <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Echolocation to find things in the dark <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Memory manipulation about Playstation-play-time for my son <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not-getting-dehydrated-ness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to somehow look cool in a sleeping mask and earplugs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to control the weather, since I seemingly already have this power, as it\u2019s somehow my fault that it rained when my son and I wanted to go play basketball <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to instantly be deaf when there are a lot of kids around <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rapid emotional healing and healing overall <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to see into alternate future and relax <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to read minds, since I seemingly already have this power<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Superhuman capacity to deal with insanity at work <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to say \u201cI\u2019m fine with it\u201d and actually be fine with it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to break through emotional barriers<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sonic scream + ability to explain that wasn\u2019t sonic screaming, you\u2019ll know when I\u2019m sonic screaming<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Superhuman hearing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Superhuman listening<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paranormal power of understanding all references, innuendo, and in-jokes someone makes <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paranormal power of sleeping through the night without waking up once <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to transform tools in the tools aisle I got into those he actually asked me to get<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time compression so every second of someone not responding to my text doesn\u2019t feel like an eternity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to fast-forward space-time to a point where I can be legitimately angry someone didn\u2019t text me back and can start sending passive-aggressive texts<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remote, chill view on life overall <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to not loose it over little stuff <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to rapidly turn off anger<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paranormal power to influence accidents to not happen <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to get along and understand my sister<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to travel backwards in time and not send that text I just sent<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to sound convincing when I tell him I want to understand his perspective on cheating on me <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to search for specific text messages faster <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time manipulation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to beam myself to places<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to induce superhuman empathy, no, not even superhuman, just human empathy, as some apparently barely even have sub-human empathy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to control firmness of matrasses (they are not as hard as the salesperson promised me it would be) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to just let it go<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to travel backwards in arguments<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ability to have unlimited annual leave<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Power to teleport myself out of a any bad relationship <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Power to understand men Ability to fly (away sometimes) Ability to make some people disappear Ability to turn my faults invisible Ability to understand why certain things are so fucking expensive (like a new toilet seat! Just the damn seat) Ability to grow ten times…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6611","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6611"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6611\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}