{"id":3844,"date":"2019-11-05T20:23:16","date_gmt":"2019-11-05T20:23:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com--precise\/?p=3844"},"modified":"2019-11-05T22:22:05","modified_gmt":"2019-11-05T22:22:05","slug":"running-a-marathon-through-the-five-stages-of-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sometimesraw.com\/?p=3844","title":{"rendered":".Running a Marathon through the Five Stages of Grief."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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#RunSelfieRepeat
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\u201cPeople say that what we\u2019re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s what we\u2019re really seeking. I think what we\u2019re seeking is an experience of being alive.\u201d<\/em>– Joseph Campbell <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The big New York Marathon is over and a good friend of mine ran and finished it. Years ago, my goal was to at least attempt it. Things changed when I ran my first full marathon in Berlin. I have never been super big into running but I did it because it made me feel good afterward. I thought, “I did something for myself!” There are times when I just plod along like a sad turtle but this is fine, too because I will get there, in the end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I joined the German Federal Police I thought it is a good idea to stop smoking (kinda was!), get in shape and start to train for a marathon. Initially, I trained on my own with a Runners World Book Guide. This all went pretty well and I thought I am ready for the marathon after my longest training-run of 17k. I signed up for the Berlin Marathon. Of course, I had a big breakfast before; an omelet just because. I was super excited. Months of training will pay off. I was all glucosed up and my mental game was on point. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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www.comedycard.co.uk. This is pretty much how I looked; minus bicycle and helmet. <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The big day arrived.<\/strong> I thought about ways to distract myself with my iPod (yes, this marathon was a while ago) and all the gadgets that nobody really needs. I wore extra layers of clothing because it could be cold. I took squeeze power gels and lotions and potions. With a water-bottle-belt and room for energy drinks, I started the 42.195 kilometers. In the beginning, everything was fine. I was super motivated. After about 17K (remember my longest training run?) I didn’t like running that much anymore. But hey, just a couple of kilometers left, I thought. Can’t be that bad. At around 27 kilometers in I started going through the Five Stages of Grief<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stage 1: Denial. <\/strong>27 kilometers in. When my world became meaningless and overwhelming. Life made no sense. I was in a state of shock and denial. I almost went numb. I wondered how I could go on if I can go on and why I should go on. I tried to find a way to simply go through this. I guess denial and shock helped me to cope and make the survival of this marathon possible. Isn’t there grace in denial? Isn’t it nature’s natural way of letting in only as much as I can handle? “I am becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade”, I said to myself as I ran on. As I proceeded, more feelings began to surface and I realized that I am talking to myself out loud. Then the cursing started. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stage 2: Anger.<\/strong> 33 kilometers in. I have to confront my inner demons. I reminded myself: I hate this f**** marathon. Why is it that bad? On my iPod playing: The soundtrack of System of a Down masked my labor-breathing and tricked me into thinking that I can do this. I shouted: “If I\u2019m in need of catharsis, I go for something that will make me Capital F “Feel” good, now “FUCK THIS SHIT”. I wore sunglasses which is always a f***** good idea, should an errant tear or sadness creep in. MY BATTERIES ARE EMPTY ALREADY? But music will get me through this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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