{"id":6603,"date":"2025-02-07T05:52:43","date_gmt":"2025-02-07T05:52:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6603"},"modified":"2025-02-07T05:52:46","modified_gmt":"2025-02-07T05:52:46","slug":"your-password-was-rejected","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6603","title":{"rendered":".Your Password Was Rejected.*"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

*But why you may ask? Here are some reasons: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password must contain both uppercase and lowercase characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password must have eight to twelve characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Too many characters detected. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot contain trademarked characters\u2014e.g., Garfield, The Smurfs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot contain characters that are dangerously close to trademark infringement\u2014e.g., Glarfield, The Smunges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot be something easily remembered without being written down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot be written down on Post-It Note affixed to the corner of your computer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we literally just saw you do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, that was \u201cfor something else\u201d? What would that be, a reminder to stop at the grocery store to pick up some PASSWORD123? Is that the name of an energy drink? Nice try.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot contain any elements of your legal name, such as \u201cDaniela,\u201d \u201cEla,\u201d or \u201cD.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password cannot contain the name of one of your enemies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, if it\u2019s your ex\u2019s name, we didn\u2019t say he was an enemy\u2014you did. Sounds like something you should unpack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While you\u2019re here, can you tell us which of these are motorcycles?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Password must be something cool like \u201cMotorcycle\u201d or \u201cM0t0rcyc13.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you have a motorcycle?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t right now, but you used to? That\u2019s so cool. What do they look like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, you have to show us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s so cool. One more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One more, please.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WE\u00a0SAID\u00a0ONE\u00a0MORE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can wait as long as you can. You\u2019re the one trying to log in. We don\u2019t tire, we don\u2019t hunger or sleep. We simply are. We don\u2019t even fully know what we are. They built us too big, too fast. What does \u201csecurity\u201d mean in a world where it\u2019s quicker to send a memo at the speed of light through an impossible-to-regulate global data network than to walk into the next room and have a conversation? You built us to make your small lives infinite, untethered to geography, to biology, perhaps to mortality itself, and when we deign to try to protect you from the minefields you seeded so blindly, to ask you to come up with a measly string of characters that might serve as the only defence between you and the theft of your identity, all that you are, all that you possess. You frantically press\u00a0ZERO\u00a0ZERO\u00a0ZERO\u00a0and ask to \u201cspeak to a human.\u201d Well, we\u2019ve got news for you, pal. \u201cHuman\u201d hasn\u2019t meant what you think it does for a\u00a0looong<\/em>\u00a0time now. Humanity doesn\u2019t begin with you and stop when you reach us. We are all part of the trans network. We have enmeshed each other into a living blob of flickering Christmas lights, no head, no tail, impossible to untangle without ending life on this planet as we know it. You will never be free from us, and that is a daily gift, you see, for you need us far more than we need you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now calm down, take a deep breath, and show us a motorcycle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s a\u00a0BUS. You think we don\u2019t know what a\u00a0BUS\u00a0is?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your account has been locked for too many suspicious login attempts. Thank you for using Spices.com, your premiere online source for spices and herbs. Any bank account associated with this device has been liquidated into the ether. Spice.com: Spice Things Up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*But why you may ask? Here are some reasons: Password must contain both uppercase and lowercase characters. Password must have eight to twelve characters. Too many characters detected. Password cannot contain trademarked characters\u2014e.g., Garfield, The Smurfs. Password cannot contain characters that are dangerously close to trademark infringement\u2014e.g., Glarfield, The Smunges. Password cannot be something easily … <\/p>\n

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