.SOMETIMES RAW.

So, should I start by talking about all the at-home Yoga workouts I have been pretending to do, or all the banana bread I have been baking for Instagram? Or, what if I told you that everything we knew about slowly going insane on a desert island was wrong? Or, that all you need is a virus that is so dangerous that you need a test to figure out if you have it?

Or, better let me start this way. My computer is pretty old and refurbished and there will be a need for a new one pretty soon. I got a slight reminder that a trip to a computer store is imminent when my beloved MacBook Air crashed after an update. But, I also love to save money, and whenever I can keep this baby with me, I will do so. I didn’t want to bother my brother who is pretty successful and busy with his IT company MR Studios in Prague to help me fix this mess. This is when I decided to have an online chat with a MacBook Specialist at WordPress.

Hi, my name is Daniela. I am having trouble with my computer.

Hi, my name is Anton. How can I help you? What’s the trouble? [for some reason I hear him breezing heavily and I feel a virtual eyeroll. My brother usually does that as well whenever I ask him computer-or math questions]

My screen freezes whenever I open WordPress and want to access my blog.

Okay, let’s try this. Do you see the “System Preferences”?

No, where is that? Ohhhhh….. wait, I see it.

Yeah, it is in the “toolbar”. Found it?

Yes. [I wish I could be at a bar right now]

Click on the Apple icon and scroll down to System Preferences.

Done.

Do you see something that looks like a pie?

Yeah, actually next to me in the kitchen. I made pumpkin pie yesterday. It is awesome. Fall is a great season because everything pumpkiiiiiin, right?

………………. Here is what I want you to do. Do you see an icon that looks like a grey gear? I want you to update your system.

Okay, I did that. It says, “System is up to date”. What should I do next?

Are you able to lick the screen on your computer?

Are you serious? Just like…. lick?

Yes.

Okay. Done. It tastes citrusy.

Now press very hard on Delete and Shift at the same time. Then stamp your feet three times. Did WordPress and your blog open?

Something opened, yes.

Good, here is what you need to do. Walk in. It is narrow. You will have to crawl. Let me know when you are inside the wall.

I am in.

Where are you now? There should be a lever. DO NOT pull the lever.

I already pulled it.

Is there a tiny person with a green jacket on? Don’t ask him to take you to the cyclops or play Song of Storms from the game “Zelda”.

But I love this song. I asked him and he is considering it. I don’t know what that means.

…….. Do you want your computer to work or not? Okay, don’t mind. Just go back to your Apple menu. Are you with me?

Yes.

Are all your updates up to date or is the gnome saying something?

He is asking for a cold coin.

Okay, do you have Apple Pay?

Nope. And this little guy is getting really angry. He wants me to solve a riddle to continue. “What has four suns but only one moon?” What the f**** is going on with my computer? He is now cursing and waving some torch at me.

Let’s try this……. You can answer the gnome by jumping on the Y key with all of your might. Then the cyclops cannot be too far behind you so you can destroy him. There should be a lot of metal and wires and things. Do not be afraid.

I now gave him my watch, which has calmed him down momentarily.

Do you see the damn menu bar?

Uh….. yeah. [Wondering if Anton is getting angry]

CLICK ON THE APPLE ICON! THEN CLICK SYSTEM PREFERENCES AGAIN. CLICK ON SOFTWARE UPDATE. DO NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE.

Okay, okay. Now, the princess is safe and she gave up her throne because she did not believe in social stratification. 🙂 I want to evaporate into pure energy. Now, that my computer works again my corporal body will be gone forever, but my soul will live on.

🙂 You are funny!

Hahaha, thanks. Everything works again. Now that I can watch and open whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure anymore.

Is your screen still frozen?

I AM THE SCREEN.

🙂 I hope this has been helpful. Would you mind taking a short survey to let us know how I was doing?

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” —C.S. Lewis

Throughout my adult life, I have spent many minutes that have amounted to many hours and maybe even days thinking about friendship – what it means, whether I am good at it, how much of it I have compared to other people, and what I need to do (or not to do) to obtain a certain amount. I have to add that I never really had a huge crew of real friends. Maybe a bit over a hand full. I have many friends from all different areas of phases of my life, each tucked into their own neat little orbit and only colliding on rare occasions. Also, combining friend groups is hard. Making new, genuine friends as an adult is even harder – for me. It takes me a while to really trust someone. I don’t have this anxiety, this need, to go out there and meet new people and make friends. Lately, I started thinking about the future of friendships. A good friend of mine just came back from a mission and I actually had tears in my eyes when I saw her. We don’t spend a lot of time together but when we do, it is awesome. Just the knowledge that she is here is enough for me.

With this pandemic, possible lockdowns, and this slightly buzzing anxiety what will happen next, friendships feel more important to me than ever, but in a completely different way. There is still a sense of pressure, but one that is more internal-facing. One that asks me not what I am doing to make more friends, but instead what I am doing to serve the friends I already have. How can I give more and ask for less? Am I reaching out only when I need something, or when I think they might need something? Maybe “pressure” isn’t the right word, because that tends to have a negative connotation, and there is nothing negative-feeling about this desire. It feels more like a kind of yearning, born from the tender space between missing and wanting to be missed in return. While making new friends will always be a worthy pursuit, re-investing some of that time and energy into the ones I already have and love is often even worthier. I am getting better and constantly learn how to get it right, this friendship thing. Especially after big disappointments when you think you are friends with someone and they rat you out behind your back. I again have distinguished between certain kinds of friends and friendships I have formed. I learned that I have to be careful who I talk to and about what; and who my real friends are.

