Of course, the time in Germany flew by in a heartbeat. I always know this before I even get home. I want to meet so many friends, talk to everyone, and spend time with them but it is not possible. Time flies. I just packed my suitcase and soon it is time to unpack all the things I purchased/received as intelligently as possible at home.
I am on the train and cannot even describe the endlessly long number of thoughts that are going through my head right now. I wiped away a tear or two but I always figure out a way to deal with these rotten goodbyes. You know why? Because I have to and things will be okay. And if they won’t, I will rearrange everything and make it work again. There are only solutions.
I felt emotional for two days now and it is strangely always the same painful phenomenon. Saying goodbye to my family is never easy. I just know I am and have been at a very peaceful, loving, good place. My home base, which is a place where I don’t have to worry about anything. Where I can be a child again. Spending time with my family is extra special. Anybody who knows them can relate to what I am talking about. So many really awesome and good conversations. So much quality time. Things are never perfect, but it felt pretty close to it.
Saying goodbye to my grandmothers does not get easier. They are old, they have health issues. We do talk on the phone or via Skype (82/92 year-olds are using Skype, too!) every week usually but this is not the same as of course talking in person. I was thankful to have spent some time with them while I was home. I am just continuing to put my positive energy out there by thinking positive thoughts and things. Everything will be okay. I simply have to take out the negativity and sadness of leaving my home-base behind but this easier said than done since I am so close to them.
My life is no way how I ever planned it to be. The only thing I always knew was that I don’t want to be stuck in this small home town of mine forever. I wanted to see the world, explore, experience, travel. All these things did not change but there is a price to pay when moving away. I made all type of plans but life threw curveball at me left and right. Things changed. I adapted. Now I live in Austria and I love and adore it. This is my life. My new life. With no family around but they are a lot closer now than before. I am here now, open, present, and grateful for what I achieved. Grateful for the relationships in my life, especially the ones that open up my mind to new insights and helping me to embrace ideas and thoughts. As I said, all we can ever do is to adapt to new circumstances.
Even though my heart is aching, I know that I don’t want to change this wild, somewhat uncertain, and crazy life of mine. I beat the German “Angst”, look beyond and take a shot on this crazy life and what it entails. And I will be back at some point. No matter what. Priorities in my life shift. It is not so much exploring the entire world alone anymore but rather having the people I love close by or the certainty that they are just a train ride away.