{"id":6403,"date":"2024-03-29T06:21:38","date_gmt":"2024-03-29T06:21:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6403"},"modified":"2024-03-29T06:55:59","modified_gmt":"2024-03-29T06:55:59","slug":"the-easter-bunny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6403","title":{"rendered":".The Easter Bunny."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Okay, fine. You caught me. Congrats on catching the real Easter Bunny in the act. Yeah, I\u2019m real. As real as Santa Claus. You know what else is real? My hatred of Santa Claus. Seriously, screw that guy. Like his job is any harder than my job. You know how long it takes to hide two dozen eggs? How much creativity? What I do is much more complicated than throwing a bunch of presents under a tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But please continue to regale me with tales of wonder about Santa and his elves, the hundreds of talented elves making and wrapping the toys for Santa, happily taking care of all of the details that make Christmas so\u2026 Christmas-y. Such a plentiful support staff. And every last one of them is abso-fucking-lutely delighted to make Santa\u2019s job easier. None even entertain wishes or dreams of their own. Nope, they\u2019re just there for Santa. What else could they even want? So don\u2019t think for a moment that they\u2019re being exploited, that they\u2019re an indentured workforce, trapped in a frozen wasteland, working off a debt they know they\u2019ll never fully repay. Don\u2019t think that because it\u2019s probably not true. Only maybe I\u2019ve heard some shit. From very<\/em> reliable sources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not my point, though. My point is, whether there\u2019s a secret North Pole Elf Dungeon or not, Santa\u2019s got people doing all his shit for him. But take a wild guess at who helps the Easter Bunny make Easter happen. Ever wonder who\u2019s raising and feeding the chickens that lay a septillion eggs? Or who\u2019s decorating those eggs? Ever wonder who weaves the Easter baskets and makes the treats that go inside them? A legion of helpful elves? Hell no. It\u2019s just me. And I don\u2019t even have opposable thumbs! Okay, I\u2019m exaggerating. Not about the thumbs. That\u2019s accurate. I\u2019m a rabbit. Truth be known, I outsource nearly all of it. I\u2019m not a fucking idiot. But who has to make sure the Excel Spreadsheet is up to date, and that the vendors come through in a timely fashion? This rabbit. And this rabbit alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, wait, silly me, you probably want to see my Quantum Rabbit Hutch in person, right? What do you mean you\u2019ve never even heard of it? It\u2019s the vehicle that makes it possible for me to do what I do. I designed it. I built it. It bends fucking time and space. And absolutely no one gives a shit about it. But that\u2019s cool. I guess a faster-than-light vehicle is ultimately not as interesting as a sled driven by pack animals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look, sorry to vent. That\u2019s the cost of catching me. Because there\u2019s no Mr. Bunny back at the warren to rub my feet, bring me a cocktail, and listen to my tales of woe. Yeah, that\u2019s the other thing: I\u2019m a lady. Don\u2019t even get me started on the sexism at the center of all of this. I don\u2019t have the time. These eggs won\u2019t hide themselves, and I still have half the world to cover, including the North Pole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can you believe that shit? I still gotta make Santa\u2019s Easter special. Just fucking typical.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Okay, fine. You caught me. Congrats on catching the real Easter Bunny in the act. Yeah, I\u2019m real. As real as Santa Claus. You know what else is real? My hatred of Santa Claus. Seriously, screw that guy. Like his job is any harder than my job. You know how long it takes to hide … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “.The Easter Bunny.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6403","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-reviews","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t