.SOMETIMES RAW.

Artwork Mischa Schenkel

Hello and Happy Monday! 

Petit Joel and I have been at a funeral today. Mine and his first casket funeral and it was very emotional. Petit Joel did not say a word (unusual) throughout the entire ceremony and was close to me when they slowly let down the casket. I cried a bit, in-and out. I remember the person as a good man and we had our last longer conversation last year in July, just before I left to Martinique. He was okay, he was funny, he was battling cancer but he was alive. Things changed and have gotten worse and he passed away. They slowly let down the casket and Let It Be by the Beatles (a song he loved) played silently in the background. Petit Joel and I threw two daisies in the grave-hole and said goodbye to him. Goodbye to the memories I shared with him way back when when we were kids. 

Throughout the ceremony, I observed cars driving by the cemetery. Life proceeded ike nothing every happened. People do their thing – the world keeps spinning, even though one awesome person passed away. What my mom and I observed while the priest held her speech was a screaming eagle high up in the air. As soon as the casket had been lowered, this bird flew around a couple of times in the air and let out a scream. This was the best part about the entire funeral. This was him – him saying goodbye to all of us. This is what I believe. 

After the funeral we all felt sad and full of thoughts and ended up talking at a café with a friend who also attended the funeral. Setting up our emotional selfs for talks and new adventures. The cars still kept driving by, life still moves on.

My life moves on – to Canada. Le husband and I will explore new territory, new challenges, new discoveries. I am shaking my head in some type of wonder, asking myself, “how I am so lucky to be here still, alive and healthy?’ I found myself today – somewhere I will never forget. My heart aches to live in the moment more than ever since today and I need to nourish that need. Some things constantly change, others change slower and the only constant thing in live is change. Really think about it! Some plans or adventures have to adjust and of course I have to be patient, courageous or more receptive and move on sometimes. 

I want to be present and live in the moment. I will put my phone away and turn my computer off more often. I don’t think about what I missed out on and I am reflective as I was today. Thing that have been causing unnecessary stress in my life will be jotted down.

 I thought about all the moments and wonderful times we spent as kids with this great person who passed away. I am grateful for all the laughs and chats when we walked to his physiotherapy office last year. I wish the family all the best and tons of strength. It was good to have seen you all today. Love! 

Artwork Mischa Schenkel

Hello and Happy Friday!

I am shocked by the attacks in France. What the hell? Sometimes I have no words to express how I feel. This is all so shocking and leaves me speechless. It makes me sad and scared in an uncomfortable way. Can I still go out without fear? Will my son be able to go out without fear? What will happen next? Will it ever stop? So many innocent people died; what for? FUCK Terrorism! This needs to stop – but I guess it never will. It will only get worse. Sad things happened this week and I needed to shed a teardrop or two. On a lighter note, good things happened, too. Again, another week just flew by like the speed of light. Too fast. I celebrated my birthday on Tuesday and I am grateful for my family. Read on what else I have been up to if you would like. Enjoy!

Reading: I got a bunch of books for my birthday (yay!) and I started Affentanz by André Bergelt today. I am also re-reading The Insufferable Gaucho by Roberto Bolaño. Great, great book. 

Watching: Le husband recommended the movie Occupy the Farm and I thought it is really worth watching. The movie By the Sea with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt is finally available to rent or buy on iTunes. Yay! I enjoyed the movie last night. Highly recommended, though-provoking and a bit weird. 

Learning/Discovering: There is an awesome exhibit at the Deutsche Kinemathek in Berlin that I would love to see. Looks amazing! 

Have you heard of the MUSEUM OF ICE CREAM? Yaaay! What’s with the Pokemon Go App everybody talks about? Check out this article.  

Thinking About: Death and dying. How fast it all goes sometimes. Today you talk to someone, tomorrow he or you could be gone. All it takes is one second. I will live more in the hear and now and enjoy life to the fullest no matter what. I am also working on seeing something positive in every tough situation. I love life – I love MY life. On my  mind is also my upcoming studies at Carleton University. I am about to register for classes as soon as I am done with this post. Excited!!! I love university-life. Students, cafeterias, gallons of coffee, books, studying: this is my world. When I was in my 20s, I always said I want to go to school forever and study. Well, I do learn something new every single day, I just meant the university feeling. I kinda missed it, I reckon. So here I am, back on the roll starting in September. Assignments, Papers, bring it on! 

Looking Forward to: My brother and Nadine Glitzer are coming here this weekend. Yay! Cannot wait to see them. We will go to Schlossplatzfest and the movie theater to see Independence Day: Resurgence. There is this weird tradition in my family to watch certain movies together; usually my father, my brother and I. Independence Day, Jurassic Park… movies like this. It will be great! This movie sounds fun, too. Watching the new Woody Allen Movie. It starts this Friday in the US! I love Woody Allen – I think all his movies are fantastic. My favorite so far is Annie Hall. Watch the trailer if you would like. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykWVcwbfDe4

Have a great weekend. <3

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

I had the most perfect birthday today. It all started with a doctor’s visit with Petit Joel and we needed to wait two hours with appointment. I forgot my phone (Nooooooooo!) and the office was packed with sick, coughing, puking kids. We waited outside for a while and Joel played on the stairs. This entertained him for approximately 15 minutes. I went back upstairs and told the receptionist that I will be at the café next door and if the doctor is ready to see us she should call the café. She looked at me weird but then agreed. So there I sat, with my son, enjoying a cup of coffee, chocolate cake, apple juice and a pretzel while teaching him a birthday song. Thankfully there were toys for him to play. Funny how the sales person at the café called me to see the doctor by screaming loud in the café: “Mrs. Henry, the doctor is ready to see Joooooeeeeeeeel!” [Not that anybody was looking at us…- who the hell cares!]

Petit Joel is fine. Nothing a little antibiotics cannot fix and this is the only important thing. I spent my birthday morning with my son at the doctors office and we found something positive out of this as well. I try and practice gratitude every single day. Today, I turned 35 years old and I am thankful to have spent this day with so many wonderful people. People who mean the world to me. With my parents who did everything possible to make my day special. I am grateful for all the phone calls I received and messages. I want to thank all you people for continuously visiting my blog, commenting, emailing and reading what I have to say. You are all part of my little internet world. I am grateful for friends who just stopped by and dropped off a bottle of red wine (Thank you Michaela!) or others who bought me books (always love you Veronika!), tea, chocolates, a movie ticket (Great movie night with Susi! Thank you for your friendship!) and so much more. I feel loved! 

I am thankful for le husband who makes all this possible in his loving, sweet way. Je t’aime mon amour. There are most likely not enough words to describe or be able to encompass this depth of my feelings I have for him. I am grateful for this marriage and our love. 

My family here in Germany is the best! Some days are rough, some days are tough but most days are fantastic. We have been through thick and thin together – and we are as close as a family can be. I love you all forever! 

I am also thankful for my TOMs shoes, Netflix, the internet, being able to study at Carleton University in September, Canada, dark chocolate, Windsor Castle English Breakfast Tea, my long hair, my eyes so I can see all this beauty, letters and phone calls from friends, my brother, my sister (even though it is kinda rough these days), Nadine Glitzer, raspberries and so much more. I could go on and on. You get the point. Have a great evening/night and a wonderful day tomorrow. My eyes are burning, it is time to sleep for me. I will check on Petit Joel one more time, turn out his tiny flashlight and kiss him goodnight.