{"id":6343,"date":"2024-01-26T07:54:15","date_gmt":"2024-01-26T07:54:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6343"},"modified":"2024-01-26T07:54:22","modified_gmt":"2024-01-26T07:54:22","slug":"how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-almost-anything","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6343","title":{"rendered":".How to Talk To Your Child About (almost) Anything."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Raising kids today is more challenging than ever, but communication is key. Some subjects might make you uncomfortable, but addressing them honestly now will really help you out down the road. These sample dialogues between my son and me are a road map to addressing life\u2019s thornier issues. Honestly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Facts of Life<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Where do babies come from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: What babies? I don\u2019t see any babies around here, do you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I mean, when people have babies, where do they come from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Does that mean I\u2019m from space?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Yes. You\u2019re from Mars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD:\u00a0I\u2019m a Martian?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Yes, and if you don\u2019t make your bed every day, Mommy will send you back to Mars to live with your real parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: You\u2019re not my real mom?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: No. You\u2019re a Martian who was sent to live with an Earth family for your own protection. Your real mom is 16 feet tall and shoots lasers out of her eyes when she gets mad. Think about that next time I send you to your room. At least I didn\u2019t burn all your toys with my laser-eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drugs<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: What are drugs, and should I do them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Do you have any?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Then let Mommy watch Workin’ Moms<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: At school they said we should just say no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Um, do I interrupt you when you\u2019re watching Sesame Street<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I\u2019m 10. I don\u2019t watch that anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Wait, which kid are you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Joel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Joel what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Joel Henry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Freaky. We have the same last name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: You\u2019re my mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: (Sigh.)<\/em> I thought you were from Mars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I stopped believing that a long time ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Well, you\u2019re going to get a big fucking surprise on your 16th birthday when your real mom lands in a spaceship in our backyard and snatches you out of the house with her spiny tentacles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I am not from Mars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Prove it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

War<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Is it always wrong to go to war?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Excuse me, but what does the cardboard sign hanging around my neck say?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: It says, \u201cDon\u2019t talk to Mom. She is reeding.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: OK then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: You spelled \u201creading\u201d wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: You got the gist. Lot of good those spelling skills are going to do you where you\u2019re going. They don\u2019t even have colleges there. And they don\u2019t speak English.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Where am I going?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Do I have to say it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I wish I was never born.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: You weren\u2019t. You hatched from a big green egg.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Religion<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Is there a God?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: I think your people worship a glowing orb or something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: What do you mean, my people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Martians.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: OK, that\u2019s enough. I never believed that crap and I\u2019m never going to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: Hey, OK, don\u2019t get mad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: I am mad. I am not a Martian! I am a human! Oh my God! What was that? Lasers just came out of my eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: I told you so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: And when your friends come over you can tell them who burned your Playstation<\/em> with laser eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHILD: Holy crap. (laughs) I love you, mom. You are the best. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MOM: You are not bad either. Just hug me and give me a kiss. (and he does, every time) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Raising kids today is more challenging than ever, but communication is key. Some subjects might make you uncomfortable, but addressing them honestly now will really help you out down the road. These sample dialogues between my son and me are a road map to addressing…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6343","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6343"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6343\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6343"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6343"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6343"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}