{"id":6385,"date":"2024-03-08T05:45:04","date_gmt":"2024-03-08T05:45:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6385"},"modified":"2024-03-08T05:47:51","modified_gmt":"2024-03-08T05:47:51","slug":"30-days-sex-challenge-for-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6385","title":{"rendered":".30 Day Sex Challenge for Parents."},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

DAY 1: Entice your partner by dressing in lingerie and performing a striptease.<\/strong> Don\u2019t smile too much \u2014 mysteriousness is sexy. Also, when you smile, your partner can see the mouthguard you wear every night to protect your teeth from stress-induced grinding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a02: Find a new place in the house to have sex.<\/strong>\u00a0Since the kid(s) can wander in at any point, steer clear of the kitchen, living room, dining room, bedrooms, bathroom, guest room, stairway, laundry room, and attic. But there\u2019s still the crawlspace! Oh, and that damp corner of the concrete basement that always smells like body odor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a03: Watch a Kama Sutra video to inspire a new position.<\/strong>\u00a0While you\u2019re at it, could you email Jayden\u2019s mom and ask her for some new snack ideas? Every day your kid’s been coming home with his lunchbox practically untouched. He said he liked pistachios! You heard him!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a04: Shower sex.<\/strong>\u00a0Apply generous quantities of soap to each other\u2019s naked bodies and enjoy the smooth sensation of \u2014 whoa, where did the non-slip bathtub stickers go? You can\u2019t just step into a bare tub, it\u2019s dangerous. Yes, I know Jenny\u2019s afraid of seahorses \u2014 that\u2019s why I bought the dolphin stickers\u2026 they\u2019re under the sink\u2026 behind the lice shampoo. Behind. Behind. Behind.<\/em> Do you not know what \u201cbehind\u201d means? Forget it, I\u2019ll do it, just move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a05: Read erotica together in bed.<\/strong>\u00a0For bonus points, read out loud to each other. Just be sure to close the kid’s room door first. Also, unplug Alexa: you don\u2019t need some random person from LinkedIn hearing your rendition of\u00a0Hot Yoga: Getting Down Dog and Dirty.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a06: Give your partner a sensual massage.<\/strong>\u00a0Start by rubbing their shoulders and move slowly down their back. Be sure to whisper coquettish things in their ear like, \u201cYour mother keeps emailing me about our summer plans,\u201d and \u201cI worry you\u2019re not eating enough salads.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a07: Share a wild fantasy with each other by email during the day, then play it out at night.<\/strong>\u00a0Find a night when you can take your time. Monday and Wednesdays are no-go because the kids have karate, and Tuesday and Thursday nights are Jenny\u2019s ballet practice. Alternate Fridays are Girl scouts, Saturdays are booked up with Jayden\u2019s soccer travel, and every other Sunday evening is community chorus. So\u2026 next Friday? Hang on, let me get the calendar, I think we have a dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 8: Sneak in a quickie tonight.<\/strong> A fun, speedy session keeps things lively, and can also be a handy way to get through the repetitive credit sequence of the Netflix show you\u2019re binging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a09: Road trip!<\/strong>\u00a0Hop in the car for a night drive, then find a secluded spot to park and have furtive car sex like teenagers. Since you can\u2019t hire a sitter for less than three hours, you might as well bring back the folding chairs to the store first. They\u2019ve got a surprisingly hassle-free return policy that almost makes up for those endless lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a010: Roleplaying.<\/strong>\u00a0Try out a classic pairing, like football player and cheerleader, priest and confessor, Rachel and Ross. If you start to feel self-conscious, just remember that not too long ago it felt strange to think of yourself as a parent, and yet now it\u2019s overtaken every identity you have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 11: Ladies night.<\/strong> Whatever Mama wants, she gets \u2014 including eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Meow!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a012: Food & sex.<\/strong>\u00a0Tonight you combine two delicious pleasures. Just be sure to put a towel down first, because strawberry juice stains are impossible to get out. And don\u2019t use the raspberries \u2014 I\u2019m saving those for Jenny\u2019s birthday cake. Actually, don\u2019t eat the strawberries either, I might want those for the frosting. All berries are off-limits. Use the green apple in the fridge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 13: Take turns blindfolding each other.<\/strong> Just like you were blindsided by the drudgery of parenthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a014: Break out the lather and razors because tonight you\u2019re going to shave each other\u2019s most private regions.