Hello and Happy Thursday.
My friend – I call her V- visited me tonight and we had good talks, as usual. We know each other for over 30! years; have kept a familiar bond and remained friends all this time. Amazing, we both think. Do you have this special friend that you don’t even see all so often but if you do it instantly clicks again? Yep, she is that kind of friend and I truly love her. We talked a lot about old times and when we grew up together, played in kindergarten and discovered all kind of fun stuff. Together with my siblings we played for hours and always discovered new games that kept us entertained. Life was and is good and uncomplicated.
Reasons for this post was a questions I have been asked many times recently: “At what point in your life did you know you were ready for a child?”
Tonight my friend V and I also brought my son to bed together, read a bedtime story and afterwards we talked a bit about babies, kids and whatnot. She told me that kids are not on her mind, these days or never. Who knows! I realized that I never wanted to have kids before. It was seriously and definitely not on my mind. All I ever wanted was career, traveling the world and discovering something new while taking responsibility just for my own actions. Seeing myself as a mom seemed boring. I would have rather been a spy or something. I never even enjoyed to babysit to polish up my pocket-money. I also felt that when having a child I would miss out on intellectual stimulation and that I would be stuck at home forever doing housework. A baby never fit in my agenda, in my plans or my lifestyle to be honest. It was fun to come home whenever I wanted, leave whenever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. For some reason, something was always missing though. I could not see what was missing at that time until I met my husband. Things became clearer. Clear to the point when for the very first time I could picture myself having a child. With the right partner.
When I discovered I was pregnant I was initially scared but excited at the same time. Isn’t it amazing to be able to become pregnant which is a miracle to begin with? Throughout the pregnancy I realized and was blown away by the thought what a huge change motherhood will bring. I think and analyze a lot. All the time. I am working on getting this a bit under control and I see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. [Sehes] However, thoughts about ups and downs that automatically come with having a child were constantly on my mind. It is a big decision after all – but a good one for me.
My friend V told me today that I am doing a great job and she loved how I deal with my son. How I am ‘normal’ when raising him. That I am real and not wearing a mask. I liked that. It made me proud. Yes, I can do this. Of course there will be days when it gets more difficult again. Have you ever been in a supermarket with a 2 1/2 year-old child [Thomas: 2 2/1] and he threw a tantrum? Yeah…. that kind of difficult. But guess what, I do manage these situations too by now. It makes me stronger. It makes us stronger. It makes me ready for the next – whatever this will be.
I also realized that there is no perfect timing when it comes to kids. There is always something going on in your life. A new job, a new school, a new whatever. And when this is over or done you might consider having a child. Well, let me tell you – there will always be some sort of life or even career reason to tell you that it is not working out. When my son was born, life made room for him. We made room for him and it was all fine. We worked out a plan, took decisions and moved on. Life takes some turns and everything changes in one second sometimes. There are no regrets if it was the right decision to have my son. Ever! It is one of the best things that happened in my life. You know what? You learn to adapt. My advice is just listen to your body. Listen and love your body the way it is. Are you really ready? Do you really want a child? Then take your time, relax and turn the thoughts off. This is how it worked for me. I wish you all a fulfilling journey to make your dreams come true. However they might look.