.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

Le husband and I dated for one year and a half before we got married. We moved in together after three months! Crazy? Not at all. We spent most of the time together anyway, either at his or at my place and we knew it is right; it felt right, so we just did it. We saw each other every day. Cooked for each other, spent quality time together on our days off. When we met we both worked full-time at the United Nations and I was about to finish a Bachelor degree and attended school in the afternoon/evening full-time. I am not sugar-coating anything here. It was a tough time. During the week I usually came home at 9.30 pm and was exhausted. He waited for me with a cup of tea, a glass of wine (or two) and something small to eat which made it all okay again. 

Then our son was born and things changed. Le husband went on a mission with the United Nations to Africa and I moved temporarily to Germany with our son. From spending time together every single day to dealing with a long-distance relationship was hard in the beginning. I had my family around for support with petit Joel but the man I love was 8000 km away. We see each other usually every four-six weeks for one week. There were days when it was really tough, the internet did not work, the time differences and so much more. We used emails, Facebook messenger, FaceTime or Skype but it is just not the same than talking to someone face to face. Especially, if something awesome happened. The first steps our son took or the first word(s) he spoke [and amazingly, Papa was among the first five words!] Le husband saw all these things just as videos I made for him. I started this habit to record a little one-minute video every morning after we woke up for over one year. Looking back at all those it is amazing to see how fast our son changed. Imagine, these gadgets would not exist? Technology is pretty awesome! Can someone figure out how to teleport humans through the phone? 

Distance can be a beast sometimes. Especially being that far apart and when I sometimes hear nothing from him for a couple of hours. Horrible, considering the work he does! Even a little note would make me more comfortable but thankfully this does not happen that often. Almost never! 

But guess what? We found our little groove even with a bunch of countries between us. We found out when the best times to chat online are. When it is best to reach him in the desert. Where to stand to have the best connection. We realized that we became better writers. We wrote long emails to each other. Hearing that all-familiar bling when an email from him arrived made me so happy. Making plans for our future helped us a lot, too. Realizing that he will be back home soon helped. When we do see each other we appreciate the time together more than anything else — and of course seeing each other again after a month+ feels always like a first date again. Before he arrives, I am all antsy, check my hair,nervousness and dress up a little. We enjoy being together more since his mission assignment. Distance makes the heart grow fonder! 

These days le husband is here with us in Germany and it is great. We cook, take long walks, go running together, read, go to the movies occasionally [Thanks, Mom] or just sit outside watching the stars while talking forever, contemplating life. Then we laugh so hard that we have tears in our eyes. Life is good the way it is. We appreciate this time together and how our life turned out. Everything is manageable and actually not that bad. Even when I lived with our son alone in Connecticut it was all good. We figured things out, and made others work out better. I changed in a good way; became even more independent and proud of myself dealing with tougher situations alone. And little things that used to slightly annoy me, don’t bother me anymore in the slightest. However, it is always better for us to be together, obviously. The three of us! And still feeling those butterflies in our stomachs after all this time. Looking at the stars tonight, I remember why I am here and whistle a Chim Chim Cher-ee while holding my husband’s hand. 

Hello and Happy Monday! 

“On a day
when the wind is perfect,
the sail just needs to open and the world is full of beauty.
Today is such a
day.” – Rumi

Today was a Holiday in Germany and my family and I spent the afternoon in Ahorn at the Alte Schäferei. This place is so awesome. This farm had been used as a sheep farm dating back to 1615. Now they have old farming tools and so much more on display at the museum. Every year there are different events and the pottery market/fair is around the second weekend in May. There are other little stands as well such as a soap seller, locally produced linseed oil stand, handmade rings, glass artwork and so much more. Definitely worth a trip! 

However, we took my son. He is 2 1/2 years old and a handful these days. He was terrible this afternoon. One of those days when I wished for a minute or two that I would have taken that birth control pill way back when. He was out of his mind, running around [pottery!!!!], screaming, not listing and in the end crying. H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! Le husband took over to chase and run after him. For a second I thought about this: “Inside the chaos, build a temple of love.” -Rune Lazuli but then I realized that I am not really able to do just that. Usually, I am running on a short fuse and explode easily. I was angry, screamed and yelled back at him and the situation got worse. The more I scream, he screams. My husband looked at me and told me that I am exactly like him at this point. Initially, I was even angrier but then it made me think about how marriage changes once you have a child. We both try to do the best for him, give everything, try to make it all work. Make him learn, listen and whatnot, but both with different approaches. I am with my son most of the time and I know him pretty well by now. I know what freaks him out, what makes him happy and what things cause a nuclear meltdown. And since I know all this and whenever life gives me lemons when he is losing his mind, I should just grab my Burberry coat, put on my Chanel lipstick and wander through Coburg enjoying myself like I own this place, right? 

When I observed how le husband deals with our son on a daily basis, now that he is here in Germany, it makes me wonder if I could ever be like him. Be consistent and simply don’t give up or don’t give in and don’t let him be the king of the family. When I walk with my son to the bakery he is usually pretty good. He stops at the street, waits for me and stays with me. There are other days, too. But I saw le husband and my son walk to the bakery the other day, hand in hand, my son looked left and right before he crossed the street and I wondered what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it is just because he is not around that much and my son respects him more? Do we establish rules for a lifetime with him already? Does he remember these things we teach him now? 

