.Stepping Out.

I had a great conversation with my friend the other day about looking back on the recent past and how not to think of the pain I felt but rather to think of the strength I gained and to simply appreciate how far I have come since then. I have been through a lot and I give myself credit for my resilience and also step forward again with grace. 

Recall: Recently I had to make a couple of major decision that in the long run will move my life forward. When I told my friend that I was worried about taking certain chances and regretting my choices, he simply said, “Trust me, you won’t regret these steps and decisions. If anything, you most likely will kick yourself in the butt for not taking those chances and more on those real and surprisingly very accessible opportunities you have these days.” He then asked me who I would be and what else I could see if I could simply remove all the stuff that is worrying me. 

As I say my daily affirmations (I can share those with you would like), I realize that life is about trusting myself, taking certain chances, losing things and finding happiness, definitely learning from experience and accepting the journey while realizing that every single step was necessary (and worth it) to get me to where I am today. The key is that I am willing to take each step by giving myself a fair chance. Usually, I regret chances I did not take or decisions I waited way too long to make by wasting more time, procrastinating and hoping while many important words were left unspoken. Why do I make so many regretful decisions in my life? Why did I hope and thought things may be as they were way back when? 

It took me a while to figure this out but it makes all sense now. Those poor decisions I continuously made, along with the ensuing regrets I faced, were caused not by physical problems in my life, but instead because my mind was weak. Those weaknesses encouraged me to avoid discomfort, change and to maintain a routine or rhythm. I try to avoid any type of pain obviously (who doesn’t), and discomfort is one. Stepping outside my comfort zone used to make me uncomfortable, however, after some time of practice, it feels good now. 

The simple idea of taking charge of my own life again and being free is so great. Focusing on difficult tasks while saying a clear no to certain people was difficult at first but becomes easier every single day. In the last couple of years, I became lazy and used to run from discomfort constantly which was wrong. I should have faced and spoked about things that made me uncomfortable for the longest time.  I silently kept in my comfort zone and missed out on many great life experiences and opportunities. I was stuck in some type of cycle that was comfortable in one way but destructive in another. At some point I was tired of this constant headache, worrying, jealousy and self-doubt that it was me who did everything wrong and caused my marriage to end up like this. It was most certainly NOT only me! 

I knew it was time to break this cycle and to move on since those relationship patterns I lived by and with for so long didn’t really help me but they rather hurt. Life is awesome and so many new doors opened since I am open to change. I realized that it was finally time to learn from my mistakes and stop doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result (insanity?). Didn’t Jung or Freud say that one ultimately becomes what one repeatedly does? It was/is time for a change indeed. 

So, this is where I am now. Things changed significantly and I am on a good path to conquer this discomfort I was dealing with among other certain issues by embracing it. These days, I am leaning into it, showing my teeth while growling and putting myself back in control. This control and power I used to have! One thing I can always do is to choose a mindset that moves me forward. Something positive that changes things from the inside out while at the same time allows me to grow beyond all that BS that I thought I struggle with and cannot control. I choose to face discomfort with courage, help, strength and a change in mindset. 

“See, that wasn’t as bad as you thought…”

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