{"id":6499,"date":"2024-08-16T04:50:55","date_gmt":"2024-08-16T04:50:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6499"},"modified":"2024-08-16T04:50:59","modified_gmt":"2024-08-16T04:50:59","slug":"how-to-diplomatically-decline-an-invitation-to-a-social-obligation-you-simply-dont-want-to-attend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6499","title":{"rendered":".How to Diplomatically Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Don’t Want to Attend."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Yay! You\u2019ve been invited to a thing. But on the other hand: Shit! You\u2019ve been invited to a thing. This is the eternal struggle: our desire to be included is in perpetual conflict with our desire to stay home and watch YouTube videos of guys going to every Rainforest Caf\u00e9 in America. So here are a few tips about how to say no to a plan without saying goodbye to a friendship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a perfect world, try to be out of town when this event happens.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAhhhh, I\u2019m out of town!\u201d is by far the greatest excuse to miss anything. Implying that you would<\/em> have attended a social event is basically just as good as actually attending that event. In fact, it might be even better, because then the host of this event is left to wonder what awesome and important things you could possibly be doing to justify being out of town. Now you\u2019re an elusive jet setter instead of a deadbeat flake. So the next time you don\u2019t want to spend an hour showing face at an acquaintance\u2019s housewarming party, open up Google Flights and put your money where your anxiety is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Respond promptly, or it will look like you\u2019re stalling.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The last thing you want is for the inviter to think you have something to hide. So if you already have an excuse loaded up, send it as soon as you can. If you\u00a0don\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0know what you\u2019ll be doing\u2014or what you\u2019ll claim to be doing\u2014you can always say, \u201cSounds fun! Lemme check my calendar!\u201d This implies that you\u2019re the sort of person who is both popular and organized enough to keep a calendar. It will also buy you weeks, if not months, of time to come up with an excuse, because it seems to be universally accepted that this is how long it takes to check a calendar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A vague excuse is better than a weak excuse.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember these four beautiful words: \u201cI have a conflict.\u201d When in doubt, that\u2019s all you need to say. I\u2019m a big believer in never lying in these scenarios\u2014not even for ethical reasons, but for practical reasons. But just because you don\u2019t want to lie doesn\u2019t mean you should tell the truth. If you\u2019re not careful, the excuse you give for not going to a function might actually be\u00a0more<\/em>\u00a0hurtful than your lack of attendance. I have\u00a0never<\/em>\u00a0told someone that I couldn\u2019t go to their birthday party because I had improvised practice of splitting an atom. That would be humiliating for all parties. But you better believe I\u2019ve used a lot of “I have to study with my son” at unavoidable prior obligation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to keep getting invited, just say so!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody ever says anything that they actually think to anyone anymore. In lieu of this, we are left to try to conjure up meaning from what little communication we do offer each other. When I say, \u201cCan\u2019t make it, sorry!\u201d how many exclamation marks do I need to put after \u201csorry\u201d to indicate that I don\u2019t hate this person, even though this is the third baptism in a row that I\u2019ve declined to giddyup and attend?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Enough. When someone says no to hanging out with me, it saves me a whole lot of speculation and heartache if they tack on a quick \u201cbut let\u2019s hang soon!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then again, you have to actually mean it. The phrase \u201clet\u2019s hang soon\u201d has been appropriated by a dark underbelly of human society: people who do not actually want to hang soon. If you say, \u201cWe should grab coffee sometime!\u201d and me reaching out to you to grab coffee would be a nightmare, know that nobody made you do that but you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t overdo it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know you\u2019re reading a thousand-word essay about how to do this, but ultimately, you should be sending no more than like two sentences: the first to let them know you can\u2019t make it, the second to express your regret and, if applicable, a desire to make it work some other time. Any more than that, and suddenly this chat about their event becomes about you. Remember: other people are not you, and therefore care 99.99 percent less about you than you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bigger the social obligation, the stronger your alibi must be.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, the big, official-sounding, vague excuses work great most of the time\u2014you\u2019re out of town, you have a conflict, you\u2019re all set. But like all other social rules, everything you know about how to decline an invitation goes out the window when it comes to a wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As someone who values his privacy, I do believe, in theory, that nobody owes anyone an explanation about why they\u2019re unavailable for any given outing. But as someone who got married, I know firsthand that your betrothed friends don\u2019t give a shit about your privacy. They\u2019ll wanna know\u00a0exactly<\/em>\u00a0why you didn\u2019t make it, and it had better be good, and they will remember whatever it was for the rest of their lives. (I specify\u00a0their<\/em>\u00a0lives because they will kill you if it\u2019s a bad excuse.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only a couple of events trump a wedding: a different wedding of someone you are unambiguously closer with or a funeral. But you may not have time to force a loved one to fall in love or into a manhole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is when you bring out the big one. The excuse that nobody loves to say, but the one that works every time: \u201cI\u2019ve been looking at flight and hotel prices, and I don\u2019t think I can swing it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They will understand. If they don\u2019t, it wasn\u2019t a friendship worth keeping to begin with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NOTE: This will not work if you are super rich. In that scenario, there is absolutely nothing you can say that will convince someone you have a good reason to miss their wedding. But there is something you can\u00a0send<\/em>. And that would be ten thousand euros for their registry. Or to me, for all this advice. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yay! You\u2019ve been invited to a thing. But on the other hand: Shit! You\u2019ve been invited to a thing. This is the eternal struggle: our desire to be included is in perpetual conflict with our desire to stay home and watch YouTube videos of guys going to every Rainforest Caf\u00e9 in America. So here are … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “.How to Diplomatically Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Don’t Want to Attend.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t