It is Thursday, or Friday? I don’t know. I have been traveling with my family for the past four weeks and lost track of date and time. I am sitting here in our kitchen back home after another awesome day spent at the beach, with good food and lots of reading and books. Our son is sleeping – totally exhausted of running around at the bookstore and beach. Next to me is a big glass of water and I am enjoying the silence that goes with this beautiful moment and evening. Cicadas playing their little song in the backyard – quietness otherwise. This is my favorite time of the day. Reflecting on the day, me-time, reading, writing and simply enjoying that there is no hustle.
So what comes to my mind first? Happiness. How fortunate I am to live this life – right here – right now. The previous three weeks spent in Martinique were one thing that I scratched off my bucket list just now. Also swimming with turtles in the ocean which literally made me cry. Jean and I had a long talk the other night about what makes us/you really happy and that this kind of life we are living makes us feel alive. This craziness, the traveling, sometimes uncertainties, the exploring and of course when life throws you a curveball to figure out how to solve the situation without freaking out – all those things.
When I look at our son I know what makes him really happy. He wants to run outside, explore, play. So we just do it; it is just that simple. And looking at my own life this way is actually what I try to do. Sometimes it is awesome to just get up and play. Well I have not always been this way. Many times in my life I simply chose to be around things and people or do things that did not make me happy or did not add anything positive to the bigger picture. I would do the same thing over and over (expecting a different result) and asking myself why this is not working. Now I ask myself what would make me happy and then I do it or figure out a way to get there. Simple as that. For me this happiness thing has been a long hard struggle. Many times I “thought” I was happy but isn’t it more about wholeness than being happy? Does what I am doing right here right now add to my wholeness? Does it add to the bigger picture of my experiences or my life?
What makes me feel alive? Definitely my family. Always has been – always will be. Being with them and traveling, sharing new experiences and this first excitement of exploring something new like this recent vacation to Martinique is just what I live for. This pleasant feeling of waking up next to my husband, and feeling safe, knowing my son sleeps safe and sound in the next room – this is happiness. Of course the sound of the waves ten meters away from the bedroom was awesome as well. Or as simple as sitting in the kitchen together and just being in my husbands accepting, magical presence while he tries to solve some weird medal- ring- puzzle- something. Add a good book (currently I am reading Joan Didion’s “The year of magical thinking” and the “Journals of Sylvia Plath” by Sylvia Plath). Add a good meal: wine and some cheese and of course writing.
The other day I was complaining about something – not sure what but it was something silly. My husband tells me I should just spend that energy working to change the situation instead of keep complaining about it. I thought about my life and that I really needed this advice many times before. And if I look at my life – just the way it is now – there is no reason for me to complain about anything. Life is not simple – this is clear. Life is magical. I make the best out of it because I only have this one shot. Sometimes when I just take a step back I can see everything clearer. Today I worked on my wholeness. Little steps, and this is where I begin.