Work and Suicide.

I know it has been quiet around here but I am pretty busy working on my thesis as well as on some personal issues. One question that popped up recently however is if I like what I am currently doing. Kind of like, “Do you like your job?”

“Hello, my name is Daniela and I am currently linguistically analyzing genuine suicide notes for my Master’s thesis and I really believe this might help so my nightmares eventually stop.” There are times when I feel restless and sad indeed. Especially when I read and analyze what suicidal people wrote in their maybe last minutes/hours alive which gives me goosebumps at points. It is not easy, let me tell you. Again, since this is still at a very early stage of my work I won’t discuss it further here. If you have questions or would like to know more about it send me an email through contact

I have a bunch of friends who envy my life and think this is all fancy which then makes them fantasize at the same time about going back to school, moving to a different country or even imagine doing something completely different like living off their land or joining a Kibbutz in Israel. But do they actually make the significant final step that it takes to start something new? Or is it just a dream that bursts like my son’s colorful dishwashing detergent bubbles? Changing careers or life is not easy or at least it wasn’t for me when I quit my job as a police officer in Munich. Quitting a job is a process that should be given quite some thought before actually making this decision.  

My parents are working at the same company for 35+ years. Wow! A long time! I watched Office Space yesterday and it made me realize once more that I made the right decision to make a slight change in my career path for now. But what makes many people stay with the company they are working for even though their mind is wandering every single day and they detest what they are doing day in and day out? Is it routine, starting lower again in the hierarchy, uncertainty, convenience, (German) Angst of the unknown, security, fear to lose the pension, safety, comfort, all of the above or something completely different? 

I don’t know anybody in my family or closer circle of friends (okay, maybe one: Ronia Fraser) who took the steps I did. Leaving Germany behind, saying goodbye at the airport to your loved ones and heading off to start a new life somewhere else. In a different country and different culture. When I started working at the UN, I realized after a while that it is totally okay to have two, three of four career changes already in ones working life. Many people I met went through major career changes and are fine. Nothing happened and honestly, they seemed happier, gained life experience  and are more content. I believe that switching career paths these days becomes more and more common and is okay. I met a woman who went from working as a banker on Wall Street to become a wedding planner and blogger. I reckon everything is possible, eh. 

The thing I always wondered about while I patrolled the streets of Munich was if this is it or if there is something else out there. Could I stick with this job until I retire? Of course, there are departmental changes possible within the police but nothing sounded tempting to me to stay or apply for something different. I was very young when I resigned (23!) and even younger when I joined the Police Force (17!!). The first steps are always the hardest. I brainstormed, researched and I knew I love New York. I love writing, I love the English language, I like the UN core values and I love to travel. I applied. I gave it a shot. And I got the position that changed my life 180 degrees and threw new challenges and tasks at me. I knew if I would not have resigned; and many people told me not to, I would have thought about this path not taken forever wondering what if. 

When people ask me now why I quit my “secure” police job I tell them that I was not happy. It just did not fulfill me. It made me very sad at points as well as frustrated and helpless. I still have nightmares about some of the things I saw while on duty and struggle mentally. It was very intense, tough and necessary for me to admit, that I needed to make a change even though deep inside I was struggling if I should take this sort of big risk to start something new. 

I never regretted this step. New doors started opening up. New challenges, new adventures. I went for something that sounded completely insane but I figured out a way to do it. Courage is important too I guess. And I think that it is okay to make wrong decisions since it is worth trying anyway. 



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