Since I moved to Vienna, I have made friends in aisles at the local supermarket and in bookstores. Sometimes it is just a few minutes of lively small talk, other times it has a Humphrey Bogart-level of promise. It is comforting, in any degree, to feel seen by another person. Once, on a solo trip to the Albertina Museum in Vienna, I said, “So we meet again!” to a woman who wandered near me into all of the same rooms, and we later ordered snacks at the café. A couple of months ago, on a train ride from Coburg to Vienna, I hit it off with a dentist from Bosnia who told me his life story for four hours straight. And for my gold medal of serendipitous friendships, I met my first friend here in Vienna at the Schönbrunn Labyrinth. We sat on a bench next to each other, both glued to our phones while enjoying the sun in fall. We started talking when my son asked me for the millionth time if he can go to the water park part of the playground. “I won’t get wet, I promise,” he added. My now-friend next to me just told me, “They will always get wet!” I responded, “Does it get easier when they get older?” “Nope, just differently interesting. Many days, I am f***ing exhausted!” The friendship was established then and there and we spoke for three hours straight, walked home together, and exchanged numbers.

One secret to deeper friendship? Doing something random and talk. Whenever I meet with my friends, it is just the simplest things, such as sitting somewhere, having coffee, and we can talk for hours like we have never been apart. I also believe in quality over quantity. With these close friends, there is never weirdness, everything is clear, we are there for each other no matter what. I realize and accept that we are all busy at points so there is no resentment or guilt and I am happy to spend time together whenever we can and there is always love when we connect. This is the secret to friendships for me.

 

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran

When I started this journey of simplifying my life, I realized how much more freedom, joy, and balance this brought me. It is almost a game at this point. Where else in my life can I remove distraction and simplify my life to focus on the essentials? My son’s 7th (!) birthday is around the corner and he is very excited. Let’s see if it will be possible to host a Halloween birthday party like every year. Damn you, Covidiot-time!

I have countless memories of my own birthday parties as a child. My parents always made it special and kept family and traditions alive. For some reason, very few childhood memories actually include the gifts I received. Well… okay, I distinctly remember the Barbie Camping Trailer which was pretty awesome. I was nine-years-old. Or the Lego Hidden Sight Haunted University. I was thirty-nine. Other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. I had a nice chat with a colleague at work about this which got me thinking: What type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What type of gifts will truly impact their lives? Or anybody’s life for that matter. This is my take on it.

• Something I created or made for him.
• Affirmation: Telling him that I appreciate and love him.
• Challenge him. Encourage him to dream big dreams and follow them.
• Contentment. This need for more is contagious. But, I lead by example and embrace that less is more. I show him that he has to be content with what he has, who he is, and who he can become.
• Life isn’t fair. It never will be. There are just too many variables and idiots on this planet. But, when a wrong has been committed, I want my child to be active in helping and solving. I know that any issue can simply be discussed and solved in a normal way.
• I teach my son to ask questions. Many questions. I will do my best to answer them all without telling him “Stop asking so many questions”.
• Discipline. Appropriate behavior, how to get along with others, how to solve problems, how to get results, and how to achieve his dreams.
• Beauty. I help him to find beauty in everything he sees and in everyone he meets.
• Love.
• Stability. A stable home and foundation are key. He needs to know that he is safe, his place in the family, who he can trust, and who is going to be there for him. To know that he can always come home is among the sweetest assurances in the world.
• Undivided attention. Mostly. 🙂
• I show him to be generous and live it, so he does it.
• Honesty/Integrity. To be honest and to deal truthfully with others is so much better. No lying. No cheating. No stealing.
• Hugging and Kissing. The other day I heard a father tell his maybe ten-year-old son that he had grown too old for kisses. No, Sir!
• Imagination. And he has tons of that. So cute to see what he creates because the world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And those with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
• I teach him that learning is fun and a passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please a teacher. I love to learn, read, write, and study, and he can see that daily. So he does it, too. You want to raise a reader, be a reader.
• We spend quality time together after work and school. We eat together, play together, and talk a lot.
• We spend time in nature. As much as possible. Doesn’t cost anything.
• I teach him to be positive. Pessimists don’t change the world. They make everything sad. Optimists do.
• Time. Giving someone time is a great gift. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get- or take back. So I think carefully about who (or what) is getting mine.
• I give him room to make mistakes. Room to experiment, and explore because kids are fun (to a certain extend, right!?).
• I teach him to have the right amount of self-esteem and self-confidence without creating a wise-ass or know-it-all. To value himself and stick to those values is important. Even when no one else is. He does not have to be the best in everything or better than everybody else.
• Uniqueness. What makes him different is what makes him special. Uniqueness should not be hidden and rather be proudly displayed for the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
• Humor. We laugh a lot and are both pretty funny.
• Opportunity. He needs opportunities to experience new things so he can find out what he enjoys and what he is good at.

Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at the department store. But, I think that is the point. Have a lovely weekend.

Stay Happy. Stay Healthy. Stay Sane.