I do know that petit Joel does certain things to please me and to make me happy. I also know that he does certain things to hurt me. But usually I feel when I tell him something he agrees to it but with le husband I have the feeling that my son knows he MUST obey. Weird! Maybe it is a men-thing, maybe not. It is our duty and responsibility to raise our son to our ideals and what we believe in as well as saying the right thing at the right time sometimes.

I was sick yesterday. It might have been the weather – it is so cold in Germany these days, or the wind at Wartburg Castle that we visited on Sunday. I sat in the kitchen at night and felt that I am getting sick. My head and my entire body hurt, my throat even more and my nose was stuffed. So I just closed my eyes for a couple of seconds and curled up in my arms on the table. Petit Joel sat next to me and ate his dinner. I felt so weak, had a temperature and just wanted to fall asleep right there on the spot. My son said, “Mommy, open your eyes, Mommy. It is not …. so bad. Everything …. be okay!” While he said that he touched and stroked my arm and leaned forward to give me a kiss. I felt so much better realizing that he loves me. That he, no matter how he behaves sometimes, is so cute and loving. He does not intentionally want to make me feel bad. He loves me and he is exactly like I knew he would be when he was still this little tiny worm growing up in my womb building his personalty. And yes, I was so dead on. He is loving, caring, curious and so gentle and connected. And even though he has his little tantrums, he is peaceful. Every single morning he wakes up happy and he stares deep into people’s eyes. My grandfather was here the other day and when I saw both together, playing ( 2 1/2 years vs. 87 years!!!) I felt this overwhelming sense of peace while patiently continuing to raise my son waiting to meet this man he will become one day. 

“The only cure to all this madness; is too dream, far and wide. If possibility doesn’t knock, create a damn door. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t make it. If the journey you’re travelling seems to far fetched and wild beyond your imagination; continue on it. Great things come to the risk takers. And last but not least, live today; here, right now, you’ll thank your future self for it later.”
-Nikki Rowe

Hello and Happy Friday!

I just came back from the BookCrossing meeting in Coburg that takes place once a month and is always a great hangout on a Friday night and a good start into the weekend.  I met awesome people, made new friends, discovered fantastic  books and had conversations that easily lasted four hours with just one Campari Soda to moisturize my throat. It is seriously so good that some people drive over an hour to meet at the Hungry Highlander in Coburg and talk about books and whatnot. I love talking to people because I learn something from each and every one. I want to share a little quote I love and then start with my Five Things. Enjoy! 

“Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering.” 

Reading: Le husband is back which usually means he brings back many books I ordered.  Yay! I finished Brave Enough by Cheryl Strayed today and loved it. It is a beautiful little book full of inspiriting quotes. My favorite is:

“If someone is being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird, you don’t have to take it in. You don’t have to turn it into a big psychodrama about your worth. That behavior so often is not even about you. It’s about the person who’s being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird. If this were summed up on  a bumper sticker, it would say: Don’t own other people’s crap. The world would be a better place if we all did that.” 

I also start reviewing Andie Mitchell’s Eating in the Middle – A Mostly Wholesome Cookbook. I will write an official review on bloggingforbooks and of course on my blog soon. Currently, I am reading Nora Ephron’s book The Most of Nora Ephron. I love her. She was/is an amazing writer, journalist, novelist, screenwriter, producer, director [When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and many more] and even blogger. With 576 pages, most certainly not a quick read but I will enjoy and savor every single page. 

Watching:   My brother recommended The Martian with Matt Damon and I of course had to watch it. His movie recommendations are usually pretty spot on and I was never disappointed. All I can say after watching it is: WATCH THIS MOVIE! It is fantastic. 

I am looking forward to watch Monsieur Chocolat,  Peggy Guggenheim documentary and Minimalism: A Documentary. 

Listening:  I looked through my husbands music online and found two great CD’s. Portishead – Dummy and the Prince “Batman” album. I also discovered Lubomyr Malnyk and his album Illirion. So beautiful. You remember Richard Ashcroft and the song Bitter Sweet Symphony? He came out with a  new album called “These People”. It is pretty awesome. 

Discovering/Learning: Did you read or hear of Moorea Seales yet? Lately, she is all over the web with her online store and a fantastic selection of jewelry, books and so much more. Looking for gifts online? Nice clothing and whatnot? Do check out her website. Another great website to find deco and gadgets is  Feinedinge.  

Have you read my last post on Chocolaterie Seelenlust in Coburg? You want chocolate and are in Coburg? Plan a visit to this fantastic place. YUM! 

Check out this app and download it for free if you need a little help with mediation and staying or becoming calmer. It works for me. I love it. Highly recommended. 

Jacques Henri Lartigue is one of my top ten French photographers and painters. 

This book just has been published in February and is full of his amazing artwork and of course on my Wishlist! [Hint Hint, le husband!]

Looking forward to: Working with my friend Mischa and his artwork. He is an amazing person and painter and has a plethora of beautiful paintings. I will write an entire article about him and his work, with interview and so much more . So stay tuned for that. 

If you are into design and architecture, the Coburger Desingnertage will open soon. It will take place from May 31st to June 5th and is absolutely worth a visit. I will be there for sure! 

Have a great weekend. Enjoy it.