I know, I know. I haven’t been around lately but I missed writing here and this blog – as usual. There is just so much going on right now and the small amount of time I have left after I come home from my courses or the university library for the day I love to spent with my son or good friends and even try to read for pleasure at points. I stop complaining because I love my life the way it is with all its craziness and time spent researching and working on my Masters Thesis. And after all, here I am again, right?!
I had a great conversation with my mother recently about motherhood, raising a child and having another one. My friend Julia gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl yesterday and baby-talk came up naturally. I am happy for my friend and wish her all the best obviously. She needs strong nerves with two children I reckon. However, let’s be honest here. The people who know me realize pretty quickly that I am a selfish woman at points. I am a loving mother, yes, but I am far away from forgetting who I am completely. I simply cannot see myself being a stay-at-home-mom and only raise my offspring. I have done so, with the help of my parents, for almost three years and I must say that I have gotten pretty tired of it. It was a great time, don’t get me wrong, but I felt that something was missing. I don’t judge mothers who decide to stay home for good and never want to do anything also but raise their progeny. If this is your thing and it makes you happy, good for you.
As far as myself, I put my life on a hold for some time. This is normal. Especially, after I gave birth. This little person needed me and he will always need me. But hopefully, less and less which is awesome. I am gaining a bit of my somewhat adolescent lifestyle back, readings, movie nights or even nights out with friends and some parties. Many things changed since my son was born and I am not even looking for “those times” (talking to the toilet-ghost and this bad morning-after) anymore. I did it all – when it was time to do so. I grew up. I learned and made decisions. Then again on the other hand, I don’t want to give up anything really, just because I have a child. I love being a mother; I love to teach him things, love to see him grow up, see how smart he is and I imagine how handsome he will be when he grows up. (Now he is just so cute!) He is worth everything to me; however, he is not the king he seems to think he is sometimes. We share valuable moments together, he goes to kindergarten, he plays with his friends – he develops his personality. I watch over him and sometimes still feel a little guilt when I have to leave for an evening class at school. At the same time, I am not maman poule. He also learnt that fire is hot.
I want to be his friend without forgetting who I am, what I want; without forgetting that I am a woman and not his slave. I don’t want to miss the life I had before. I just include and add him to it all with the goal of encouraging his chivalry and eventually raising a man.