{"id":6470,"date":"2024-07-19T04:39:44","date_gmt":"2024-07-19T04:39:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6470"},"modified":"2024-07-19T04:39:49","modified_gmt":"2024-07-19T04:39:49","slug":"simple-to-follow-office-refrigerator-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6470","title":{"rendered":".Simple to Follow Office Refrigerator Rules."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Employees:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just thought it would be helpful to remind everyone of the rules we have in place for keeping food in our shared refrigerator. Please follow these guidelines to help ensure the fridge remains a sanitary and healthy space for everyone who works here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Our staff will throw out everything in the fridge each Friday by 6 p.m. If you don\u2019t want your leftovers to end up in the trash,\u00a0TAKE\u00a0THEM HOME!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Do\u00a0NOT\u00a0eat any food that isn\u2019t yours, whether it\u2019s a mostly full container of pad thai or a mysterious glowing paper bag that has been wedged in the back of the fridge since our company moved into this office on June 6, 2006. If you see someone else\u2019s name on it, leave it alone. If you don\u2019t see someone else\u2019s name on it but know it isn\u2019t yours, leave it alone. If the glowing seems to be getting more ominously radiant as your flesh inches closer and closer toward the bag, definitely leave it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 If you accidentally eat someone else\u2019s food, just own up to it. Do not pretend that you brought in the same meal or try to blame it on the glowing bag, as that generally just seems to make it angrier. Glen was the last person to try that, and we never saw him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 No, Glen was not fired. We honestly have no idea where he went and are pretty worried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 If you see something in the fridge with a note on it that says\u00a0FOR\u00a0ANYONE<\/small>, I guess you\u2019re technically allowed to eat it, but keep in mind that this may just be the glowing bag trying to trick you into consuming something for sinister purposes. We\u2019re pretty sure it gained the ability to write while we were all working from home and is using this skill to foster a false sense of trust among our employees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 We know the fridge gets crowded, but try to keep your food at least a quarter-inch away from other people\u2019s food\u2014especially if it contains peanuts\u2014and at least six inches away from the glowing bag. Stacy hasn\u2019t been quite the same and is much more fluent in Aramaic since she left her salad right next to it all weekend. This is one of the reasons why we instituted the \u201cfood gets thrown out on Friday\u201d rule, just\u00a0FYI. That, and the smell was attracting flies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 The glowing bag is exempt from that \u201cfood gets thrown out on Friday\u201d rule, in case you didn\u2019t already assume that. The last cleaning lady who tried to throw it away vanished soon after, and now the temperature instantly drops by twenty degrees whenever we say her name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Yes, we assume she and Glen are in the same place. We just don\u2019t know where that place is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 We really don\u2019t like to ask about our employees\u2019 religious beliefs, but we will say that one time a certain colleague put some sacramental wine in the fridge, and everything except the paper bag was covered in blood three minutes later. It totally spoiled the piece of pumpkin pie I had been looking forward to all day, so please don\u2019t bring in any sacramental food items going forward. Also, please no fish. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Make sure to always shut the fridge door completely. Leaving it open even just a crack could cause the food to spoil and allow the essence inside the glowing bag to escape its current confines and spread to all other parts of the office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Do not adjust the temperature settings. Also, do not touch the AC of the room where the refrigerator is in. We have confirmed with a sustainability expert and an exorcist that the fridge\u2019s current temperature is optimized to be environmentally friendly and ward off evil spirits. Any adjustment could put both of those things at risk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Clean up all spills immediately, unless the spill comes from the glowing bag, in which case flee the office immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 If you open the bag, you are subject to immediate termination. But you should let us know what\u2019s in it before you leave. I\u2019ve always assumed it was a demon, but Joe is convinced it\u2019s just some really old egg salad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sincerely,
Dave from HR<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Employees: I just thought it would be helpful to remind everyone of the rules we have in place for keeping food in our shared refrigerator. Please follow these guidelines to help ensure the fridge remains a sanitary and healthy space for everyone who works here: \u2013 Our staff will throw out everything in the fridge … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “.Simple to Follow Office Refrigerator Rules.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6470","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t