<\/strong>\u00a0There\u2019s no better way to build intimacy. Well, one of you could also expel a screaming baby from your straining body cavity over a period of sixteen hours while the other watches helplessly\u2026 but shaving works too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 15: Halfway there!<\/strong> If you haven\u2019t managed to actually have sex yet, now\u2019s your chance to reset. Start over tonight with a racy session of\u2026 Honey? Are you asleep?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 16: Snuggle up in bed and watch porn together.<\/strong> Try to find something that turns both of you on. No, The Crown<\/em> doesn\u2019t count. I know you\u2019ve been asking to watch it together but tonight is\u2026 fine\u2026 I said fine<\/em>\u2026 I\u2019m not making an expression, this is just my face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day 17: Cosplay!<\/strong>\u00a0If you\u2019re new to the practice, cosplay is just Halloween for adults, except there\u2019s no candy and the costumes cost hundreds of dollars. It makes no sense. But neither does devoting the prime of your life and the bulk of your income to raising children who will eventually abandon you. Suit up, Batman!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day 18: Tonight you\u2019ll make your own dirty movie.<\/strong> In addition to fulfilling a fantasy, you\u2019ll also learn about the importance of lighting and how Google Cloud works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 19:<\/strong> Skip a night because one of the kids got sick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 20:<\/strong> Still sick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 21:<\/strong> Now your other kid is sick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a022:<\/strong>\u00a0Now you\u2019re sick. And you have your period. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 23: Dirty talk.<\/strong> If you feel shy, wait until you\u2019re embroiled in another argument, and instead of saying \u201c____ you,\u201d say \u201c_____ me\u201d. Watch the erotic sparks fly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 24: Only one week left!<\/strong> Come on, we have to do it once this month.. oh, begging isn\u2019t sexy?\u2026 you know what, I don\u2019t need this either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 25: Have sex in a chair.<\/strong> Try the one that\u2019s supposed to have been reupholstered but every weekend goes by and there it is still, tattered and neglected. Hey, maybe this way a certain someone will actually notice it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 26: Take turns dominating each other.<\/strong> But not in the psychologically damaging way that lately comprises your relationship, as you lash out because of your ruined expectations, weary disillusionment, and resentful exhaustion\u2014tonight, do it in a fun, sexy way!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 27: Wine pairing.<\/strong> What goes best with a tired, over-familiar body shrugging through the rote motions in the hopes that you\u2019ll finish already? Pinot Noir sounds about right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a028: Determine each other\u2019s spirit animal and tap into that primal nature for some savage lovemaking.<\/strong>\u00a0Maybe your partner is a lion, wolf, or bear\u2026 aw, remember when Jayden used to listen to \u201cHere Comes a Bear\u201d non-stop? That was so sweet. And he\u2019d sing along with the Wiggles in his raspy little boy voice. Now all he does is play Minecraft. Everyone says the time will fly by, but you don\u2019t believe them. Until it does\u2026 Sorry, what were we doing again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY 29: Advanced-level Kama Sutra.<\/strong> Find two or three challenging positions to attempt. Maintain the mystical energy by avoiding questions like, \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be easier to work with gravity?\u201d \u201cIs it supposed to bend like that?\u201d and \u201cWhy would a donkey even try to mate with a monkey?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DAY\u00a030: Congratulations! You made it to the last day of the challenge.<\/strong> Celebrate by having sex at a time other than the seventeen minutes after the children are all finally asleep in their beds, their lunchboxes have been packed for school, the living room straightened up, kitchen counters wiped down, dogs walked, calendar updated, and before the soft, dark hand of sleep has mercifully closed your eyes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DAY 1: Entice your partner by dressing in lingerie and performing a striptease. Don\u2019t smile too much \u2014 mysteriousness is sexy. Also, when you smile, your partner can see the mouthguard you wear every night to protect your teeth from stress-induced grinding. DAY\u00a02: Find a new place…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6385","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6385"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6385\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6385"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6385"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6385"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}