{"id":6186,"date":"2023-08-11T06:17:50","date_gmt":"2023-08-11T06:17:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6186"},"modified":"2023-08-11T06:17:55","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T06:17:55","slug":"how-to-ensure-your-annual-family-vacation-destroys-your-relationship-with-your-entire-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=6186","title":{"rendered":".HOW TO ENSURE YOUR ANNUAL FAMILY VACATION DESTROYS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY*"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"531\" src=\"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/07730003.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6187\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/07730003.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/07730003-500x332.jpeg 500w, https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/07730003-768x510.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/07730003-512x340.jpeg 512w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>*for my godmother Hannelore. Because we spoke about it last Monday. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1. Rent one big house together.<\/strong>&nbsp;Working \u201ctogether\u201d to choose a house, everyone should drag their feet and be overly polite until the bossiest one just takes care of it. The Boss should resent that they had to do everything. Everyone else should resent that The Boss got to make the decision. No one should say anything (yet).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. Gather funding.<\/strong>\u00a0This financial component is essential for establishing tension from the start because everyone in your family has different incomes. Even The Boss (who is the wealthiest) says, \u201cWhoa,\u201d upon seeing the price per night. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>3. Make sure the house is spacious enough to accommodate everyone (technically) but also no one (comfortably).<\/strong>&nbsp;Some variations to maximize relationship destruction:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Select a house with one fewer master suite than the number of couples. Don\u2019t forget to unfairly resent the couple who didn\u2019t get an ensuite bathroom.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Select a house with enough beds for every kid but one. <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Put every kid in a sleeping bag on the floor except one, who gets a bed. Because, as everyone knows, Clarissa is a little princess who\u2019s done no wrong since the day she was born, and what, now you\u2019re mad at, like, a child?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Note: Everyone must hate the house but say they love it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4.&nbsp;<strong>Invite that estranged family member.<\/strong>&nbsp;Or you know what, don\u2019t. Either way, someone\u2019s going to be furious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>5.\u00a0<strong>Bring a ridiculous amount of food.<\/strong>\u00a0Each family should bring enough food to feed eighteen families for four months\u2014except the one family who brings enough to feed one family for one week. Unreasonably label the reasonable family \u201cstingy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>6. Demand that everyone eat what you brought.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>7. Retain some very specific and important rules about what should not be eaten.<\/strong>&nbsp;Do not tell anyone what they are. Become quietly angry when the rules are violated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>8. Consent to all dinner plans.<\/strong>&nbsp;But as game-time approaches, start to cook something else entirely. Take up a lot of burners; always somehow be in the way of the assigned chef. Claim the menu shift is due to dietary restrictions, but really you just want something else, and, like, it\u2019s&nbsp;YOUR&nbsp;vacation, too, right? At least once, \u201cremind\u201d someone who\u2019s already made you dinner that you have plans to eat out. Also, let the same two people do the dishes after every meal. If you\u2019re one of them, sigh audibly. But say nothing (yet).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>9. Carry all earthly possessions to the beach.<\/strong>\u00a0Basketball and bocce and volleyball and football, and what the fuck are they getting out, a badminton net? Drag it all down a giant dune and forget about the trip back up. The Boss should force the family members who brought only a towel and a book to play badminton, and then everyone should think, if Diana and Michael were so keen to play badminton, why didn\u2019t they lug down a shopping cart of beach equipment themselves?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>10. Play board games 24-7 for some reason.<\/strong>&nbsp;Without clearly delineated winners and losers, everyone risks surviving vacation feeling calm, even pleasantly refreshed. Bonus: no matter how competitive you are, anyone either more or less competitive than you is super annoying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>11. Finally explode\u2014but on the wrong person.<\/strong>&nbsp;Try taking it out on the kids because they are an easy target. Or that one widowed family member who can\u2019t call for backup. Get it all out. There\u2019s a lot in there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>12. Hide in that one tucked-away bathroom, as you have been doing all week.<\/strong>\u00a0Only this time, stay in there for so long that everyone starts to talk in hushed, reverent tones about you. Cry and scream. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>13. \u201cApologize\u201d for exploding.<\/strong>\u00a0Play nice in the final eight minutes of vacation. Smile. Give everyone a hug. There. That\u2019s your apology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>14. As you pull out of the driveway, tell everyone we should definitely do this again next summer.<\/strong>\u00a0Same house, same mini golf where Uncle John threw a hissy fit about how Uncle Billy doesn\u2019t correctly calculate penalty strokes, same everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>14. On the ride home, strap in for the long, damning post-mortem with your spouse.<\/strong>\u00a0Add screaming, crying kids. This is the best part. This is your true vacation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>15. Kind of miss the whole thing the instant you\u2019re home.<\/strong>\u00a0It wasn\u2019t so bad, right? It was kind of fun. Reinforce this idea by telling everyone at the office that it was great. This is just the kind of mind that will get you back in the family van next summer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If these strategies fail to spark bitter acrimony among your extended family, try again next vacation. And add alcohol. And more screaming, crying kids. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>*for my godmother Hannelore. Because we spoke about it last Monday. 1. Rent one big house together.&nbsp;Working \u201ctogether\u201d to choose a house, everyone should drag their feet and be overly polite until the bossiest one just takes care of it. The Boss should resent that&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_ml_titleColor":"#000000","_ml_titleFont":"Roboto","_ml_titleFontSize":1.136,"_ml_titleFontWeight":"400","_ml_titleLineHeight":1.3,"_ml_metaColor":"#708090","_ml_metaFont":"Montserrat","_ml_metaFontSize":0.6785,"_ml_metaFontWeight":"400","_ml_metaLineHeight":0.92,"_ml_bodyColor":"#a9a9a9","_ml_bodyFont":"Open Sans","_ml_bodyFontSize":0.85,"_ml_bodyFontWeight":"400","_ml_bodyLineHeight":1.2,"_ml_wooPriceColor":"#666","_ml_wooPriceFont":"Open Sans","_ml_wooPriceFontSize":0.9,"_ml_wooPriceFontWeight":"400","_ml_wooPriceLineHeight":1.27,"_ml_headingColor":"#000","_ml_headingFont":"Merriweather","_ml_headingFontSize":2.02,"_ml_headingFontWeight":"700","_ml_headingLineHeight":1.47,"_mlglobal_userfontcolors":{"headingColorUser":[],"titleColorUser":[],"metaColorUser":[],"bodyColorUser":[],"wooPriceColorUser":[]},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minimalism-lifestyle"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6186"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6186\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}