On departure: Love Note to my husband 1/32

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people.”

My love,

I miss you so much. You left a couple of hours ago and the house is empty. Empty of your presence, empty of your smile and warmth. Our son is still up, confused where you are and is waiting for his good-night kiss.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. Time passes so fast. Looking out into my backyard I realize that the leaves (feathers)  are changing. I haven’t noticed all week but things change. You are gone. I know that it most likely will not be for long and that I have to be patient and you need to work. But still… c’moon!

——-

My husband’s first assigned in Mali was okay because we could at least see each other every four weeks. Needless to say, this time around we will not have that much time to spend together. Well, unless of course I fly there and it is a family mission so I try to see the best in things and stay positive. It is an adjustment as we both know – especially with our son. I am a single parent for now while he is gone. Sigh!

We just had the best two months ever being together non-stop and traveling. We had date-nights which I think is very important if you have a relationship/marriage like I do. We do not get that much alone time usually when my husband is home so we make spending quality time together a priority. Of course it does not have to be anything major. We do enjoy the simple things the most: A candle, a bottle of red wine, popcorn and hours of talking and philosophizing. It was also very important in the time we do spend together to actually BE together as a family. My husband and son are very close which is a beautiful thing to watch.

When my husband got picked up earlier from the airport shuttle service it was horrible. To see the ones you love the most in this world go makes my heart hurt. It is the same every single time at the Airport Frankfurt (“Valley of tears”!). My parents dropped me off and the crying just did not stop. Or, my mom suggests, “Hey, let’s all have a coffee somewhere!” while I on the other hand just try to make the waterworks stop. Oh, I am getting off on a tangent here. 🙂 With all these goodbyes in my life already one might think that I am used to it by now. That parting gets easier. Well, noooohoooo! Not for me. It sucks. I wish I could have all my loved ones around me every single day all day long. Maybe not that crazy but you get the point. In close proximity maybe but not 8,000 miles away. Sniff! My mom tries to be a goodbye pro by now and waves and waves, closes the door and then cries a bit. But never really in front of me which makes departure a little less dramatic.

So yes, I do miss my husband like crazy at this point. These last 30 minutes today before they picked him up I was desperately clinging to him, exchanging just weird comments about food, printer, water fountain etc. kind of like if this would somehow mean he didn’t have to go. Don’t even ask how I looked after he left. Hello waterworks! Now I am sitting here alone in the kitchen writing along in silence. Saying goodbye to him never ever gets easier no matter how many times I rehearse them.

I have to admit that I sometimes admire people who just remained in the same town their entire lives with their families, kids, a nice garden with two garages and a dog and a cat. All of course close to their parents place, walking distance. And they do not really know what I am talking about here. For them airport means holidays or vacations. Then again, this is my life and my choice. We both decided to go through with this for now so “lighten up Bob and wipe away those tears!”

I will be sending my husband daily Love Notes through this blog because I love him. Simple as that.

Mon amour, be safe out there. À bientôt. (or see you soon which sounds nicer than goodbye I think)

<3

One Reply to “On departure: Love Note to my husband 1/32”

  1. Well my love... I told myself to never "invade" your blog... But this time as a reader I do have something to say... It is not easy to leave and it is not easy to watch people leave... The duty call makes it a little bit easier to close the duffle bag and place it in the entrance but, what makes it reasonably painful is the need to read the next page... What if we were a story in a book !? These paragraphs we enjoy so much would still have an end, and we would be expecting from the following ones to make us vibrate, cry, laugh... Feel alive... As long as I have to leave I keep turning the pages, and have that book ready in a safe place for the appropriate moment... Precious debriefing on a deck facing a lake... French wine has to be involved, but tropical cocktail or cup of tea can be acceptable substitutes... I love you Your husband...

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